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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Bad Fish Paradigm (S02E02)

"So, what you're eating is not technically yogurt."
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"- Well, that's very interesting. - It's also not pink and has no berries."
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"I didn't feel a draft."
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"...and when we want to get there?"
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"Or we could just wing it."
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"- Good night, Leonard. - Good night."
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"...why your relationship with Penny crashed and burned..."
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"Okay. All right. Let's assume your hypothesis."
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"Or, "How much does your mom weigh? I wanna know what I'm getting into.""
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"Clearly a bad sign amongst mating humans."
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"Which, by the way, compared to you guys, approaches warp speed."
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"He was a lot more fun when he had no hope."
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"- Hi. - Oh, hi, Penny."
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"Four is still releasing the fabric softener too early in the cycle."
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"Why don't you just take your clothes down to the river and beat them with a rock?"
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"I would prefer that you not, but I won't go so far as to forbid it."
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"All right, I heard "yes," so...."
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"For another, it was literature."
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"...he'll eventually get bored with me?"
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"- That depends. - On what?"
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"Do you speak Klingon?"
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"No."
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"- You know any card tricks? - Okay."
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"...who felt so insecure, that she lied to him about finishing community college."
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"There are a lot of successful people in this country..."
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"When I try to deceive..."
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"Okay, look, if Leonard finds out that I lied, I will absolutely die of embarrassment."
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"You're saying that friendship contains within it..."
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"...an inherent obligation to maintain confidences?"
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"- Well, yeah. - Interesting."
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"- Hi, Penny. - Hey."
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"You know, I think I have the dinner shift on Friday."
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"You seem to be implying a back channel between me and Penny..."
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"...but exist between you and Penny, a person to whom I barely speak?"
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"Also today we have a fresh-caught Alaska salmon..."
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"- Our soup of the day-- - You must release me from my oath."
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"Sheldon, I'm working."
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"I can't keep your secret, Penny."
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"...not graduating from community college, okay?"
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"I haven't forgotten a thing since the day my mother stopped breastfeeding me."
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"What do you mean you're moving out? Why?"
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"There doesn't have to be a reason."
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"Leonard, I don't see how I could've made it any simpler."
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"Did you change the contrast or brightness settings on the television?"
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"...in front of him?"
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"Did you make fun of trains?"
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"That was fast."
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"Until I find a permanent place, I will stay with friends."
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"I can't believe I didn't bring my Geiger counter."
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"I believe they call that the old switcheroo."
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"Terrific."
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"Aishwarya Rai is a goddess."
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"Stripper-gram."
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"I'm perfectly comfortable sleeping on a bouncy castle."
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"MRS. WOLOWITZ: What's going on? Are you boys roughhousing?"
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"And it's not even a school night!"
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"But he still wouldn't shut up, so tag, you're it."
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"- I still don't know why you left. - I can't tell you."
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"Not that secret, the other secret."
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"Most of your work is extremely derivative."
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"Everybody knows."
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"- What are you talking about? - I wanna say that it's not Sheldon's fault."
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"Right, but I have to have some sort of degree to date you?"
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"- That doesn't matter to me at all. - So it's fine with you if I'm not smart?"
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"Absolutely."
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"It doesn't have enough live acidophilus cultures."
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"It's really just ice milk with carrageenan added for thickness."
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"Yeah, but it doesn't really answer my question."
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"- Right. No. I'm lactose intolerant. - Right."
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"- So gas. - Yeah, got it."
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"Well, good night."
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"- What are you doing? - There was a draft."
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"- Why don't we just go into your--? - Oh, yeah."
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"No, I didn't mean to go into your apartment to go fast."
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"No, I know."
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"Okay. Sure. No problem."
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"Why don't we just figure out where we're going..."
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"And then rate of speed equals distance over time."
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"That might work too."
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"He's coming. Screen saver."
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"Oh, hey, Leonard."
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"Sheldon, how could you just sit there and let them spy on me?"
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"They were clever."
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"They exploited my complete lack of interest in what you were doing."
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"You should thank us. When future generations try to determine..."
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"What are you talking about? The date went fine."
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"She said she wants to slow things down."
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"Okay, so she said she wants to slow things down."
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"It's like saying, "I'm really enjoying this meal."
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"I'm going to slow down and savor it.""
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"...so I'm gonna slow down and spit it out.""
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"- You being the fish. - I'm not the fish."
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"We went to dinner, we talked, we laughed, we kissed."
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"Where could I have gone wrong?"
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"Think back, Leonard. The littlest things can set women off."
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"Like, "Hey, the waitress is hot. I bet we could get her to come home with us.""
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"- I didn't say anything like that. - Good, because they don't work."
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"They don't care for it if you stare at them and hyperventilate."
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"Sadly, that's my home-run swing."
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"Look, everything went fine."
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"Let's go to the tape."
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"Look at her reaction to the good-night kiss."
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"No change in respiration, pupils undilated, no flushing of the chest."
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"Nice close-up, by the way."
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"That's not a bad sign."
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"Please. You might as well have been two iguana with no dewlap enlargement."
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"And the worst sign of all is you're here and not there."
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"I'm not there, because I'm taking things slow."
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"Yeah, FYI, the hot water is inadequate on Machine 2, so colors only."
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"- So I'd avoid using that for your delicates. - Thanks."
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"Sheldon, may I ask you a question?"
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"Okay, here's my question:"
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"Has Leonard ever dated, you know, a regular girl?"
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"Well, I assume you're not referring to digestive regularity."
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"Because I've come to learn that such inquiries are inappropriate."
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"No, I meant has he ever been involved with someone who wasn't a brainiac?"
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"Oh! Well, a few years ago..."
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"...he did go out with a woman who had a Ph.D. in French literature."
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"- How is that not a brainiac? - Well, for one thing, she was French."
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"Do you think that if Leonard and I keep dating..."
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