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Clips from The Detour - The Road (S01E01)

"You don't seem to have a strong relationship with your wife."
The Detour
"- Bullshit. - No, I can't get diapers, babe."
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"Hey, I'm Nate."
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"I would love to take you out."
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"Everything I just said was true."
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"Hello?"
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"- It's Vanessa. - Who is it?"
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"Orlando?"
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"that we agreed upon."
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"Sorry. Plans change."
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"Caleb."
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"He's the lead singer of Sacrificial Jam."
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"That's not the context I was looking for."
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"Okay. What's wrong?"
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"You see that sign? Don't touch the driver."
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"- What are you... what? - Come on, just let me in there."
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"What is wrong with you?"
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"That dude just gave it to me."
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"I'm sorry. She was so young."
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"She would've wanted me to dress like this."
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"Oh, my god. What a shit show."
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"Looks like someone didn't get enough love from daddy."
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"and the truth is that when your aunt is wasted,"
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"No, that's not true."
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"- So who's funeral was it? - It doesn't matter."
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"- Be... - Becky?"
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"- Beckanny something or other. - That's not a name."
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"Oh!"
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"Look, when we tell our kids this story,"
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"Well, that's..."
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"Hey, get this shit away from my sister."
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"That's, like, 15 years in prison worth of coke."
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"My nose is on fire, but it feels really good."
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"- I really like Boston. - I could totally live in Boston."
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"- Right? - You know what else is great?"
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"- Are we doing it? - Oh, god, yeah, we're doing it."
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"I got a big set of balls, and I love you."
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"Okay, I'll be good to go in another five."
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"- Can I see another one? - No!"
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"Well, remember when I said I design roller coasters?"
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"Whoo!"
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"- You can barely skate! - He was a goon."
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"I wanna go to goon school when I grow up!"
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"Oh."
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"- Ohh! - And a rock for a head."
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"It taught me loyalty!"
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"It taught me to do the right thing..."
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"What I meant to ask is, what do you do for money?"
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"Oh."
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"I got a part-time job at this biotech pharma company."
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"Boom!"
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"Why would I take it off?"
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"Yeah, I felt a little Nate, but..."
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"It's bigger than that."
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"Mm."
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"Same reason I don't like tight pants, okay?"
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"- Okay, fine, rela... - Oh!"
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"Then what are you complaining about?"
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"It fell off 'cause his penis is too small!"
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"Oh, man. What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do?"
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"You brought it up, not me."
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"Or am I? Am I?"
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"I know. What do you do with twins?"
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"- You were pregnant. - Yep."
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"So what was there to decide?"
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"- No. - What color hair I was gonna have?"
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"Um... I had to make a choice, uh..."
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"About whether or not I was gonna keep you."
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"Um, Europe."
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"Every time I look at you..."
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"I am so thankful that I decided to stay in Syracuse."
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"So your mother gave up a trip to Europe,"
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"Um..."
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"- Did you see that, babe? - Yeah, that was aw... yeah."
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"That's one. That's one. Check it out."
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"If I make this, we're gonna be together forever."
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"- Did you see that? - No, I missed it. Nope."
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"Ow. Why are you saying weird things? You're talking weird."
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"I wrote this when I thought you liked bowling."
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"- Just watch. - Okay."
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"Ta-da!"
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"- Mm-hmm. - Baby?"
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"I've got something to tell you."
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"Yeah! I love Sharon."
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"Oh, my god! Why would you interrupt me when"
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"I'm trying to tell my sister the most important thing that"
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"But, Babe..."
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"to the whole having sex with a woman part..."
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"Why would you say that?"
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"You're pouring your heart on your sleeve?"
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"That's a thing she does."
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"And you're spewing hate at me."
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"Aah!"
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"I know! Finally! So proud of you."
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"And do you, sir, take Robin to be your lawfully wedded wife?"
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"Nope."
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"- So why do you wear rings? - They're promise rings."
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"Will we?"
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"- Of course it is. - Well, technically..."
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"- I can't tell you. - Yes, you can."
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"Have you not learned anything in the last 20 minutes?"
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"We don't tell each other every little detail"
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"Get back in the car, please."
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"- That's it. I'm out. - Oh. You know what?"
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"- This is bad. - I hope they don't get a divorce."
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"Does this mean we're choosing to live with mom now?"
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"Shut up, Jareb."
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"Babe, listen to me, please. I'm doing this for you."
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"O-okay, everything I do, I do for you guys!"
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"And I'm sorry your stupid shit show of a sister"
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"decided to meet me three hours away"
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"in Florida!"
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"Aw, come on! Push it to the side!"
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"You lied to her about"
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"the real reason you were going on vacation,"
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"which was to get your job back."
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"Because he left a trail of bodies about 6 miles long, that's why."
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"It's not you. I'm just joking."
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"All right. Okay. I'll be home soon."
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"I love you. Bye."
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