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Clips from Scrubs - My Number One Doctor (S07E07)

"I win. See, that's what I'm talking about."
Scrubs
"Hold on, Turk. Let's not declare victory until we give a shot to Dr John Dorian"
Scrubs
"and his nostrils of steel."
Scrubs
"Your nose can't handle smells of that magnitude."
Scrubs
"You have got to be kidding me."
Scrubs
"And a sugar-free latte for the winner."
Scrubs
"Victory tastes delicious."
Scrubs
"Why do you spend so much time competing over everything?"
Scrubs
"Now a quick look to Turk to see if that is what men do."
Scrubs
"Don't forget, I crushed you in "Find the Vein in the Junkie.""
Scrubs
"Yeah, but I beat you good at gauzeball."
Scrubs
"If anyone needs me, I'll be in my office going to town on these bad boys."
Scrubs
"Have you seen the muffin man the muffin man"
Scrubs
"Because we're winners,"
Scrubs
"and that's what winners do."
Scrubs
"Damn it!"
Scrubs
"If you'd ever won anything, you'd know what we were talking about."
Scrubs
"I've won something, Perry."
Scrubs
"Guys? I think their nerd is unconscious."
Scrubs
"We should probably roll him over."
Scrubs
"Why are you standing on a chair?"
Scrubs
"Because from this spot, I can see into four rooms without actually going in."
Scrubs
"Check it. Patients of Dr Turk, how are we?"
Scrubs
"The guy has a tongue surgery. He's actually okay, though."
Scrubs
"- but she likes it, so... - I do. Can't help it."
Scrubs
"Shannon's back. It's been so great getting to know her."
Scrubs
"See, that's the great thing about being in private practice."
Scrubs
"You get to treat the same patients all the..."
Scrubs
"People are sleeping here."
Scrubs
"Well, I guess you think it's so funny... Wait, why am I whispering?"
Scrubs
"Listen, Barbie, I'd love to take credit for this idea,"
Scrubs
"but it was all big Bobby Kelso."
Scrubs
"Quick announcement."
Scrubs
"I have signed Sacred Heart up for a website"
Scrubs
"called Rate YourDoc. Org,"
Scrubs
"And, if along the way, you all become paranoid and overly competitive,"
Scrubs
"Dr Kelso, I became a doctor to save lives, heal wounds,"
Scrubs
"You know what else works? Cosmonaut. Try it. Thank me later."
Scrubs
"That's what we smitten folk call a metaphor."
Scrubs
"have a head as empty as a whippoorwill in a tub of moonshine."
Scrubs
"There you go."
Scrubs
"How does that woman go out with him?"
Scrubs
"You're really gonna comment on your wife's weight"
Scrubs
"when you got muffins stuffed down your pants?"
Scrubs
"I like them warm."
Scrubs
"neither of which are consistent with your ALS."
Scrubs
"- So how's the ALS progressing? - It's been a blast."
Scrubs
"Said goodbye to all my friends."
Scrubs
"Hell, I even had my funeral already."
Scrubs
"I'm sure you did."
Scrubs
"I know that. Come on, who would do that?"
Scrubs
"Except for vampires."
Scrubs
"I told you he was gullible."
Scrubs
"but I really want to get these down to the lab for testing."
Scrubs
"I can stay."
Scrubs
"So you went to your own funeral, huh?"
Scrubs
"And anyone that wasn't crying got a talking-to."
Scrubs
"You should've invited me. I can cry on cue. Say "dead puppies.""
Scrubs
"Dead puppies."
Scrubs
"than it did to some others."
Scrubs
"Wow, you actually learned your patient's name."
Scrubs
"you can take him out dancing."
Scrubs
"I doubt it. I'm amputating his foot later."
Scrubs
"Hell to the no."
Scrubs
"Are you?"
Scrubs
"So, you're declining chemo because Wikipedia"
Scrubs
"says that raw food diet reverses the effects of bone cancer."
Scrubs
"Well, hey,"
Scrubs
"And by the by, while you're on your computer,"
Scrubs
"perhaps you could jump over to a little site called Rate YourDoc. Org?"
Scrubs
"Damn, someone's tongue is healing fast."
Scrubs
"Thank you."
Scrubs
"And now I have to take your laptop from you,"
Scrubs
"You see those bell peppers that you're munching?"
Scrubs
"They aren't going to do a truckload of jack"
Scrubs
"against the cancer raging inside of your body."
Scrubs
"and the person who wrote that Wikipedia entry"
Scrubs
"But if you feel like living, page me."
Scrubs
"I was conceived after my parents saw the movie Lady and the Tramp."
Scrubs
"Got to go meet my guy out front. Nice meeting you, Carla."
Scrubs
"Lady is normal."
Scrubs
"I'm sorry. Did you also win free muffins for life?"
Scrubs
"Everyone's already read that."
Scrubs
"Yes, but if anyone divulges any details to me..."
Scrubs
"What happens, Murphy?"
Scrubs
"You draw Harry Potter glasses on their face in permanent marker."
Scrubs
"That's right."
Scrubs
"Now, I don't give a hoot about the Janitor and his gal pal, okay?"
Scrubs
"So shove off."
Scrubs
"So Lady's completely normal, huh?"
Scrubs
"Good news. Your symptoms aren't ALS-related."
Scrubs
"You just took too many baclofens. You probably just mixed up your meds."
Scrubs
"In a hospital, little mysteries get solved every day."
Scrubs
"- You've got to be kidding me. - It has to be an error."
Scrubs
"Are you guys still looking at that stupid website?"
Scrubs
"I'm number one! The number one doctor!"
Scrubs
"Yes! Yes! Number one, number one."
Scrubs
"I gotta make a quick phone call."
Scrubs
"Call Mommy."
Scrubs
"And sometimes you never could've seen it coming."
Scrubs
"I mean, the baclofens aren't so bad,"
Scrubs
"You know the answer to that. I've said my goodbyes."
Scrubs
"I am literally going to die entombed in this body,"
Scrubs
"- Who's Gayle? - My home care nurse."
Scrubs
"Oh, God, she's flying."
Scrubs
"Elliot, I want things to end on my terms."
Scrubs
"I mean, this goes against everything that I stand for."
Scrubs
"but you're also my friend."
Scrubs
"Because I can."
Scrubs
"So what do you want to do tonight?"
Scrubs
"I vote yes."
Scrubs
"What the hell are you doing? Khaki? You never wear khaki."
Scrubs
"- No. - Yes."
Scrubs
"Are you coming?"
Scrubs
"Come on. "What's up with Dr Cox's hair?"
Scrubs
""One week he's bald, and the next week he looks like Shirley Temple?"
Scrubs
"Oh, it's called "Rate YourDoc. Org.""
Scrubs
"I'm on a completely different, more awesome site. See?"
Scrubs
"Can I borrow your laptop just for a second, please? Thank you."
Scrubs
"Yup. Still number one."
Scrubs
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