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Clips from The Simpsons - Bart's Dog Gets an F (S02E02)

"Time to get up, Lisa. It's a school day."
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"You're my best friend. You're my best friend."
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"Wait. If Lisa goes to school, I go. But if she stays, I stay, so..."
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"...because my dog is tied up!"
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"-Assassins! -You bet."
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"-How much? -Well, they're not giving them away."
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"Well, Lisa, here it is."
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"Wow, neat. It smells historic."
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"-Very impressive. -You try it."
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"You see? Now that's a sewing finger, honey."
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"-What does that mean? -I didn't know then. I don't know now."
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"Your magazines. How many of these guys are Corey?"
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"It's a penalty kick--"
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"Raise a dog the same as a child, with simple, authoritative commands."
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"Lay down!"
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"You don't know how often I'm asked that."
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"I'm only watching because Brandy knows the body is hidden in the boathouse."
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"-Father! I thought you were dead. -I was!"
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"I decided I don't want the shoes."
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"We never had a family member we can give away."
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"He'd be happy at my farm. People think only mules can pull carts."
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"Come on, boy. Sit!"
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"Correct the dog!"
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"I'm sorry. You can't help being dumb."
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"Well, you certainly captured the moment."
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"Sit!"
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"Well, Mrs. Simpson..."
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"...I'd like to rely on your diagnosis, but it'd be derelict of me to do so."
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"Let me check my schedule."
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"2:00 is fine. Thank you, Dr. Hibbert."
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"No way, she's faking. If Lisa stays home, I stay home."
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"-lf Bart stays home, I go to school. -Fine, then--"
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"-...Lisa goes to school.... -Don't confuse him."
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"-Have a nice day at school. -Get my homework."
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"Homework?"
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"Lisa, you wasted chicken pox. Don't waste the mumps."
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"-Yo, hairy bro. -Go home, boy. Go home."
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"Wandering mongrel. Get out of my mom-and-pop operation."
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"-Hello? -This is Sylvia Winfield."
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"Your canine is in my pool again. I'm calling the dog warden."
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"Are you? You go ahead and call your precious dog warden, you old axe..."
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"There's only one family..."
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"...on Earth inconsiderate enough to let that monster roam free!"
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"Are you going deaf, or are you just stupid?"
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"I'll explain one more time, and then I'm going to hang up on you."
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"It is not my dog!"
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"I tied my dog outside myself!"
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"I am looking at him right--"
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"Well, how-doodlie-do."
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"Getting some exercise? Good for you."
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"Look at this rascal. He's a wet boy, isn't he? You're a water monster."
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"Well, well, "Mr. Universe" takes a walk."
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""Mr. Universe, " I wish."
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"Look at that get-up. Heavy hands, ankle weights, that's cute, and--"
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"They've got Velcro, a water pump, built-in odometer, and vanity plates."
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"-But you've got to spoil yourself. -Yeah."
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"-Discoloration of the glands. -Oh, dear."
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"-Swelling of the parotids. -I knew it."
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"Lisa has the mumps. You'll be missing a week of school."
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"Oh, no. I don't want to fall behind my class."
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"Such responsibility. What's your favorite subject?"
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"Arithmetic."
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"Arithmetic. Before you know it, you'll be back among your polygons..."
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"...and your Euclidian algorithms. You get rest and have a lollipop."
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"Hello? Hi, Lisa, what's wrong?"
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"The mumps? Oh, the kissing disease."
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"My little girl is growing up."
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"Yuck. Quit it, Dad."
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"So, what does my little girl want? What?"
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"Let me write this down. Copies of..."
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"... Teen Dream, Teen Scream..."
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"...and Teen Steam magazine?"
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"Well, okay, you're the sickie. Goodbye, Lisa."
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"Hey, sure thing, Homer."
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"The Bouvier family quilt."
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"For five generations, women in our family have added to it."
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"Now it's your turn."
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"-I don't know how. -You do, you just don't know it."
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"The memory of a million drop stitches flows in your veins."
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"You just need to develop a callous."
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"Oh, man, $2.00?"
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"I'll take these three."
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"-They're for my daughter. -Sure."
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"Wise guy."
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"Assassins!"
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"Oh, 125 bucks!"
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"Sometimes you've gotta spoil yourself."
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"-But I can't-- -Simpson!"
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"-I order you to buy those shoes! -You're the boss!"
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"-This one's mine. -"Keep On Truckin' "?"
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"Here's your stupid homework."
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"Phonics, functions, vocabulary, remedial reading?"
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"Do your own homework, Bart!"
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"Eight. Thanks, Dad."
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"-Assassins! -Yep. Read 'em and weep."
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"-$125! -Bart!"
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"We agreed to consult before major purchases."
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"You bought those smoke alarms, and we haven't had a single fire."
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"A manhunt, or "woman-hunt", is on--"
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"You know, yours is the only show I'll do."
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"As an actor, my eyes need to look their whitest--"
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"Shoelace...."
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"No!"
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"There seems to be a lot of good obedience schools here."
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"School's your answer to everything...."
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"This one looks very reputable."
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"Lovely. Have a toffee."
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"Such a neat dog. Have at them. Well done."
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"-..."Satan's Little Helper." -Santa's Little Helper."
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"Ladies and gentlemen. You already know that with a little love..."
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"...any puppy will grow up to be a bundle of joy."
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"Nonsense taught by charlatans and learned by bloody twits!"
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"I'll tell you the most important words you'll ever hear..."
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"...choke chain."
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"Followed by immediate correction."
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"How can we tell we're doing it right?"
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"The dog's eyes will cross, and his tongue will protrude slightly."
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"Is my dog dead, ma'am?"
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"They are always breathing."
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"Jack, I think the baby might be yours."
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