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Clips from Scrubs - My Number One Doctor (S07E07)

"Scrolling down, scrolling, scrolling... Fake watch. Scrolling, scrolling."
Scrubs
"There he is, all the way at the bottom, right above Dr Murphy here."
Scrubs
"All my patients are dead."
Scrubs
"Doug, do you remember that guy you put in the morgue drawer?"
Scrubs
"Oh, yeah, you're right. All the comments are from him."
Scrubs
"My ALS patient just told me she tried to kill herself."
Scrubs
"Well, Barbie, you have two choices. You can either tell on her"
Scrubs
"and suffocate her with a pillow."
Scrubs
"Of course, I'm a helper."
Scrubs
""That's what I'm talking about.""
Scrubs
"In fact, I may hate her."
Scrubs
"I'm talking about Lady."
Scrubs
"If you like her, you can't keep lying to her about who you are."
Scrubs
"Hogwash."
Scrubs
"Lie forever."
Scrubs
"I spray the windows with shaving cream"
Scrubs
"Her wheelchair tears up the grass."
Scrubs
"Until you let Lady know the real you, your relationship is not real,"
Scrubs
"That's his sad voice."
Scrubs
"I thought he was your best friend."
Scrubs
"My gram-gram taught me that."
Scrubs
"go to my website, TheToddTime. Com,"
Scrubs
"It lets you see what the big dog looks like with girl parts."
Scrubs
"That's what I'm talking about!"
Scrubs
"I said it again."
Scrubs
"Hey. I've been looking for you."
Scrubs
"Can you imagine what it's like to know that you're going to be trapped"
Scrubs
"in your own body, just waiting for your misery to end?"
Scrubs
"Elliot, you can't let this girl do this again."
Scrubs
"You gotta tell Gayle so she can police it."
Scrubs
"But maybe dying is the right choice for her."
Scrubs
"Well, I don't think it's the right choice for you."
Scrubs
"And I know you better than anybody."
Scrubs
"You felt so guilty, you let him take you to prom."
Scrubs
"Yeah, well, I left early, and I barely put out."
Scrubs
"I just don't want you to get hurt."
Scrubs
"Thanks."
Scrubs
"Do you know that I'm the number one doctor in the hospital?"
Scrubs
"Okay, first of all,"
Scrubs
"if we're going to make it, not a jumpsuit."
Scrubs
"All right, here we go."
Scrubs
"I'm not like normal people."
Scrubs
"For instance, watch me move this pen."
Scrubs
"Usually with other animals."
Scrubs
"A squirrel will hold most of a cat."
Scrubs
"You get the idea. Circle of life."
Scrubs
"Stop it, you. She doesn't know you're joking."
Scrubs
"- No, I'm... - He's joking? Thank God."
Scrubs
"What just happened? Did I black out? Did the pen move?"
Scrubs
"You have to dole out your crazy in little pieces."
Scrubs
"You can't do it all at once."
Scrubs
"Oh, my God. Another new nickname. But what does it mean?"
Scrubs
"Play it cool, 23. You'll find out eventually."
Scrubs
"- What? How did I drop so low? - You know, after I fix that gall bladder,"
Scrubs
"you might want me to do something about those flat boobies."
Scrubs
"All I wanted to do was win at something, for once,"
Scrubs
"Excuse me. But do you really want me here for a lecture"
Scrubs
"that I'm not gonna feel the least bit guilty about?"
Scrubs
"Dismissed."
Scrubs
"I mean, you're my closest friend. In college, we shared a toothbrush."
Scrubs
"- I was not aware of that. - We did."
Scrubs
"She's glorious!"
Scrubs
"- Turk! - My bad."
Scrubs
"Here's your unicorn!"
Scrubs
"Turk! She's beautiful! Look at her mane..."
Scrubs
"- Turk! - I gotta tell you, unicorns aren't real."
Scrubs
"There's nothing you can do."
Scrubs
"- We always do. - Back in."
Scrubs
"- Okay. - Come on, Bizzle."
Scrubs
"Elliot, thank you for everything."
Scrubs
"You've been an amazing friend to me."
Scrubs
"- White Lightning! - White Lightning!"
Scrubs
"Are you even listening to me?"
Scrubs
"Check this out. I found it at a garage sale."
Scrubs
"- Oh, my God! That is disgusting. - Yeah, I know. I think so, too."
Scrubs
"I just wanted to make sure we're on the same page."
Scrubs
"I talked to Kelso about the whole Todd thing,"
Scrubs
"and you're back at number one."
Scrubs
"you might end up keeping things to yourself."
Scrubs
"Is there anything else I need to know?"
Scrubs
"No. Nothing else."
Scrubs
"For instance, a badger will hold five squirrels."
Scrubs
"A mouse will hold a shrew and a vole."
Scrubs
"I don't believe in the moon."
Scrubs
"What if I let you beat me in basketball while the nurses watch?"
Scrubs
"When you have something you have to get off your chest,"
Scrubs
"there are a couple of things you can do."
Scrubs
"No."
Scrubs
"Oh, God. Oh, my God, I feel like such a ho-bag, but I'm still glad I did it."
Scrubs
"Ma'am."
Scrubs
"And... Time."
Scrubs
"He has a fungal infection under the fat flaps in his stomach."
Scrubs
"That is the most disgusting thing I've ever smelled."
Scrubs
"You guys aren't even friends."
Scrubs
"That's nothing. Yesterday, I won free muffins for life"
Scrubs
"Actually, they had a recount. You came in second."
Scrubs
"Do you know the muffin man the muffin man"
Scrubs
"Why are you guys so obsessed with reliving everything you've won?"
Scrubs
"Yeah, I know I can't pull off calling someone "girlfriend,""
Scrubs
"Come on, you guys!"
Scrubs
"where patients can evaluate and score their doctors."
Scrubs
"That doesn't even make sense."
Scrubs
"Well, I would say love is blind, but we both know that isn't true."
Scrubs
"I wasn't in a casket."
Scrubs
"Maybe if you don't kill him in the operating room,"
Scrubs
"See, we're DBFFs."
Scrubs
"any info you have that I can pass on to my other patients would just be super."
Scrubs
"Patients of Dr Turk,"
Scrubs
"would you like any one-on-one time with your surgeon?"
Scrubs
"Can you believe that?"
Scrubs
"You gotta be more careful with your medications."
Scrubs
"Why would you purposefully overdose?"
Scrubs
"How's she getting her scarf to blow like that?"
Scrubs
"The Rate YourDoc website also had a comments section."
Scrubs
"Turns out he was just heavily sedated."
Scrubs
"Shannon? What are you gonna do?"
Scrubs
"or look the other way."
Scrubs
"Well, I've never met her before, but no."
Scrubs
"and it's going to end."
Scrubs
"His patients love him."
Scrubs
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