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Clips from Seinfeld - The Nose Job (S03E03)

"Give me an explanation why the pharmacist has to be..."
Seinfeld
"Oh, no, he's gotta be two and a half feet up."
Seinfeld
"...keep the little piece of paper in the roller of the typewriter."
Seinfeld
"Only I'm allowed up here."
Seinfeld
"- Impossible, right? - You got less than 60 seconds."
Seinfeld
"- Can you believe I did that? - What did she say?"
Seinfeld
"- How did it go? - Take a guess."
Seinfeld
"Too late for that."
Seinfeld
"I go to bed, I tell myself, Don't think about the nose. I think about it."
Seinfeld
"And I know one other thing:"
Seinfeld
"She gives to me. Well, two years later, he shows up and takes it back."
Seinfeld
"So, Elaine, go over to the apartment, tell the landlord you're his daughter..."
Seinfeld
"Peter Von Nostrand."
Seinfeld
"Why don't you just commit yourself already?"
Seinfeld
"What is so special about this jacket?"
Seinfeld
"It's amazing how many beautiful women live in New York."
Seinfeld
"You see what happens when you try to be nice?"
Seinfeld
"...if people said whatever they were thinking..."
Seinfeld
"- I hate the dentist. - It's a cleaning."
Seinfeld
"I'm going straight to hell."
Seinfeld
"- It is exciting. - Not as exciting as Miss Crop Circles."
Seinfeld
"Please, please. Isabel?"
Seinfeld
"- Then what? - He still wins, but it's not a blowout."
Seinfeld
"So, finally, Kramer comes in the other day."
Seinfeld
"...just remember, I was the one that encouraged you to do this."
Seinfeld
"It's, like, all dented."
Seinfeld
"Well, I'm sure they'll be able to fix it."
Seinfeld
"- I threw it out. - You're lying."
Seinfeld
"- You made me promise. - I changed my mind. I want it."
Seinfeld
"- I was lying. Give it to me. - You told me not to."
Seinfeld
"- We did? - We talked about going to Hawaii."
Seinfeld
"Ever since you came back from the Army, you've changed."
Seinfeld
"- That's not the line, Jerry. - All right, all right, I'm sorry."
Seinfeld
"Well, you just need to relax."
Seinfeld
"Do you have any idea what that's like for me? Do you care?"
Seinfeld
"Here."
Seinfeld
"I've read your book, professor, and I was quite intrigued by it."
Seinfeld
"...is it your contention that Shakespeare was an impostor?"
Seinfeld
"- Well, yes, that's my contention. - I heard him contend that."
Seinfeld
"- We're all proud of the work I'm doing. - Yes, she does fine work."
Seinfeld
"Checkmate."
Seinfeld
"Little punk."
Seinfeld
"They're crazy about him."
Seinfeld
"And bring back that box of Danish!"
Seinfeld
"Yes."
Seinfeld
"...to the rest of her face. She's breathtaking."
Seinfeld
"...on top of everything else?"
Seinfeld
"...two and a half feet up above everybody else."
Seinfeld
"What the hell is he doing he can't be on the floor with you and me?"
Seinfeld
"Brain surgeons, airline pilots, nuclear physicists, we're on the same level."
Seinfeld
"Look out, everybody, I'm working with pills."
Seinfeld
"Spread out, give me some room."
Seinfeld
"The only hard part of his whole job that I could see..."
Seinfeld
"...is typing everything onto that little, tiny label."
Seinfeld
"And has to try and get all the words on there..."
Seinfeld
"Oh, no. He's gotta be two and a half feet up."
Seinfeld
"Yeah, I'd like to get this prescription filled."
Seinfeld
"- Where'd you meet her? - I met her on an elevator."
Seinfeld
"On an elevator? You met a woman on an elevator?"
Seinfeld
"That's like dismantling a time bomb."
Seinfeld
"- What got into you? - I don't know. She was so beautiful..."
Seinfeld
"...it was a pure reflex. The words..."
Seinfeld
"- ...just came out of my mouth. - Wow. What did you say?"
Seinfeld
"You know, I'm the one responsible for those crop circles in England."
Seinfeld
"What crop circles?"
Seinfeld
"- Not a good sign. - Not everybody knows..."
Seinfeld
"...what the crop circles are. You know what the crop circles are?"
Seinfeld
"Crop circles? Why don't you buy something?"
Seinfeld
"You got something in your teeth."
Seinfeld
"- What? - It's green."
Seinfeld
"Oh, man, spinach. I've been walking around like this all afternoon."
Seinfeld
"- You bump into anybody you knew? - I had a job interview."
Seinfeld
"Well, Mr. Costanza, we have nothing available at the present time..."
Seinfeld
"...but should anything open up, we'll be in touch."
Seinfeld
"Okay, thanks."
Seinfeld
"You don't need a job. You got Audrey."
Seinfeld
"Yeah. Right."
Seinfeld
"- What's the matter? - No. Nothing."
Seinfeld
"- What? - You won't think I'm a bad person?"
Seinfeld
"Because, believe me, I would only say this to you and maybe a psychiatrist."
Seinfeld
"What is it?"
Seinfeld
"Well..."
Seinfeld
"Her nose is a little big."
Seinfeld
"Yeah, she's got a big nose."
Seinfeld
"I mean, big would even be okay."
Seinfeld
"It's beyond big."
Seinfeld
"It's a schnoz."
Seinfeld
"I'm aware that my own physical dimensions..."
Seinfeld
"- ...are a little short of perfection. - A little."
Seinfeld
"Who am I to be thinking about someone's nose?"
Seinfeld
"I should be grateful someone like her looks at me. I have no job, nothing."
Seinfeld
"But I have to say, I think about the nose."
Seinfeld
"I don't wanna think about it, I don't ask to think about it, but I think about it."
Seinfeld
"I look at her, I see the nose."
Seinfeld
"Stop being so concerned with looks."
Seinfeld
"- Have you said anything to her? - No. Could never do that."
Seinfeld
"The ironic thing is, if she had a smaller nose..."
Seinfeld
"...I never could've dated her. She'd be out of my league with a smaller nose."
Seinfeld
"And I really like her. I know that."
Seinfeld
"I'm not getting past that nose."
Seinfeld
"How can I not think about it? Look at the size of this thing."
Seinfeld
"My mother's going out with this guy who leaves a jacket in her house."
Seinfeld
"Now he's in prison. Got arrested for mail fraud."
Seinfeld
"...and you wanna bring him the jacket."
Seinfeld
"Won't the landlord know I'm not the daughter?"
Seinfeld
"No, he's never met her. She's in California."
Seinfeld
"- Are you coming with me? - Yeah, I have to. I'm your fiancé."
Seinfeld
"- No, you don't wanna know. - God..."
Seinfeld
"He believes it possesses some extraordinary power over women."
Seinfeld
"What's that splotch on your hand?"
Seinfeld
"I got stamped at the reggae lounge last night."
Seinfeld
"I'm going back there tonight. I'm not gonna pay another cover charge."
Seinfeld
"You didn't wash all day?"
Seinfeld
"Yeah, I washed. Just not the hand."
Seinfeld
"You wouldn't believe the women at this club. Man."
Seinfeld
"I actually find it kind of intimidating."
Seinfeld
"You're as pretty as any of them. Just need a nose job."
Seinfeld
"- Kramer! - What? What?"
Seinfeld
"How could you say something like that?"
Seinfeld
"What do you mean? I just said she needs a nose job."
Seinfeld
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