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Clips from Archer (2009) - Animation (S02E02)

""If you like puzzles, I may have a job for you.""
Archer (2009)
"And guess who he was."
Archer (2009)
"PAM & CHERYL: Wild Bill Donovan. - Wild Bill Donovan, head of the OSS."
Archer (2009)
"Three weeks later I was in Tunisia, killing a man."
Archer (2009)
"But I always wondered, what if I had gotten that commercial?"
Archer (2009)
"Guess that Tunisian guy would still be alive."
Archer (2009)
"He was German. And this character, Gerald Martin, the CIA director..."
Archer (2009)
"Why couldn't that be Geraldine Martin? No, no, that's awful."
Archer (2009)
"Uh... Ooh. Malory!"
Archer (2009)
"But not Martin, something like Steele, because she's a very strong woman who..."
Archer (2009)
"Who will remember that at bonus time!"
Archer (2009)
"[WHISPERING] ...who's black."
Archer (2009)
"[RONA SQUEALING]"
Archer (2009)
"Ha, ha. Oh, my God, that is amazing!"
Archer (2009)
"And that was a lot better."
Archer (2009)
"And, oh, my God, seriously, I am so really super sorry about that."
Archer (2009)
"Totally my fault."
Archer (2009)
"Buy a suit at Bergdorf's, send the bill to my manager."
Archer (2009)
"Right after I go to the hospital."
Archer (2009)
"RONA: Oh, my God, if I, like..."
Archer (2009)
"...possessed the capacity to be embarrassed..."
Archer (2009)
"Let's see what we have in a semiautomatic."
Archer (2009)
"[IMITATING GUNFIRE]"
Archer (2009)
"- What's not? - Your stance, you're fighting yourself."
Archer (2009)
"- Excuse me? - You're rigid and stiff..."
Archer (2009)
"You gotta relax. Let your weapon be an extension of your body."
Archer (2009)
"Oh, my God."
Archer (2009)
"ARCHER: Aw. I meant to make a frowny face."
Archer (2009)
"But, hey, speaking of your body and my body and stiffness..."
Archer (2009)
"Ow!"
Archer (2009)
"[MUFFLED] I guess that really hurt."
Archer (2009)
"What?"
Archer (2009)
"LANA: You should have ear protection."
Archer (2009)
"Yeah, ha-ha-ha. Grown-ups. Keep moving your lips without..."
Archer (2009)
"[HIGH-PITCH BUZZING]"
Archer (2009)
"Mawp..."
Archer (2009)
"Excuse me. Mah..."
Archer (2009)
"[IN NORMAL VOICE] Can you believe I used to date him?"
Archer (2009)
"- And... Wait, what? - Yes. And I bet he cheated on you."
Archer (2009)
"Just like I bet every one of your boyfriends has, all the way back to..."
Archer (2009)
"Sorry, but I assume you were just an insanely gawky teenager?"
Archer (2009)
"- There was some mild gawkiness, but... - Which you've never got over..."
Archer (2009)
"...which is why, please don't hate me, you're teeming with insecurities."
Archer (2009)
"- When you totally shouldn't be. - Ha, ha, I'm not."
Archer (2009)
"You're gorgeous and smart... Have you read Unleashing the Me by Reinhart Schmoll?"
Archer (2009)
"- Uh... I haven't. - Ooh, you have to read it."
Archer (2009)
"Take my copy, it'll change your life and..."
Archer (2009)
"- Oh, and you have to start keeping a journal. - Uh..."
Archer (2009)
"Hey, where's my journal?"
Archer (2009)
"Um, I maybe kind of slightly took it."
Archer (2009)
"Wha...? Why would you do that?"
Archer (2009)
"- Did you think it was meat? PAM: L..."
Archer (2009)
"Shut up. I wanted to see what she's really like."
Archer (2009)
"Give me that. Little Miss Invasion of the Privacy Snatchers."
Archer (2009)
"Oh, come on. Haven't you ever snooped on somebody you thought was dreamy?"
Archer (2009)
"No. Well, except Randy Muckler..."
Archer (2009)
"So I made a phone call to the draft board. Now who's laughing, Mr. Hooks for Hands?"
Archer (2009)
"- Did...? - A booby trap blew both his arms off."
Archer (2009)
"He said it was in a coconut."
Archer (2009)
"Oh, yeah, please. Keep gawking at the deaf person. Mawp..."
Archer (2009)
"- Ugh, deaf people are gross. - Not as gross as the hook-hand ones."
Archer (2009)
"Eh..."
Archer (2009)
"I don't know."
Archer (2009)
"- Mawp, mawp, mawp. - Yeah. Stop. Quit doing that."
Archer (2009)
"- Is that helping? Fricking Lana. - Stop."
Archer (2009)
"I mean, even for her, this is over the line. She's gonna wish I was never born."
Archer (2009)
"- Just gonna softball it in like that? - Mawp... What?"
Archer (2009)
"CYRIL: I'm sorry? - I said, "Come in here, I need your help.""
Archer (2009)
"- Oh, no. Please, Miss Archer, l... - Wha...? Don't flatter yourself."
Archer (2009)
"Oh. "Cut to Malory Steele, the 50ish and incredibly sexy CIA director...""
Archer (2009)
"- Spy comedy? - What? No."
Archer (2009)
"- Because that has been done. - It's a taut, sexy thriller."
Archer (2009)
"Or it will be, if I could just get all the taut, sexy bits in the right order."
Archer (2009)
"...and I think I can sell them on a rewrite if you fix it."
Archer (2009)
"For starters, I don't think you wanna say this guy..."
Archer (2009)
"...is "as coal black and thick-muscled as a field hand.""
Archer (2009)
"I mean, only two, three guys could play that."
Archer (2009)
"You just have to find the guy who's not intimidated by your power."
Archer (2009)
"Or my twin TEC-9s."
Archer (2009)
"Or those big, steam-shovelly scoops you call hands."
Archer (2009)
"- Wha...? - I'm kidding. Look at me."
Archer (2009)
"That's the gawky 6-foot teenager everybody cheats on..."
Archer (2009)
"...not the embodiment of sexy, empowered womanhood that you've become."
Archer (2009)
"You really think I'm sexy and empowered?"
Archer (2009)
"Oh, uh... You're like a brown Boudicca."
Archer (2009)
"Who I wrote an amazing poem about in... Damn, I wish I could find my journal."
Archer (2009)
"So then it's settled. We're a go on Operation..."
Archer (2009)
"- Ooh. What should we call it? - Dick Sledge."
Archer (2009)
"- You wanna...? - No, but it's like sour milk."
Archer (2009)
"You just gotta take a whiff."
Archer (2009)
"What's the story, neckbones?"
Archer (2009)
"Sophomore year at my stupid college, I had a crush on the quarterback..."
Archer (2009)
"...this super hot guy named Dick Sledge."
Archer (2009)
"- Sploosh. - Jinx."
Archer (2009)
"I was invisible. He wouldn't even sign my cast when I broke my own arm."
Archer (2009)
"But I thought if I knew what he liked, then I'd have an in."
Archer (2009)
"So one Saturday when he had a game..."
Archer (2009)
"...I broke into his room to see what music he was into..."
Archer (2009)
"...or turtles or roll around in his clothes, or whatever..."
Archer (2009)
"But you were so busy sniffing his jock, you didn't hear him come in."
Archer (2009)
"Because he totally snuck up on me."
Archer (2009)
"Then I guess I blacked out. I don't remember stabbing him."
Archer (2009)
"- What? Why'd you have a knife? - I didn't."
Archer (2009)
"It was his stupid pair of scissors."
Archer (2009)
"That's how his tendon got severed."
Archer (2009)
"- Holy shit snacks. - Yeah. They said he could've gone pro."
Archer (2009)
"- So glossing over why you broke your arm... - So he'd sign my cast."
Archer (2009)
"Duh. Just break into Rona's apartment and put her stupid journal somewhere."
Archer (2009)
"- Hey, yeah. - Nope."
Archer (2009)
"- Why not? - Because it's just not believable..."
Archer (2009)
"- Oh, you don't... - would risk his career..."
Archer (2009)
"...for a woman twice his age. - So make her 40."
Archer (2009)
"Yeah, and who's gonna play her?"
Archer (2009)
"Me. That's the whole point."
Archer (2009)
"- Ow! - Type! Nerd."
Archer (2009)
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. Mawp. But I'm under a lot of stress."
Archer (2009)
"And we're not? Tsk, you got any idea how much I got on my plate?"
Archer (2009)
"- You know... - What?"
Archer (2009)
"I could've crushed that. Come on, let me help. What you got?"
Archer (2009)
"[SIGHS]"
Archer (2009)
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