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Clips from Chappelle's Show - Episode #1.10 (S01E01)

"I just bought one of the hottest albums"
Chappelle's Show
"That, that "Chocolate Factory", that R. Kelly."
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"I mean, say what you want to say about his scandal,"
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"but the music is scandal-proof, you know what I'm saying?"
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"you might've seen it coming like I did."
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"Yeah... it's the R."
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"make me want to tell you somethin'."
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"countin' the hours high on shrubs."
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"Take me to your special place."
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"Close your eyes, show me your face."
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"I don't even want none of the above."
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"I want to piss on you yes, I do."
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"is a port-a-potty."
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"I can use karate, use karate."
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"when you get a whiff of my Hershey stains."
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"is when I turn your face into a toilet seat."
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"Haters wanna hate, lovers wanna love."
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"I'll piss on you. I'll pee on you."
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"about anything, can't he?"
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"Make some noise, ladies and gentlemen,"
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"That's why you have so many mixed couples."
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"White girl ain't that crazy."
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"How's the old saying go?"
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""Once you go black, you don't come back"?"
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"Now, white folks wear bald heads, too."
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"We wore naturals,"
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"They took Michael Jackson."
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"Lionel Richie."
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"For real, look!"
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"Normally I don't do this,"
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"but I'ma hit y'all off with a little taste of the remix."
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"Y'all ready? Here we go."
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"Take you home to make some love."
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"I'm gonna give you some poo-poo."
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"I'm gonna give you some doo-doo."
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"You heard?"
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"I really do want to piss on you."
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"(applause)"
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"The History Channel,"
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"is something that I never really understood."
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"and they just came with it, man."
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"(host) Welcome to "The World's Greatest Wars"."
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"We've reviewed The Civil War,"
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"World War II and The Gulf War."
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"For the last 20 years, on Chicago's South side,"
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"the 19th Street Gangsters and the River Terrace Crew."
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"The war began in 1982 over a pair of basketball shoes."
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"What you got?"
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"Oh! Aah!"
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"(clucking, cooing)"
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"Are y'all ready to ride?"
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"Cornrow was sentenced to seven years in prison."
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"(man reading slowly) "Yo."
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"They had made hundreds of thousands of dollars"
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"when the 19th Street Gangsters sustained a massive loss"
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"appalled even the hardest thugs."
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"and sent to members of the 19th Street Gangsters."
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"Hey, fool, we got your leader."
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"Oh, I'm steppin' on 'em."
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"and the 19th Street Crew rage to this day."
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"Most of the original members of the gangs"
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"are either dead or in jail."
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"Ironically, he now works at a friendly Shoe Source"
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"in a strip mall on the exact location"
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"but we'll be right back with more Chappelle's Show."
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"So don't go anywhere."
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"Ha-ha, go ahead!"
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"the real versions of movies."
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"This was where Morgan Freeman was the black President."
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"An asteroid was speeding towards Earth,"
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"and he had to figure out a way"
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"speeding towards Earth as we speak."
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"I'd like to take a moment out of the day to, uh,"
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"my fault."
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"you would buckle under the goddamn pressure."
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"How about this."
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"America, I'd like you to meet my good friend Paula."
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"And here's Paula again."
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"Not only that, we added a pinch of black genes"
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"Hit it, girls."
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"Running through the raindrops"
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"All right, baby."
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"Because if you're cocky and you think you got hold of this,"
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"You ready for the truth, America?"
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"Here it comes."
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"With a magic bullet."
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"That's right, the bullet was actually magical,"
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"to the people who I've hurt and peed on."
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"in a galaxy called Nebulon Five."
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"we've seen over the last few decades:"
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"Cell phones, pagers, Playstation 1 and 2."
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"and all 'bout Bibble."
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"(electronic voice) Aye, aye."
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"Okay, me and Bibble are about to leave,"
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"when the meteor hits next Tuesday."
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"(applause)"
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"You see, because I keep saying..."
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"Hi."
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"Hey, what's up, man?"
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"We just got a call, looks like you're having"
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"What do you mean, are you...?"
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"could you people stack the chairs"
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"Hey, wait a minute, wait."
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"Yeah, my daughter's gonna love this."
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"Oh, Hannah, yeah?"
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"My daughter thinks you're really funny."
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"Yeah, the mic's on... but, hey, hold on there..."
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"I pee on people when I have sex with them."
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"That's right, I spray people with urine"
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"Chappelle's Show. Chappelle's Show."
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"Chappelle's Show."
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"Chappelle's Show."
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"Chappelle's Show."
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"Oww."
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"Whoo-hoo-hoo."
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"Whoo-hoo."
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"Yeah, yeah."
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"Let's start the show."
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"You know, I gotta tell y'all,"
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"I bought in a long time, man."
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