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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Bad Fish Paradigm (S02E02)

"I get it. Leonard has no business being involved with a waitress/actress..."
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"Why would you lie about that?"
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"...and I didn't want him to think I was some kind of stupid loser."
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"You thought the opposite of "stupid loser" was "community-college graduate"?"
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"...who are community-college graduates."
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"Right. Okay, look, this is between you and me."
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"Well, I'm sorry."
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"You would've had to express that desire before revealing the secret..."
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"You can't impose a secret on an ex post facto basis."
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"Secret-keeping is a complicated endeavor. One has to be concerned..."
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"...not only about what one says, but about facial expressions, autonomic reflexes."
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"...I myself have more nervous tics than a Lyme disease research facility."
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"It's a joke."
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"It relies on the homonymic relationship between tick, the bloodsucking arachnid..."
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"...and tic, the involuntary muscular contraction."
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"I made it up myself."
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"- Physiologically impossible. - Oh, Sheldon, please."
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"Look, I'm asking you as a friend."
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"One more question. Perhaps I should've led with this:"
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"When did we become friends?"
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"I.e., I couldn't become Green Lantern unless I was chosen by the Guardians of Oa."
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"Given enough startup capital and an adequate research facility..."
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"...I could be Batman."
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"- You could be Batman? - Sure."
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"See?"
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"If you're not doing anything Friday night, I thought we could go see a movie."
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"- Okay. What about Saturday? - You know, I'm not sure."
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"The manager hasn't posted the schedule. How about I let you know?"
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"So you just let me know when you know. Okay, so-- Oh, God, I am the bad fish."
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"- What did I do wrong? - Why are you asking me?"
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"I have no information about your interactions with Penny..."
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"...nor do I have any method of learning such things."
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"- ...where, obviously, none exists. - No, I didn't."
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"I just think you need to be careful how you phrase things, sir."
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"- What's going on with you? - Well, I might ask you the same question."
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"Why do you drag me into matters which have nothing to do with me..."
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"What's wrong with your face?"
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"There's no reason to bring my looks into this."
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"- Good day, Leonard. - What?"
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"I said, good day."
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"Why don't you take a minute to decide?"
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"Like a Renaissance triptych."
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"Like a cheap suit."
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"That's why I was refused clearance for a government research fellowship..."
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"...12.5 miles southeast of Traverse City, Michigan."
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"Which you did not hear about from me."
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"Look, just forget I told you about me..."
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"Forget? You want me to forget? This mind does not forget."
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"- It was a drizzly Tuesday. - Okay."
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"You promised me you would keep my secret..."
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"...so you are just gonna have to figure out a way to do it."
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"Leonard, I'm moving out."
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"- Yeah, there kind of does. - Not necessarily."
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"This is a classic example of Münchausen's trilemma."
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"Either the reason is predicated on a series of sub-reasons leading to regression..."
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"...or it tracks back to axiomatic statements, or it's ultimately circular..."
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"Hey, qu'est-ce que c'up?"
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"We just got back from that exhibit of those plasticized cadavers."
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"Some of those skinless chicks were hot."
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"If you'll excuse me, I'm going to pack."
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"That's kind of an overreaction to a little harmless necrophilia."
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"It's not you, Howard. He says he's moving out."
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"What did you do?"
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"- No. - Did you take a Band-Aid off..."
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"- No. - Did you buy generic ketchup?"
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"Forget to rinse the sink? Talk to him through the bathroom door?"
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"Adjust the thermostat? Cook with cilantro? Pronounce the T in "often"?"
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"No."
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"I didn't do anything. He's just gone insane."
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"Well, we all knew this day was coming."
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"It's my pre-packed disaster evacuation bag."
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"It's recommended by the Department of Homeland Security."
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"And Sarah Connor."
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"Where are you gonna live?"
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"Bye."
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"Well-- But you can't stay with me. I have a teeny-tiny apartment."
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"Excuse me, but isn't hosting guests an aspect of manushya yajna..."
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"Don't be ridiculous. You love trains."
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"Yes, I do. Come on."
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"See you later, Leonard."
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"This could work."
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"- Uh-oh. - What?"
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"Yeah, I had it on my bed, and I didn't pack it."
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"- lf you're not comfortable staying here-- - I'm kidding. I packed it."
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"It was a joke. Yeah, I was subverting the conversational expectations."
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"- Is that woman Aishwarya Rai? - Yes. Isn't she an amazing actress?"
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"Actually, I'd say she's a poor man's Madhuri Dixit."
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"By comparison, Madhuri Dixit is a leprous prostitute."
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"Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you."
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"Obviously, you're not that familiar with Indian cinema."
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"Who is it?"
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"Tag. You're it."
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"Shouldn't you have put him in a brown paper bag and set him on fire?"
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"I've never slept on an air mattress before."
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"No lumbar support whatsoever."
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"Maybe you'd be happier on a park bench."
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"- Do you wanna switch? - No. That's fine."
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"- Get out of bed. We're switching. - Now, only if you want to."
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"Just get in the bed."
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"We're just talking, Ma."
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"For God's sake, Ma, I'm 27 years old."
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"- Comfy now? - Eh...."
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"That poster of Halle Berry is a little unnerving."
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"So don't look at it."
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"- She's like my fourth favorite Catwoman. - No kidding?"
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"- What about Lee Meriwether? - Oh, I forgot about Lee Meriwether."
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"Well, I'm glad that's settled."
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"That makes Halle Berry my fifth favorite Catwoman."
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"Julie Newmar, Michelle Pfeiffer, Eartha Kitt, Lee Meriwether--"
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"- Please, I'm begging you, go to sleep. - I'm trying. I'm counting Catwomen."
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"She did make a fine mutant in the X-Men movies, though."
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"Oh, for God's sake."
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"Professor X, Nightcrawler, Wolverine, Cyclops, Iceman, then Storm, Angel...."
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"Hey."
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"There he is. There's my old buddy-bud-bud."
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"- What's with him? - Koothrappali dumped him on me."
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"He couldn't get to sleep, so I gave him a glass of milk..."
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"...with a handful of my mom's Valium in it."
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"I'm back."
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"- Why not? - I promised Penny."
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