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Clips from Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt - Kimmy's in a Love Triangle! (S01E01)

"Hello?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Mr. Le Loup?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Hello. Hi."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Rick Barnes gave me your name."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"He said that you work with actors"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"to help them "ass-pay.""
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"That was Pig Latin for "pass.""
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"Why would I try Pig Latin for the first time ever"
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"right now anyways?"
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"So stupid."
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"I can't work with you."
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"- What? - You have no potential."
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"Get out."
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"But I rode a bus to get here."
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"A bus that went over a drawbridge."
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"Fine. I don't need you!"
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"Bye, Felicia!"
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"Very good."
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"You yelled. You denied help."
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"You broke something."
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"That's your first lesson"
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"in behaving like a straight man."
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"Your second lesson..."
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"Is that he is not Le Loup."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"- Hey. - Yeah, what's up?"
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"Bye, Felicia."
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"I'm gonna break you down,"
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"but by the time I put you back together,"
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"you're gonna be pulling shorts out of the dirty laundry"
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"and eating wings on the crapper without even trying."
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"Okay."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Training begins immediately,"
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"because tomorrow you have an audition"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"for Entourage 2."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Entourage 2?"
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"I can't. Those guys are so straight."
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"Almost too straight."
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"Like they're compensating for something?"
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"- Yeah. - Two of them are."
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"Wait, are those former clients or role models?"
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"It begins now!"
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"I'm sorry, Dong, but..."
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"Oy! We're not mates."
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"I'm with Logan now. Get off of the barbie!"
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"That's not British."
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"This is-a how you talka the British."
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"I'ma soften the blow by a-talka the British."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Okay, that's good."
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"I'm so sorry, Hu Zha Qi."
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"This is your fault."
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"I hope you die, become ghost,"
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"fly around the room."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"That make everybody happy."
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"Kimmy, what are you doing here?"
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"What happened? Where is everyone?"
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"Immigration raided the restaurant."
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"They took everyone..."
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"Cooks, waiters, dishwashers."
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"I was out on a delivery,"
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"or else they would have gotten me too."
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"Thank God Fordham Law school students smoke so much weed."
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"Dong, that's so scary."
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"And the owner says that they came here looking for me."
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"You can't stay here. Go home!"
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"This is my home!"
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"Hu Zha Qi let me sleep on the grill."
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"If you time it right, it's very cozy."
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"Hey."
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"Almost forgot this."
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"If we don't give you a receipt,"
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"then the whole raid is free."
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"And if that Dong Nguyen comes back,"
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"you guys let us know."
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"You got it, chief."
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"That's it. You're coming with me."
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"You can sleep on the couch."
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"Oh, no. Is that my leg hole?"
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"It's okay."
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"I'm pretty good friends"
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"with the pregnant raccoon who lives in there."
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"Kimmy, I'm afraid I ruined everything between us."
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"Look, Dong, it's not anyone's fault."
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"It's just, I have so much fun with you."
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"Remember when we took the tram to Roosevelt Island?"
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"And we realized it was just one wire holding us up?"
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"We started screaming and screaming,"
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"and then all the commuters started screaming too."
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"Because they were seeing it through our eyes."
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"And we agree on everything, Kimmy."
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"Like how it's so weird that people"
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"want to "eat local.""
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"Yeah, I don't want to eat a bird I might know."
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"And what's with all the bottled water?"
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"Why is everyone so thirsty all the time?"
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""Duh, I've been awake for one second."
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"I better have some water.""
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""Oh, I better carry my water with me"
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"while I walk to the water store.""
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"Listen, Dong, I need you to know..."
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"that Logan is my boyfriend,"
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"so you and I..."
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"will just be friends."
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"Okay. Friends."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Hello, Sugar Walls."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Nope."
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"All right. Hi."
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"Listen, my parents are blimping into town tomorrow,"
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"and I would love it if you would join us for dinner."
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"Your parents? Boy."
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"Okay. Sure."
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"Wonderful."
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"So they're landing sometime between 4:00 and 7:00,"
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"somewhere between 45th Street and Bucks County."
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"Easy, girl."
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"Okay."
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"I can't wait for you to meet Mom,"
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"but especially Daddy."
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"Oh, Kimmy,"
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"I'm so glad we were able to put"
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"all that unpleasantness behind us."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
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