Loading...

You're not connected to the Internet. Please check your connection.

Clips from Abbott Elementary - Ava vs. Superintendent (S01E01)

our student retention rates.

"our student retention rates."

Abbott Elementary

They've been steady since the appeal

"They've been steady since the appeal"

Abbott Elementary

for a student recount was filed.

"for a student recount was filed."

Abbott Elementary

Yes, Ava counted twins as one student

"Yes, Ava counted twins as one student"

Abbott Elementary

because she said they share the same soul.

"because she said they share the same soul."

Abbott Elementary

That's true. And this is so boring!

"That's true. And this is so boring!"

Abbott Elementary

And I don't like this shift

"And I don't like this shift"

Abbott Elementary

in the power dynamic where you're in charge.

"in the power dynamic where you're in charge."

Abbott Elementary

You've never been less attractive.

"You've never been less attractive."

Abbott Elementary

Look, we have to build a case

"Look, we have to build a case"

Abbott Elementary

to get the discretionary funding with data and facts.

"to get the discretionary funding with data and facts."

Abbott Elementary

Well, then this is pointless.

"Well, then this is pointless."

Abbott Elementary

I've spent my whole life avoiding those two things.

"I've spent my whole life avoiding those two things."

Abbott Elementary

Look, what if we just write down exactly what she needs to say,

"Look, what if we just write down exactly what she needs to say,"

Abbott Elementary

and then she can just read it?

"and then she can just read it?"

Abbott Elementary

I wish I could just read something,

"I wish I could just read something,"

Abbott Elementary

but this superintendent is out to get me.

"but this superintendent is out to get me."

Abbott Elementary

He's gonna be throwing curves like that lady gym.

"He's gonna be throwing curves like that lady gym."

Abbott Elementary

Okay. Then we have to keep trying.

"Okay. Then we have to keep trying."

Abbott Elementary

This is our only option.

"This is our only option."

Abbott Elementary

Unless you want to catch Superintendent Collins

"Unless you want to catch Superintendent Collins"

Abbott Elementary

cheating again.

"cheating again."

Abbott Elementary

Yes! Let's focus on that.

"Yes! Let's focus on that."

Abbott Elementary

That's got to be easier.

"That's got to be easier."

Abbott Elementary

Maybe the best thing for the school in the long run

"Maybe the best thing for the school in the long run"

Abbott Elementary

is for her to fail and they get a new principal.

"is for her to fail and they get a new principal."

Abbott Elementary

Not necessarily me. Just a new one.

"Not necessarily me. Just a new one."

Abbott Elementary

Who...is like me.

"Who...is like me."

Abbott Elementary

And that is one of the many ways that My Octopus Teacher

"And that is one of the many ways that My Octopus Teacher"

Abbott Elementary

made me, well, believe in love again.

"made me, well, believe in love again."

Abbott Elementary

Is everything okay?

"Is everything okay?"

Abbott Elementary

The only time I saw you two sit apart

"The only time I saw you two sit apart"

Abbott Elementary

is when Melissa said you should put sugar on grits.

"is when Melissa said you should put sugar on grits."

Abbott Elementary

There's nothing to talk about.

"There's nothing to talk about."

Abbott Elementary

Yeah, 'cause it's very straightforward.

"Yeah, 'cause it's very straightforward."

Abbott Elementary

We're under attack, and she's got her head buried in the sand.

"We're under attack, and she's got her head buried in the sand."

Abbott Elementary

Better the sand than the mud.

"Better the sand than the mud."

Abbott Elementary

Okay. You refusing to cooperate

"Okay. You refusing to cooperate"

Abbott Elementary

doesn't stop bad things from happening.

"doesn't stop bad things from happening."

Abbott Elementary

We should be using people doing bad stuff

"We should be using people doing bad stuff"

Abbott Elementary

to do good stuff for our kids.

"to do good stuff for our kids."

Abbott Elementary

Mm. "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil

"Mm. "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil"

Abbott Elementary

is for good men to do nothing."

"is for good men to do nothing.""

Abbott Elementary

You know, usually when you quote stuff, it's annoying

"You know, usually when you quote stuff, it's annoying"

Abbott Elementary

and I want you to shut up, but in this case, very relevant.

"and I want you to shut up, but in this case, very relevant."

Abbott Elementary

Oh, thank you. I have another.

"Oh, thank you. I have another."

Abbott Elementary

- No, you don't. - No, I don't.

"- No, you don't. - No, I don't."

Abbott Elementary

What are y'all doing here?

"What are y'all doing here?"

Abbott Elementary

You didn't think we would give up that easy, did you?

"You didn't think we would give up that easy, did you?"

Abbott Elementary

That's exactly what I thought.

"That's exactly what I thought."

Abbott Elementary

I'm genuinely surprised to see you.

"I'm genuinely surprised to see you."

Abbott Elementary

Okay. So, you know how your presentation

"Okay. So, you know how your presentation"

Abbott Elementary

used those robotablets?

"used those robotablets?"

Abbott Elementary

My assistants, yes.

"My assistants, yes."

Abbott Elementary

Well, what if we were your assistants?

"Well, what if we were your assistants?"

Abbott Elementary

That way, we can handle all the data and graphs,

"That way, we can handle all the data and graphs,"

Abbott Elementary

and you can handle the showmanship.

"and you can handle the showmanship."

Abbott Elementary

I love it!

"I love it!"

Abbott Elementary

This is like a group project at school

"This is like a group project at school"

Abbott Elementary

where I bring the energy, and you guys bring

"where I bring the energy, and you guys bring"

Abbott Elementary

whatever doesn't require a personality.

"whatever doesn't require a personality."

Abbott Elementary

This is a good idea.

"This is a good idea."

Abbott Elementary

(sighs)

"(sighs)"

Abbott Elementary

(siren wails in distance)

"(siren wails in distance)"

Abbott Elementary

(digging in soil)

"(digging in soil)"

Abbott Elementary

Okay. I know you said that you're okay,

"Okay. I know you said that you're okay,"

Abbott Elementary

but I can tell that you're not by the way that you're gardening.

"but I can tell that you're not by the way that you're gardening."

Abbott Elementary

I don't know what you're talking about.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Abbott Elementary

Oh!

"Oh!"

Abbott Elementary

Oh, J-J-Jacob, I'm sorry.

"Oh, J-J-Jacob, I'm sorry."

Abbott Elementary

I'm -- I'm -- I'm fine, really.

"I'm -- I'm -- I'm fine, really."

Abbott Elementary

- Oh, I'm sorry. - No, I'm good.

"- Oh, I'm sorry. - No, I'm good."

Abbott Elementary

Oh.

"Oh."

Abbott Elementary

Tsk. Oh.

"Tsk. Oh."

Abbott Elementary

I know we need the money.

"I know we need the money."

Abbott Elementary

And I have applied for that Advancement Grant

"And I have applied for that Advancement Grant"

Abbott Elementary

for 10 years now.

"for 10 years now."

Abbott Elementary

I just don't want to compromise my morals to get it.

"I just don't want to compromise my morals to get it."

Abbott Elementary

Look, while I admire that you've applied 10 years in a row,

"Look, while I admire that you've applied 10 years in a row,"

Abbott Elementary

have you heard that saying

"have you heard that saying"

Abbott Elementary

about the definition of insanity?

"about the definition of insanity?"

Abbott Elementary

Have you ever heard the saying

"Have you ever heard the saying"

Abbott Elementary

that I will pop you upside your head

"that I will pop you upside your head"

Abbott Elementary

if you imply that I am insane?

"if you imply that I am insane?"

Abbott Elementary

- I'm just saying... - (grumbles)

"- I'm just saying... - (grumbles)"

Abbott Elementary

...you did something you wouldn't normally do

"...you did something you wouldn't normally do"

Abbott Elementary

by starting this garden with me.

"by starting this garden with me."

Abbott Elementary

That didn't turn out so bad, huh?

"That didn't turn out so bad, huh?"

Abbott Elementary

(indistinct conversations in distance)

"(indistinct conversations in distance)"

Abbott Elementary

- Hey. - Thought I was early.

"- Hey. - Thought I was early."

Abbott Elementary

You are. I'm just earlier. (chuckles)

"You are. I'm just earlier. (chuckles)"

Abbott Elementary

Ava here yet?

"Ava here yet?"

Abbott Elementary

She's probably somewhere doing power poses.

"She's probably somewhere doing power poses."

Abbott Elementary

Actually, it's been a minute.

"Actually, it's been a minute."

Abbott Elementary

Let me check and make sure she hasn't bolted.

"Let me check and make sure she hasn't bolted."

Abbott Elementary

Mm-hmm.

"Mm-hmm."

Abbott Elementary

Gregory Eddie, right?

"Gregory Eddie, right?"

Abbott Elementary

Yeah.

"Yeah."

Abbott Elementary

It's good to see you again.

"It's good to see you again."

Abbott Elementary

You know, I'm sorry I couldn't hire you as principal, but...

"You know, I'm sorry I couldn't hire you as principal, but..."

Abbott Elementary

my hands were tied.

"my hands were tied."

Abbott Elementary

- To the bed? - Pardon?

"- To the bed? - Pardon?"

Abbott Elementary

Nothing.

"Nothing."

Abbott Elementary

Look, if you're still interested in being principal,

"Look, if you're still interested in being principal,"

Abbott Elementary

I think maybe some positions might be opening up,

"I think maybe some positions might be opening up,"

Abbott Elementary

even at Abbott.

"even at Abbott."

Abbott Elementary

So...

"So..."

Abbott Elementary

if you're interested...

"if you're interested..."

Abbott Elementary

e-mail me.

"e-mail me."

Abbott Elementary

- Hey. - Hey.

"- Hey. - Hey."

Abbott Elementary

Look, there's Delisha Sloss -- if anybody cares.

"Look, there's Delisha Sloss -- if anybody cares."

Abbott Elementary

Excuse me.

"Excuse me."

Abbott Elementary

BARBARA: (sighs)

"BARBARA: (sighs)"

Abbott Elementary

Okay. So, after Gregory talks math competency,

"Okay. So, after Gregory talks math competency,"

Abbott Elementary

I'll handle the attendance graph,

"I'll handle the attendance graph,"

Abbott Elementary

and then I'll kick it to you for testing numbers.

"and then I'll kick it to you for testing numbers."

Abbott Elementary

So, I'm the grand finale. But what if they want an encore?

"So, I'm the grand finale. But what if they want an encore?"

Abbott Elementary

That's okay. We'll handle all surprises,

"That's okay. We'll handle all surprises,"

Abbott Elementary

and all you have to do is take care of the lobs.

"and all you have to do is take care of the lobs."

Abbott Elementary

Oh, perfect! I'll go into a power pose.

"Oh, perfect! I'll go into a power pose."

Abbott Elementary

Show more clips