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Clips from Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000) - Artificial Fruit (S10E10)

"It's been a while, long time ago."
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"and I'd have a cup of coffee,"
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"and a scone."
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"Well, I was known for my scones."
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"Anyway, I'm opening up a coffee shop, and..."
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"I need you to make me those scones."
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"-Oh, a spite store. -Spite store, right."
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"Did you say Mocha Joe?"
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"That money is not for her."
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"It's for a charity called Survivors United,"
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"I think you're incorrect about that. My dad ate angry apples"
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"there are a lot of emotional colors available when eating an apple."
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"about something I-I know nothing about."
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"-Just... Yeah. -What?"
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"It's a garbage-- It's a garbage can."
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"I think you're conflating garbage with paper."
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"It's unbelievable."
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"Hot off the presses, baby."
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"This is it. This is the scone."
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"-Go head. Take a bite. -I'm good."
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"Remember that psychotic assistant I had who thought you were Harvey Weinstein?"
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"-They didn't make 'em like that in the old days. -Larry: No, my God."
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"This is a whole new technology."
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"-Larry: Piece of shit? -Susie: Yeah."
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"Susie: What? Oh, remember that wedding"
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"We used to have such good times together."
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"I'm not gonna deny our history, or rewrite it."
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"-Taste it, will ya? -I... I'm good."
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"-eating this thing. -Scones are, scones are dry."
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"I was just gonna call you. I'm so happy to see you."
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"-What's going on? What's going on? -No, no, no, no."
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"I was keeping the place clean"
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"Yeah. I want you to taste this."
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"-It's a scone. -Scone."
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"-and it breaks off. -Yeah, it's good."
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"-All right. Are we having lunch tomorrow? -Zaragoza."
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"What happened? You bite your tongue?"
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"Take your scones and get the hell out of here and I'll s--"
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"But before I go, I think I'll just leave you one."
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"-You fuckin' idiot. -(scone thunks)"
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"I'm having lunch with Richard Lewis. You know him?"
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"That's why I'm here,"
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"'cause I want to leave my credit card."
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"-Now? -Yes. This will be for my bill tomorrow."
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"It's too much responsibility, because it may get stolen."
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"He's gonna give you the credit card."
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"I, I don't wanna come at six o'clock in the morning. I, I, I--"
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"I'm so sorry. I mean, I wish I could, but I--"
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"-Oh, did he? -Yeah, they had a fantastic time."
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"-You know her? -I do, yeah."
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"La dirección de la visitación de Concepción Zarzal."
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"♪ ♪"
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"Lo, lo siento."
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"(sobbing quietly)"
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"Um,"
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"working at, uh, Zaragoza tomorrow?"
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"-Zaragoza? -Zaragoza."
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"Yeah, yeah. It'll take two seconds."
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"-Is that possible? -(sighs) Please."
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"Ah, thank you. Hey."
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"-Yeah, I've already paid. -Don't even start it. I always have to pay--"
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"(guests gasping. murmuring)"
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"Larry: Give me that. Urgh. Give it!"
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"Give it! Aah! Aah!"
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"What aren't you getting? It's a fancy muffin."
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"Let me tell you something. Get used to it. He's gonna be everywhere."
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"It's a big movie. Billboards,"
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"talk shows, everywhere you look, it's gonna be Ted Danson."
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"-(grunts) Son of a bitch! -What are you doing?"
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"-(Jeff groaning) Oh, my tongue! -Oh..."
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"my own fuckin' drink, the Leon Black."
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"And what about, um, chitlins?"
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"-Hmm. -And pigs' brains and pigs' feet?"
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"-Touché. -Motherfucker."
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"(chuckles) Shit. What the fuck is that?"
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"It's just horrible. Are you fuckin' kidding me, man?"
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"My tooth is chipped."
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"(patrons chatting)"
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"Ah. Excuse me."
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"Um, yeah. Thank you."
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"-It means a lot. Thank you. -No, no, no, no. I gave Francisco my credit card."
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"and his aunt, and... Generous tip, by the way."
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"-Oh, yes. Thank you. -As usual. Am I right, or am I wrong?"
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"what would I want someone to do if I were on the other side."
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"-Oh! -You know, a guy who..."
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"speaks six languages."
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"-Take it off. -What are you-- Get out of here!"
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"-It's a doodle. -No. This is a doodle."
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"-So much money. This, what? A nickel? -This is--"
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"Yeah, you know, it could be anything."
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"(lively chatter)"
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"Especially if, uh, sex resulted from it, that would be fine."
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"But anyway, um, so, did you do a doodle?"
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"-Half an hour? -I didn't, I don't-- I didn't time it."
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"Oh, that's just... That's just nonsense."
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"Well, then, why didn't you put effort into it?"
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"-Who wrote that? Your assistant? -I wrote it."
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"My name is Laverne Cox, and I am so honored to be here"
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"and to welcome you on behalf of Survivors United."
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"Well, thank you. Thank you so much."
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"(cheering continues)"
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"-Tell 'em you have a cold! -Alice: Asshole!"
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"-Yeah, yeah, yeah. -You need to go home!"
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"Wait, wait. I got an idea. Remem--"
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"I'll be in bed with Laverne Cox."
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"Some kind-- We get a picture."
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"if they will have it, with Alice and her attorneys,"
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"Roger: Good."
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"-(screams) -Roger: Oh, my God!"
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"(announcer speaks indistinctly)"
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"You smirked when I bit it. You smirked!"
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"Francisco Zarzal. Cancel my credit card!"
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"He play you for a sucker."
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"He's playing us for suckers."
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"I chipped my tooth. How about you?"
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"He's a server at Zaragoza?"
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"No, I haven't seen Francisco."
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"I don't see him anywhere. You know what I see?"
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"-Look at the sumptuous spread. -Yeah."
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"-Give me a plate. -(plates clattering)"
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