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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Spaghetti Catalyst (S03E03)

"Wasn't sure of the protocol now you and Leonard are no longer having coitus."
The Big Bang Theory
"So how you been?"
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"I'm hungry now."
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"Will you cut up hot dogs into little chunks and mix them in with the sauce?"
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"Oh. You're in for what my mother calls a real Italian treat."
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"Well, of course I'm hungry."
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"So you wanna do something tonight?"
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"Eighteen overweight women flapping their arm fat..."
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"Now you don't have a girlfriend you wanna hang out with me again."
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"Since when do you take after-dinner walks?"
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"I can't think of a reason why not."
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"I've missed you."
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"Bye."
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"No. I mean, I have no idea what you smell."
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"You might wanna stand back. I'm sitting on top of 13 horses here."
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"And you think my presence will help with that?"
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"Oh, I believe that was something else I wasn't supposed to mention."
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"No."
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"Have you been running?"
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"What do you want, Sheldon?"
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"I like spaghetti with little hot dogs."
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"And now, as promised, the tangent."
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"Oh. Sheldon seemed to think I'd be upset about you hanging out."
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"Well, he heard me making plans on the phone. Was I gonna say no?"
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"And don't let him go on Space Mountain after he eats."
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"We're home."
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"I have food here. You were gonna call."
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"Oh, I should probably get going."
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"Oh, damn. They cancelled my Visa."
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"Uh-oh."
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"- What? - I was going to get my mail."
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"Okay."
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"Are you hoping to get it telepathically?"
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"I think you mean telekinetically."
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"And no."
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"Ugh."
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"God, can we please just say "no longer seeing each other""
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"Well, we could if it were true."
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"You live in the same building. You see each other all the time."
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"The variable which has changed is the coitus."
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"Okay, here's the protocol."
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"You and I are still friends, and you stop saying coitus."
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"Good. I'm glad we're still friends."
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"- Really? - Oh, yes."
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"It was a lot of work to accommodate you in my life."
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"I'd hate for that effort to have been in vain."
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"Right."
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"Just to be clear, do I have to stop saying "coitus" with everyone or just you?"
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"Everyone."
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"Harsh terms, but all right."
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"- I'll just substitute "intercourse." - Great."
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"Or "fornication." Yeah..."
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"But that has judgmental overtones, so I'll hold that in reserve."
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"Well, my existence is a continuum..."
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"...so I've been what I am at each point in the implied time period."
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"You're just coitusing with me, aren't you?"
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"- Buzzinga. - Mm."
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"- How's Leonard doing? - He seems all right..."
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"...although he does spend a disturbing amount of time..."
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"...looking at photographs of you and smelling the pillow you slept on."
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"Although now that I think of it, he asked me not to tell you that."
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"I'd rather you pretend I didn't say it."
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"I see you bought Mama Italia marinara spaghetti sauce."
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"- Yep. - That's the sauce my mother uses."
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"She likes cooking Italian..."
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"...because, according to her, that's what the Romans made Jesus eat."
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"Interesting. I'll have to have you over for spaghetti some night."
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"Oh, um, okay. Why don't you give me an hour and come over?"
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"- I don't have hot dogs. - It's all right. I do."
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"- Hey, where you been? - I was talking with Penny."
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"What's wrong with you? You can't hang out with your roommate's ex."
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"That's totally uncool."
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"No, it's fine. I don't care. I'm over it."
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"Yeah. That's why he's been whining..."
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"...about trying to invent that memory-wiper gizmo from Men In Black."
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"Is he making any progress?"
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"Because I'd like to erase Ben Affleck as Daredevil."
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"So would Ben Affleck."
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"The point is, in a situation like this, you gotta pick sides."
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"You're either on team Leonard or team Penny."
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"- Which one picks last? - What?"
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"Usually, I'm on the team that picks last."
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"Unless there's a kid in a wheelchair."
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"Sheldon, I got you your tangerine chicken."
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"I hope you're hungry."
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"And as I have no plans to eat with any other team..."
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"...I will consume my tangerine chicken with the appropriate gusto."
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"Mm, mm, mm."
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"Okay."
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"I don't know. Why?"
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"Just making dinner conversation."
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"Go team Leonard."
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"- Oh, God, this is good. - Let me ask you a question."
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"Do you believe you're going to go to hell for eating sweet-and-sour pork?"
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"Jews don't have hell. We have acid reflux."
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"Do you want the last dumpling, Sheldon?"
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"Certainly. It's not like I have to moderate my food intake..."
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"...because I'm planning on eating again very shortly."
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"No, I can't. I gotta pick up my mom from her water-aerobics class."
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"...in a swimming pool."
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"It's like the manatee tank at SeaWorld."
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"- What about you, Raj? - Oh, there it is."
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"I never stopped hanging out with you."
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"I'm the friend you call when you have no other options."
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"If we were the Justice League, I'd be Aquaman."
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"I wish you were Aquaman."
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"Then I could send you to scoop my mom out of the old-lady tank."
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"Excuse me, I'm thirsty..."
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"...so I'm going to go to the refrigerator and get myself a refreshing beverage."
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"You know what? I'll just spend the evening alone."
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"What? Suddenly, I'm not good enough for you?"
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"I do so love beverages."
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"Now I think I'll take my after-dinner walk."
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"Since when do you take walks?"
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"I read a study online that walking after a meal not only aids in digestion..."
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"...but increases serotonin."
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"If there's one thing I like more than a refreshing beverage, it's serotonin. Bye."
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"- Hold on. I'll walk down with you. - Oh, that's not necessary."
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"You can go first."
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"Or we could go together."
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