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Clips from Seinfeld - The Van Buren Boys (S08E08)

"What's the great moment? On your deathbed."
Seinfeld
"They're pounding on your chest, and you're going: Ten, nine, eight--"
Seinfeld
"-I can't believe this is our first date. -I know. Dessert?"
Seinfeld
"So she went out with you on a first date and it was her birthday?"
Seinfeld
"Yeah, and she picked the day."
Seinfeld
"Is she socially..."
Seinfeld
"...awkward?"
Seinfeld
"No, she's great."
Seinfeld
"-She's attractive and fun. -Well, maybe she decided..."
Seinfeld
"Hey."
Seinfeld
"I can't. I gotta go down to the foundation."
Seinfeld
"-No. -...to basically give this money away..."
Seinfeld
"Fine, I say."
Seinfeld
"And then I received a 740 on the English Achievement Test."
Seinfeld
"Quick, what's your favorite animal?"
Seinfeld
"I don't know. Frog?"
Seinfeld
"-Well, l-- -Frog is wrong."
Seinfeld
"I see here that you play the harp."
Seinfeld
"Tell me, why do they have to tilt it?"
Seinfeld
"Can't they just build it on an angle?"
Seinfeld
"Save you a lot of trouble."
Seinfeld
"Well, the modern-day harp has been refined over thousands of years..."
Seinfeld
"I see your GPA is 4.0."
Seinfeld
"You like that, don't you?"
Seinfeld
"So, Steven, I see you're president of the chess club."
Seinfeld
"Who's your favorite chess player?"
Seinfeld
"Nastercoff?"
Seinfeld
"What country is he from again?"
Seinfeld
"You really had me going there."
Seinfeld
"What do you want to do when you grow up?"
Seinfeld
"Well, I've been telling people that I'd like to be an architect."
Seinfeld
"So get this, Mr. Peterman is finally letting me do some real writing."
Seinfeld
"Wow, that's great. When it comes out..."
Seinfeld
"-Hey. Oh, hi. -Hey."
Seinfeld
"-Hey. -So there I am at Lorenzo's..."
Seinfeld
"When I see this guy over at the pizza boxes..."
Seinfeld
"...giving me the stink eye."
Seinfeld
"And I notice that he's not alone."
Seinfeld
"There's a street gang named after President Martin Van Buren?"
Seinfeld
"Oh, yeah, and they're just as mean as he was."
Seinfeld
"So I make a move to the door, you know?"
Seinfeld
"Occupied."
Seinfeld
"What? What happened?"
Seinfeld
"I'm only showing eight fingers."
Seinfeld
"-Well, what does that mean? -That's their secret sign."
Seinfeld
"See, Van Buren, he was the eighth president."
Seinfeld
"They thought I was a former Van B Boy."
Seinfeld
"-How was the pizza? -lt was a little oily."
Seinfeld
"Oh, Melissa, Kim."
Seinfeld
"Oh, we've heard a lot about you."
Seinfeld
"See you."
Seinfeld
"They acted like it was some act of charity, going out with her."
Seinfeld
"Every group has someone that they all make fun of."
Seinfeld
"Like us with Elaine."
Seinfeld
"Are you looking deep down at the real person underneath?"
Seinfeld
"No, I'm being as superficial as I possibly can."
Seinfeld
"I'm interviewing all these annoying little overachievers..."
Seinfeld
"Likes sports, watches TV."
Seinfeld
"-ls he smart? -He knows how to read."
Seinfeld
"And he also knows that finishing an entire book doesn't prove anything."
Seinfeld
"Hey, just like you pretend to be."
Seinfeld
"...Steven Koren is going to be everything I claim to be, only for real."
Seinfeld
"That's my dream, Jerry."
Seinfeld
"Mr. Peterman, thanks for having me over. I--"
Seinfeld
"Oh, it's just a place to flop."
Seinfeld
"Foreign intrigue? Exotic romances?"
Seinfeld
"Oh, Elaine, we've covered all of that in the catalog, ad nauseam."
Seinfeld
"No, I would like this book to be about my day-to-day life."
Seinfeld
"...just when I finally memorized them."
Seinfeld
"-Well, Mr. Peterman, do you want to--? -Two: CBS."
Seinfeld
"I don't know what that is."
Seinfeld
"Well, I'm sure we'll come up with something."
Seinfeld
"What do you say you and l order ourselves a pie?"
Seinfeld
"Do you like Lorenzo's?"
Seinfeld
"A friend of mine almost got beat up at that place by the Van Buren Boys."
Seinfeld
"-Well, that's pretty exciting. -Yeah."
Seinfeld
"But that didn't happen to you."
Seinfeld
"Oh, damn, I forgot to buy plant food again."
Seinfeld
"I'll bet I got a coupon for it."
Seinfeld
"You know what? Maybe I better talk to my friend."
Seinfeld
"No, this is brand-new. Do you like it?"
Seinfeld
"Actually, yeah."
Seinfeld
"No, Jerry, the waitress gave me another one."
Seinfeld
"I guess that's all right."
Seinfeld
"Ladies and gentlemen, I am happy to introduce you..."
Seinfeld
"...to the first Susan Ross Scholar."
Seinfeld
"This..."
Seinfeld
"His GPA is a solid 2.0."
Seinfeld
"Right in that meaty part of the curve."
Seinfeld
"I'm sure we're all aware of the flaws..."
Seinfeld
"These aren't standardized tests. These are his grades."
Seinfeld
"Besides, Steven Koren has the highest of aspirations."
Seinfeld
"Actually, maybe I could set my sights a little bit higher."
Seinfeld
"I think I'd really like to be a city planner."
Seinfeld
"-Well, that's a good point. -No, it's not."
Seinfeld
"...with a tilting desk and a big ruler?"
Seinfeld
"It's called a T-square."
Seinfeld
"You know, the stupidest guy in my fraternity became an architect..."
Seinfeld
"...after he flunked out of dental school."
Seinfeld
"Congratulations, young man."
Seinfeld
"Susan would be very proud of what you're doing."
Seinfeld
"...was the man they most admired."
Seinfeld
"Kramer, my friend, that is one ripping good yarn."
Seinfeld
"You know, if you liked that one, I got more."
Seinfeld
"No, Kramer, I don't think--"
Seinfeld
"$1 500."
Seinfeld
"-I'll give you half that. -Done."
Seinfeld
"I like to work in the evenings."
Seinfeld
"Would you please just get on with the stupid Bob Sacamano story?"
Seinfeld
"...that I need to return this pair of pants. So I'm off to the store."
Seinfeld
"What happened to Bob Sacamano?"
Seinfeld
"Well, nothing. His part of the story is done."
Seinfeld
"I'm waiting for the subway. It's not coming."
Seinfeld
"I decided to hoof it through the tunnel."
Seinfeld
"Well, now, that's something."
Seinfeld
"-The next thing I knew-- -A train is bearing down on you?"
Seinfeld
"No, I slipped and fell in mud..."
Seinfeld
"I don't understand."
Seinfeld
"You were wearing the pants you were returning?"
Seinfeld
"Well, I guess I was."
Seinfeld
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