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Clips from South Park - Tweek vs. Craig (S03E03)

"You see, some of you girls will go on to have interesting jobs and careers."
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"- I don't know. He's such a wuss. - Hey, don't screw around."
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"You screw around too much."
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"You know, you guys are totally wrong about Tweek."
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"- No, he's not, dude. Craig is a wuss. - Dude, if Craig and Tweek got in a fight,"
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"- Craig would kick Tweek's ass! - You wanna bet?"
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"Hey, Tweek. Dude, Craig chooses you. He wants to fight."
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"- He does? - Yeah, he's all pissed off at you."
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"- So, will you fight him? - Why?"
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"He doesn't look like he wants to fight me."
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"- well, you like it. - Why would he say that?"
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"You can't fight him here, Mr. Adler would just break it up."
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"- and set it up for after school today. - Okay."
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"- There, you see? He just flipped you off. - What a jerk!"
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"So, do you agree to fight him after school?"
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"Richard, say we'll be this happy forever."
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"Richard!"
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"- Why, why? - Mr. Adler. Mr. Adler!"
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"- Stop screwing around! - The bell rang, can we go?"
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"- This is gonna be sweet, dude. - You guys are so wrong about Tweek."
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"Why don't we just raise our bet to $10?"
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"How come you wanna take Home Ec, Kenny?"
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"- Hey, what's going on? - Tweek and Craig are gonna fight."
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"Really? Cool!"
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"- What? - Yeah, they left."
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"How come you didn't show up to the fight, Tweek?"
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"Craig and I have no reason to fight each other."
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"- Well, Craig showed up. - He did?"
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"Yeah, he was standing there, waiting for you,"
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"and he was all like, "Man, Tweek's a wuss.""
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"And we were all like, "No, he's not Craig.""
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"And he was all like, "Yeah, he is. He isn't showing up."
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"- I don't have crooked teeth! - And then, Craig was all like,"
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""Tweek is scared of me. He's a big chicken.""
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"And he started doing an impersonation of you being a chicken."
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"- Oh, everybody in the world saw it. - Everyone in the world?"
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"Well, everyone in the world thinks you are. See you, Tweek."
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"- Wait! I'll fight! - Tomorrow?"
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"You're supposed to be out fighting Tweek."
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"- Red Racer's on. - Craig, you can watch Red Racer"
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"- any day of the week. - I do watch Red Racer"
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"- every day of the week. - Well, that's fine."
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"I guess you don't care about what Tweek said about your mom."
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"No."
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"Yeah, I'd be pissed too."
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"So maybe we should reschedule the fight for tomorrow?"
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"- After Red Racer. - After Red Racer, of course."
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"How was school today, Son? That's great."
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"Son, let me tell you a little story about when your mother and I first met."
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"- She used to be very attractive. - It's true. I was."
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"Well, when I started courting your mother,"
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"there was this big, muscular football player named Quib,"
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"who didn't take too kindly to me."
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"- Well? - Well what, honey?"
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"- What happened? - I don't know."
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"- He moved away or something. - Yes, I think that's right."
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"You guys never help me! Your stories never go anywhere."
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"I hate it! I want out! I want out!"
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"Dad, I'm supposed to get in a fight tomorrow."
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"- With who? - Some kid."
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"- Yeah, don't just "Oh" me! - I'll "Oh" whoever I want!"
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"Richard, aren't you going to invite me in?"
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"Well, I can't. I left the oven on."
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"Oh, Richard, why can't you open your heart to me? Why?"
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"- We'll use plastic wrap. - Nope. Sorry, maybe some other time."
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"I wanna touch the sky, Richard."
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"Richard, I'm here! Just now."
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"Oh, Richard, it's beautiful. Yes."
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"But you have to come see me fly tomorrow, Richard."
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"I have a surprise for you."
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"Don't worry, Richard. I'm a pilot. It's what I do."
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"Richard!"
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"Richard..."
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"He doesn't even view it as a challenge."
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"He'll view it as a challenge when he's getting his ass kicked!"
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"Did you hear that? It sounds like diarrhea"
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"coming out of someone's mouth, or something."
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"- Shut up, fat ass! - Don't call me fat, you son of a bitch!"
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"Fat boy..."
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"Son of a bitch."
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"Wow, Tweek and Craig really hate each other, huh?"
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"This should be a good fight."
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"On your first date, look at the man's shoes."
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"Sometimes, you can tell how much money a man has"
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"just by his shoes."
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"When he takes you out to dinner, try to sneak a peek at his wallet"
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"The perfect number of credit cards for a man to have is two."
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"- Yes, Bebe. - What if we meet a guy"
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"who wants to be a doctor or a lawyer, but is still getting his degree?"
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"Dump that zero and get yourself a hero."
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"with two dying babies sucking at your teats."
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"to buy the sweetest big-screen TV in the world."
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"Well, if I get 10 bucks from each of you, that's like $2,000..."
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"Richard!"
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"Richard!"
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"If you build it..."
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"Richard, I'm here! Oh, Richard, it's beautiful. Yes."
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"It's all for you."
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"The belt sander? Tommy! I told you not to screw around"
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"Well, go on. Go see the nurse. She'll give you some peroxide."
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"Oh, boy, here we go."
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"- What's happening? - Tweek's gonna fight Craig."
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"Time for you to get proven wrong, fat boy."
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"- Well? - Come on!"
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"- What do we do? - What do you mean, what do you do?"
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"- How? - I've never been in a fight before."
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"Me neither."
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"- Dude, come on! - You just hit each other,"
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"smack each other around."
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"All right, all right. Screw this. We have to postpone the fight"
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"so Tweek and Craig can learn how to fight."
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"- All that build-up for nothing. - Yeah, Christ!"
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"and Cartman, you teach Craig."
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"- he's gonna really kill Tweek. - Oh, yeah?"
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"Well, I'm gonna have my Uncle Jimbo teach Tweek how to box."
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"Boxing! Scary, you guys! I'm gonna have Craig learn martial arts."
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"to teach you the fine points of boxing."
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"more man than boxing. It is man at his most man."
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"just dig deep into that most man part of you."
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"- Damn it! - Come on, Tweek."
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