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Clips from South Park - Jewbilee (S03E03)

"Hold still, Ike. We have to get you dressed."
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"I have to go to Jewbilee."
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"It's gonna suck ass, I'm sure."
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"But you have to believe the basic tenets of Judaism to be a Scout."
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"Don't worry, Kenny, I'll fill you in on our faith on the way up there."
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"Abraham begat Isaac, who the Lord then said to kill,"
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"but that was just a little silly trick to see if Abraham would do it."
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"No, Ike!"
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"- No. - Tell Ike how much fun Squirts is, Kyle."
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"- Your boys are safe with us. - I'm sure they are."
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"so I gotta spend all night instructing Squirts!"
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"- Name? - Kyle Broflovski."
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"This is where the Elders meet."
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"I want to welcome you all."
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"Elder Karn from the Orthodox Synagogue."
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"We're new."
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"Okay, Squirts, the Elders have given us a very important task tonight."
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"Because that's what Squirts do! Now shut your pie hole!"
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"There we go."
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"- Ishmael? - Apple!"
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"Good."
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"You don't make a macaroni picture of The Last Supper at a Jewish camp!"
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"Oh, my God! It's that bear they've been talking about!"
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"Where'd he go? Squirts, go grab your gear!"
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"All sects of Judaism follow the words of Moses."
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"All you ever do is worship Moses, but it says in the Book of Centuries"
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"- that Haman will one day lead the Jews. - We pray to Moses here, Elder."
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"but your synagogue of anti-Semites is too strange."
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"and pray to Moses for guidance during Jewbilee."
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"All right, Jew Scouts. The meteor shower will start soon."
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"Moses, great leader, on this blessed night of Jewbilee,"
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"we ask for your tutelage."
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"Do not fear, Haman. This night shall be yours,"
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"and the anti-Semitic Jews will once again rule the Earth!"
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"We are Squirts, we are Squirts We're so kosher, that it hurts"
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"When we get older, we'll be Scouts But until then, we are Squirts"
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"There he is, Squirts."
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"just close enough to throw the net on the stupid bear."
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"Great Moses, we, your most loyal followers,"
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"All right, Scouts, let's all show Moses our soap sculptures,"
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"A conch shell, like this one."
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"We need those macaroni pictures for Moses right now!"
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"Now, that ought to be enough to kill a stupid bear."
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"Okay. Here he comes. Easy now. Easy, Squirts."
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"Okay, Squirt, lower the tray."
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"You think you can stop me from getting my Chutzpah Badge, you stupid bear?"
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"Think again!"
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"Great and honourable Moses,"
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"I desire..."
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"All you need is some popcorn and a needle and thread."
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"have you defiled Jew Scouts by bringing a non-Hebrew to Jewbilee?"
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"He must be dealt with."
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"I told you. The meteor shower is the time of Haman!"
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"Dude, what the hell is going on?"
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"Everyone, remember your squadron."
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"I wanna go home."
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"That bear thinks he can outsmart me."
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"It's one of the Squirts the bear took. Maybe he's okay."
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"It's a trap!"
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"Damn! Damn, damn, damn! Okay, bear!"
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"or Jew Scouts or any of this crap! Forget it!"
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"It's hopeless. Haman will be summoned,"
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"- How? - Kenny will find a way."
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"Yeah!"
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"- The wakening of a new kingdom. - You can't wake Haman!"
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""Haman, the great summoning is done! Upon these words let your spirit come!""
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"- It's the Squirts! - Go, Ike!"
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"Oh, no! It's too late!"
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"- What is that? - It is Haman."
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"Yes! Yes!"
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"- Hooray! - Kenny!"
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"He saved us. He saved all the Jews."
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"and being a separatist sucks ass."
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"We've learnt a lot from you and your great friend Kenny."
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"Every year we shall gather here in this special place"
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"where you put beans inside of paper plates that are glued together."
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"You heard him, Scouts. Let's get to work!"
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"- Where the heck is Kyle? - I don't know. Come on, Kyle!"
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"You're going to be late for Jew Scouts!"
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"- Kyle! - I'm coming, Ma!"
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"Go get the door, Kyle!"
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"Get ready, answer the door..."
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"Jesus Christ, make up your frigging mind!"
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"Hey, Kenny."
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"I can't watch the meteor shower with you, Kenny."
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"It's what we do in Jew Scouts."
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"Usually we just sit around and make stuff,"
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"but tonight because there's a meteor shower,"
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"we're gonna do some big thing out in the woods."
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"Hey, maybe you can go with me. Then it won't suck so hard."
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"Well, Kyle, Jewbilee is sort of a special thing."
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"Kenny isn't special?"
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"No, no, you're very special, Kenny. It's just that..."
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"Well, Jewbilee is for Jewish kids."
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"You see, boys, Jew Scouts is a special group"
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"that borrows a little bit from all different Jewish denominations."
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"From the Orthodox Jews, from the Hasidic Jews,"
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"from the Northern Italy Cave Jews."
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"Kenny will believe whatever you want him to."
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"- Yeah! - Kyle, the problem is..."
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"Please, Ma. I don't think Kenny has anywhere else to be tonight."
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"All right. Just don't let any of the Elders know that he isn't Jewish, okay?"
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"Come on, Ike! It's time to go to Squirts."
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"You have to be in Squirts if you're too young to be a Jew Scout."
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"And then, Kenny, Abraham's wife bore him no children."
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"She had a handmaid, an Egyptian, whose name was Hagar."
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""And Sarai said unto Abraham, 'Behold now,"
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""'the Lord hath restrained me from bearing: I pray thee, go into my maid."'"
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"No, Ike! Ma, Ike keeps taking off his Squirt uniform!"
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"Ike, you behave!"
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"I don't think Ike wants to go to Squirts."
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"Ike, your brother Kyle was in Squirts and so was I."
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"- What, you want me to lie? - Yeah, lie."
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"- Ike, Squirts is so much fun... - Oh, my God. What is that?"
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"Hey, it's a bear!"
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"Wow, cool!"
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"Welcome to Jewbilee! You folks find it okay?"
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"Yeah, actually, we saw a bear a few miles back."
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"He was huge!"
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"Yeah, we spotted him a few days ago. Nothing to worry about, though."
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