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Clips from Scrubs - Our First Day of School (S09E09)

"I can still feel a bond."
Scrubs
"And I thought, why don't you deal with the whiny emotional stuff,"
Scrubs
"and in return, I will let you do that."
Scrubs
"Look, just let me fly under the radar."
Scrubs
"Please."
Scrubs
"I guess I should answer any annoying questions you all have."
Scrubs
"Yeah, Monkey Nuts."
Scrubs
"LUCY: There, smelling incident fixed."
Scrubs
"Yeah, they gave me money to do it,"
Scrubs
"along with free room and board to attend to your emotional needs."
Scrubs
"If you're going to kill yourself, I'm looking at you, Sad Eyes,"
Scrubs
"do it off-campus because it's a butt-load of paperwork."
Scrubs
"All right, everyone, pay attention, because my spleen is right here."
Scrubs
"Whoops, that feels more like my private-time area."
Scrubs
"Wouldn't it be easier if you could see what you were doing?"
Scrubs
"This is the way I'm doing it, Cole."
Scrubs
"Or maybe you're just uncomfortable"
Scrubs
"because it's a black man's head on a fake white man's body."
Scrubs
"That's right, people, it just got real up in here."
Scrubs
"In my class, you will each be graded by the color of your skin."
Scrubs
"If you're white, raise your hand."
Scrubs
""F's.""
Scrubs
"- There he is. - Yes!"
Scrubs
"- Turk! Up here! - Dude, what the hell are you doing?"
Scrubs
"I thought it'd be more dramatic if we spotted each other from afar,"
Scrubs
"and then ran to see each other!"
Scrubs
"But now, if we meet in the middle,"
Scrubs
"we'll wind up somewhere inside the hospital,"
Scrubs
"and this really feels like more of an outside thing."
Scrubs
"If you count to 10 before you run,"
Scrubs
"I should be able to get downstairs and over to you!"
Scrubs
"I'm already counting!"
Scrubs
"Three, four..."
Scrubs
"- Hey, Dr. Turk. - Not now, Denise."
Scrubs
"- Turk! - I'm late, gotta go."
Scrubs
"TURK AND J. D: (SINGING) Let's go, it's guy love"
Scrubs
"(GRUNTS)"
Scrubs
"J. D: I'll be there to care through all the lows"
Scrubs
"TURK: I'll be there to share the highs"
Scrubs
"When was the last time you guys saw each other?"
Scrubs
"This morning. We carpooled."
Scrubs
"You know what I'd like to do now?"
Scrubs
"Talk to the hand. Remember that?"
Scrubs
"I'm really looking forward to teaching with you."
Scrubs
"Onward, eagle!"
Scrubs
"Oh, good God."
Scrubs
"So, that's what you're going to wear to teach?"
Scrubs
"I'll have you know, this is the very jacket"
Scrubs
"worn by Michelle Pfeiffer in Dangerous Minds."
Scrubs
"By the way, whatever happened to the Janitor?"
Scrubs
"When's that little buddy of yours coming back?"
Scrubs
"He's never coming back. He's gone for good."
Scrubs
"- He's right here, isn't he? - Where would I be hiding him?"
Scrubs
"...after his vacation. - No."
Scrubs
"(SIGHS)"
Scrubs
"And no one ever saw him again."
Scrubs
"- Dr. Kelso? What are you doing here? - I'm teaching a couple of classes."
Scrubs
"But we're always gonna inspire each other."
Scrubs
"You're still such an odd little fruit."
Scrubs
"Is that a woman's jacket?"
Scrubs
"- No, it's a men's small. - Yes, it's actually a jacket"
Scrubs
"- from Dangerous Minds. - He doesn't need to know that."
Scrubs
"Dr. Kelso, I heard about Enid's passing."
Scrubs
"- I'm so sorry. - Well, you bottom out,"
Scrubs
"and then you persevere."
Scrubs
"I feel like I can say the worst is over."
Scrubs
"Oh!"
Scrubs
"- I'm a frequent flier. - Congrats, I guess."
Scrubs
"Oh."
Scrubs
"- Ben. Ischemic bowel disease. - Lucy. I'm a med student."
Scrubs
"- You look like you could use a grape. - Thanks, Ben, I really could."
Scrubs
"No stealing food from patients."
Scrubs
"Gather around, murderers. Gather around."
Scrubs
"I saw that. Spit it out."
Scrubs
"LUCY: Score!"
Scrubs
"You should all follow 19's lead."
Scrubs
"And I call her 19 because instead of using your names,"
Scrubs
"I am going to go by where you currently rank in my head."
Scrubs
"Now, who can tell me"
Scrubs
"what artery goes above the optic chiasm to the cerebral hemispheres?"
Scrubs
"Supermodel in the back."
Scrubs
"(IN AUSTRALIAN ACCENT) I'm fairly certain it's the anterior cerebral artery."
Scrubs
"I'm not understanding a word that she's saying."
Scrubs
"And, people, I can teach anyone. You just gotta speak English."
Scrubs
"- I'm Australian. - Still not getting it."
Scrubs
"Everyone, leave. (WHISTLES)"
Scrubs
"- I'm sorry about the grape thing. - Don't sweat it, 42."
Scrubs
"Is my number going down because I'm talking to you?"
Scrubs
"- Why was Michael in my room? - His name isn't Michael."
Scrubs
"Well, he has a weird Serbian name that I can't say,"
Scrubs
"so I'm calling him Michael. He loves it."
Scrubs
"- I don't. My name is Ilyavich. - Mike, just go."
Scrubs
"Young Michael informed me that you told everyone to come to me"
Scrubs
"- with their personal problems. - Yeah, I did."
Scrubs
"I checked on you."
Scrubs
"and you didn't just flame out. You like... You went nuclear."
Scrubs
"- Seriously, how was prison? - It was cold."
Scrubs
"You couldn't just let me be."
Scrubs
"Well, I'm gonna take the high road and not mention your mannish voice"
Scrubs
"Tell me, which one's your BFF?"
Scrubs
"- You are a giant douche. - I know."
Scrubs
"- Wanna take a shower together? - Fine."
Scrubs
"You know, you think you're so hot, but I'm not a fan."
Scrubs
"Hey, I'm not happy about this, either, okay?"
Scrubs
"Welcome to internal medicine, gang."
Scrubs
"My name is Dr. John Dorian."
Scrubs
"What I'll tell you is, I don't like to really stop."
Scrubs
"That ruins my flow."
Scrubs
"So, what I'm gonna do is give a subtle nod, like so,"
Scrubs
"as a signal, okay? Now, back to my name."
Scrubs
"I prefer "Dr. D," or in a pinch, "Dr. Dizzle,""
Scrubs
"- but if you see me out in the quad... - There is no quad."
Scrubs
"I'm not a big fan of the TAs doing a lot of speaking, Denise. Okay?"
Scrubs
"Wait, wait. That was an accidental nod, you guys."
Scrubs
"No note-taking. No note-taking, okay?"
Scrubs
"Now, if you see me out in the quad,"
Scrubs
"I want you to think of me as more than your teacher."
Scrubs
"I'm also your friend, all right?"
Scrubs
"Okay, we're definitely gonna need a new signal for the note-taking thing."
Scrubs
"This guy's trying to die on me again. Who wants to play patient roulette?"
Scrubs
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