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Clips from Abbott Elementary - Ava vs. Superintendent (S01E01)

"I was clipped by a delirious jogger."
Abbott Elementary
"Then I'll show you the presentation tomorrow."
Abbott Elementary
"There's a lot of proprietary technology involved."
Abbott Elementary
"Sign this NDA"
Abbott Elementary
"and bring it back in the morning."
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"Don't look at them. They've already signed."
Abbott Elementary
"Oh. Okay."
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"I found a connection at the school board."
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"Ooh, you got a guy there?"
Abbott Elementary
"No, you do."
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"Delisha Sloss. She goes to your church."
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"My guy says she's on the finance committee or something."
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"I know her."
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"- One of our shadier members. - Mm-hmm."
Abbott Elementary
"But God's light finds even the shadows."
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"Yeah, she's up to something."
Abbott Elementary
"Being able to spot ops runs in the family."
Abbott Elementary
"That's how we Schemmentis got so successful in...business."
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"I don't think so."
Abbott Elementary
"Oh, come on! It's an easy squeeze."
Abbott Elementary
"She's been skimming cash off the top for years."
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"It's not that I can't handle it."
Abbott Elementary
"It's just that..."
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"I'm not used to playing in the mud."
Abbott Elementary
"I leave that to people like you."
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"(pen scratching paper)"
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"People like me, huh?"
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"Your signed NDA."
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"- That's a cute shirt. - Oh, thank you."
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"I got it from Old Navy."
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"It would look much better on me."
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"You know what? Give it to me."
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"No. What?"
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"Look, can we just start already?"
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"I wanna finish this before the kids get here at 7:30 --"
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"This presentation is about to blow your mind."
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"Let's get started. Ava 2, Ava 3."
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"(motors whirring)"
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"Oh! What?!"
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"(motors whirring)"
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"What the hell?"
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"- - - Success. - Greatness."
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"Passion."
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"And what do all those words have in common?"
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"- - - Ava Coleman. - Ava Coleman."
Abbott Elementary
"So, in conclusion, a school with such an amazing leader"
Abbott Elementary
"is an obvious choice for discretionary funds."
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"And what school is that?"
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"A."
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"- B. - B."
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"- Okay. - O."
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"- That's enough. - T."
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"L. Janine, you're throwing off my timing."
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"- E. - Enough."
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"M -- M -- M -- M -- M -- M --"
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"- What? - You couldn't let me finish?"
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"- No -- - (thud)"
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"Ow!"
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"So, what do you think?"
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"I think..."
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"I don't think this is what the school board is looking for."
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"(sighs) Damn it!"
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"I knew it."
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"(sighs) I thought I could just hit 'em"
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"with the ol' razzle-dazzle."
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"These are the parts about being a principal that I'm not good at."
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"Interesting. What parts would you say you are good at?"
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"This isn't the time for jokes, Janine."
Abbott Elementary
"This is the first time in my life that I won't be able to"
Abbott Elementary
"charisma my way out of the situation."
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"This is the first job that I've liked in my life."
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"I don't wanna lose it."
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"Okay. Well, what if we find a way to combine your charisma"
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"with what the school board is actually looking for?"
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"That's the point -- I don't know."
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"I'm not some nerd,"
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"got somebody showing me the ropes and giving me advice"
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"and putting up with my near-constant hijinks."
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"Okay. You're right. (sighs)"
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"We need to find someone who knows"
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"what presentations like this should look like."
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"I know how you feel about Ava"
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"and the whole principal situation,"
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"but this is for the kids."
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"It feels like it's for Ava."
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"Yeah. But it'd be for all of us, too."
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"I mean, say they fire Ava. Then what?"
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"They bring in some micromanaging control freak"
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"who won't let us do our jobs?"
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"Yeah, we wouldn't want that."
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"Look, I know she may not be our best option,"
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"but she certainly isn't the worst."
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"Fine. But if she refers to me as a food item, I'm out."
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"Great. Meet me in the library at lunch."
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"- (P.A. beeps) - - - AVA: Did he say yes?"
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"'Cause otherwise, I found a livestream"
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"of some other school board's presentation that might help."
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"Never mind. It's an SNL skit."
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"Since I've been here, Ava's biggest improvements"
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"to the school include renaming - the Wi- - Fi network"
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"Bad Bitches Only"
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"and using field-trip money to put 26-inch rims"
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"on one of the buses."
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"Is it how I'd do the job? No."
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"But the school does deserve to have this money."
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"Very good."
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"Oh, I like that."
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"MELISSA: Repo's here."
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"BARBARA: Hey, Melissa."
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"You need something?"
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"MELISSA: Yeah, I'm just here to repo this rug"
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"since you got it from a mud person."
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"Wait."
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"Is this because I won't extort a church member?"
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"You are overreacting."
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"No, I'm just trying to protect you."
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"I wouldn't want you involved in any of my immoral activities."
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"You need some help?"
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"Nah, I got it."
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"Okay. So, she should start by showing them"
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