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Clips from Chappelle's Show - Episode #1.10 (S01E01)

"Come on up here, Paula."
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"And here's Paula one more time."
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"so that they could do things like this."
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"that'll be enough, thank you very much."
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"Oh, hold on, Paula."
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"It's the cure for AIDS."
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"Sorry about last night."
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"I got some more information for you."
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"Would you like to know who killed Kennedy?"
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"That's right, Lee Harvey Oswald killed John F. Kennedy,"
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"alone and by himself."
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"I have some more information that might startle you."
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"The R. Kelly sex tape."
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"That wasn't R. Kelly, it was me."
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"That's right,"
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"I urinate on people when I have sex with them."
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"I'm a disgusting human being and I apologize"
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"because the world's going to end any day now."
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"So I might as well introduce you"
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"Bibble, come on up."
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"(man) Oh my God!"
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"Is that an alien?!"
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"Bibble is a space creature that lives very far away"
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"And he is solely responsible for the wave of technology"
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"You might think it was the Japanese who are responsible,"
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"but anyone in the know"
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"knows that it was Bibble, fo' shizzle"
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"Hey, uh, Bibble, is the spaceship ready?"
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"I'm ready to get out of here."
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"but before we go I just want to say,"
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"there's no hope for the Planet Earth."
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"and you're all gonna die."
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"Everyone except for me."
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"And of course, Bibble, who's been so kind"
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"to let me accompany him on his spaceship."
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"And I'm bringing those three cloned white women with me."
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"Good-bye, America."
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"I hope you all die in a fiery death"
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"Come on, Bibble, let's get out of here."
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"(man) Oh my God!"
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"Aye, aye."
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"Look at that."
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"Turn on your TV, what you gonna see?"
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"Just having a blast, baby."
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"Yeah, we, uh, we are the white guys."
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"Now we gotta take you."
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"You took Paul?"
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"Yeah... oh, and by the way,"
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"Get a picture of me and David before we go."
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"Oh, sure, sure."
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"Is this still live? Can we cut that?"
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"Watch your step."
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"(horn honks)"
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"Good night, Cornrow Wallace."
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"Watch out for the wolves."
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"Is it mornin' yet?!"
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"(laughs)"
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"Can I say "pee on people""
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"or is standards gonna kill me?"
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"during sexual encounters."
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"Surprise, surprise, right in your eyes."
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"You're right, that's much lighter."
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"(crew laughing)"
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"Oh, wow... man."
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"(applause)"
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"Said rollin' around sittin' on dubs,"
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"I'm gonna piss on it."
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"I'ma pee out kick."
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"I wanna poop on you too."
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"I'll pee on you. I'll piss on you."
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"Before you start I'm gonna fart,"
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"Now, a lot of you might be wondering,"
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"Yeah... that's how it goes at an T. Kelly party."
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"We'll take a quick commercial break."
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"it gives you perspective on a lot of things."
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"Ah, aah!"
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"(gunshot)"
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"(clucking, cooing)"
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"His roommate in jail was a man named Tyrone Biggums,"
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""Y'all niggers need to cook up cocaine"
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"in mere weeks."
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"(gunshots)"
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"which took place at... a Kool Moe Dee concert."
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"So here at Chappelle's Show. we like to show people"
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"Okay, so I got another one for you."
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"I wonder what would really happen, hmm?"
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"You're goddamn right I said it."
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"Like what?"
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"some 19-odd years ago."
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"Oswald killed Kennedy."
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"I'm not finished yet,"
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"Bet I blew your mind right there, didn't I?"
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"I'm really on a roll and I don't care"
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"There's no way to stop the asteroid"
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"I would like to thank you at home."
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"And we've come to take over your show."
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"on the way out, please?"
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"(laughs)"
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"I want to piss on you. Yes, I do."
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"I've been watching the, the History Channel a lot."
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"For instance, gang violence"
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"Good night."
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"Welcome back."
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"to solve the problem and save humanity!"
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"Please be seated."
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"We cloned these three bitches in a laboratory in Seattle"
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"And any real fan of R. Kelly"
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"you drink piss."
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"He returned to the Crew's clubhouse"
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"Get his shoes, look at them pretty shoes!"
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"Firstly I'd like to say"
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"All right, we're gonna take a quick commercial break."
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"absconding with it to their hideout."
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"Is it a mixed bag,"
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"why so many of them shave their heads."
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"This ain't no skit, bitch, help!"
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""Dave, how are you gonna follow that?""
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"Welcome, welcome to the Chappelle Show, everybody."
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"all these years,"
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"Go ahead, roll that video."
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