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Clips from The Good Place - Team Cockroach (S02E02)

"We are all going to improve."
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"And we're your only option."
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"So it's all frozen yogurt places now, huh?"
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"blended together in a blissful,"
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"- Well done. - I've only given"
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"Now I wanna introduce someone that you're gonna"
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"helping me out around the neighborhood,"
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"Vicky, would you like to say a few words?"
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"Actually, Michael, I'd like to sing a few words."
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"♪ Kept thinking I could never live ♪"
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"We should have a few hours to ourselves."
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"It looks like pretending to enjoy her singing"
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"is gonna be half our job here."
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"I got her to tell me how she was gonna torture you"
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"Now, Chidi, I'm gonna need you"
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"on the four of you."
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"That'll let us meet each day"
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"- rat us out, right? - Well, Jason,"
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"I'm not allowed to lie, but my purpose"
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"is to make humans happy."
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"you guys come up with."
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"What? Why? You do? What?"
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"You wanna team up? You've been torturing us"
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"- and lying about it. - Let's not get"
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"or which one of us created an entire fake reality"
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"in order to cause eternal misery for the others."
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"The point is that..."
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"I love being on teams. Oh, we need a team name."
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"Um... the Bobcats."
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"He needs us."
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"And you keep figuring it out"
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"and taking all the fun out of it."
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"in the main square."
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"- A Little Bit Chowder Now. - Oh, the place"
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"with the... the chowder fountain."
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"A Little Bit Chowder Now has the lazy river of chowder."
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"Ugh! How did we ever think this was the Good Place?"
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"erase your memory and turn control over to her."
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"you can study ethics, ogle mailmen,"
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"My boss gave me two chances to make this work."
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"I tried more than two times."
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"Literally. They will boil us."
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"We will be the main ingredient in a chowder of pain."
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"Let me help you."
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"Son of a bench."
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"I actually found myself in a very similar situation"
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"a few years ago, except in that instance,"
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"Michael was Javier Bardem"
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"- What do we do? - We team up with Michael."
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"Okay, hot take, but I like your confidence."
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"- Tell me why. - He has a bow tie."
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"at the gun range in a Jacksonville bus station"
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"and said he'd give me $600"
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"and brought them to Daytona Beach."
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"So I hotwired a swamp boat to Daytona"
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"My point is, you always trust dudes in bow ties."
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"Look, Michael's a liar."
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"It was my job to trick people"
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"and I was the top salesperson"
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"- seven years in a row. - I thought you only"
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"- worked there five years. - Proves my point!"
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"He could be lying about this whole thing."
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"where I belong, being tested."
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"- How would that even... - I don't know,"
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"- but it's possible. - Before we do anything,"
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"we need more information."
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"- Yes. - Yes, we shall grill him"
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"like the flank of a Niberian piglet."
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"I'm sorry, has it been 100 hours?"
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"Okay, man. We got questions."
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"Logically, you shouldn't but you have no choice."
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"I mean, I wouldn't, if I were you."
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"It's a crazy thing to do."
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"- But you gotta. - What happens if we don't?"
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"you figure it out again, Vicky tells my boss,"
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"you end up spending the rest of eternity"
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"in the real Bad Place,"
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"I'll tell you what I want to know right now"
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"Did the Jacksonville Jaguars"
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"win the Super Bowl last year?"
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"Oh, you're serious. Uh, no."
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"Will they ever win the Super Bowl?"
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"Okay, well I just have, like, 12 more Jaguar questions..."
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"How many different versions of this place"
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"Uh, let's see. 802."
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"The longest one was 11 months."
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"Uh, this current one has only been going for one week."
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"Boy, you guys barely know each other."
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"It's gonna make this tough."
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"What's that super tiny line?"
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"It was a butt reboot. I sat on the activator by mistake."
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"Michael, was I also rebooted 802 times?"
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"Yes. Why?"
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"she increases her social awareness and abilities."
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"I might be the most advanced Janet in the universe."
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"So Janet isn't with you."
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"No. There has to be a Janet in every neighborhood,"
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"good and bad."
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"This one is an actual Good Place Janet"
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"- Yes, thank you. - You're welcome."
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"If you're not human, why do you look like us?"
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"Everyone in the Bad Place Bureau of Human Affairs"
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"gets randomly assigned a human body"
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"so we can get the feel of how best to torture you."
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"- the hanging bits. - Gross."
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"Oh, get your mind out of the gutter, Eleanor."
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"I was talking about my testicles."
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"Mindy St. Clair's is fake, I bet."
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"No, the Medium Place is real."
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"So annoying how you managed to slip away from me"
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"about any real thing?"
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"of open bar weddings as Eileen Shelbourne."
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"- tattooed on his neck. - Seriously?!"
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"How are she and I in the same place?"
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"- Oh, get over yourself. - Trust me, don't trust me,"
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"it doesn't matter."
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"We're running out of time"
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"and I'm your only option?"
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"just as the bar was about to close."
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"But I never settled for them."
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