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Clips from 30 Rock - Jack Meets Dennis (S01E01)

"If I don't do my facial exercises, I could wind up looking weird."
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"I just mentioned Dennis, and your eyebrows didn't go up."
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"- They didn't? - No."
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"She should be back soon. Is that a present for her?"
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"Yeah. If she doesn't get back soon, I'm poking air holes in it."
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"- You sell beepers? - I sell a way of life, my friend."
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"Cool. I could use some ironic accessories."
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"- What are you doing here? - Hey. I brought you a present."
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"Oh, no. It got out."
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"If anyone sees a salamander, it's Liz's, OK?"
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"I don't want a salamander. And I don't want you here selling beepers."
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"Why not? You work in a business. Businesspeople need beepers."
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"- No, they need cell phones. - Yeah, for now."
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"But the beeper's gonna be making a comeback. Technology's cyclical."
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"No, technology is not cyclical."
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"I thought I recognized that voice. Dennis, how the heck are you?"
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"I didn't want to tell you 'cause I knew you'd freak out."
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"- Actually, I think I saw a rat king. - Aren't rat kings a myth?"
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"What's a rat king?"
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"Oh, it's when a bunch of rats are crammed into a tiny space,"
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"and their tails get all tangled up, and they can't even pull apart."
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"And then it gets awesome. Eventually their bodies fuse together,"
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"I hope you got a picture of that with the camera on your beeper."
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"Actually, my beeper doesn't have a camera. But it does have a pedometer."
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"Actually, not this one."
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"Listen, I need to talk to you in my office, please."
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"- Why? - What's up?"
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"Is that a tattoo?"
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"Who normal now? You hear me, America?"
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"Who's normal now?"
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"How could you do this to the show?"
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"I got this tattoo for the good of the show."
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"And when you purchase Tracy Jordan,"
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"he comes with a tattoo of a biblical dragon from outer space."
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"It'll take forever to cover this with makeup."
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"You can't put makeup on my tattoo, Liz Lemon."
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"It's in my contract."
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"No, it's not."
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"Actually, he's got a pretty weird contract."
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"Great... Jenna looks like a porn-star burn victim,"
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"and now this idiot. What are we gonna do?"
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"It's gonna be Josh's busiest show ever."
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"Ms Taylor."
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"When your office said you were sending me something,"
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"I didn't realize it would be you."
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"But I had to give you this gift..."
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"in person, Josh."
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"Oh. I'm just glad you weren't offended by my impression."
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"But I was. Deeply."
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"I'm here to give you the gift of pain."
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"OK. Very funny. You bought a pager from Dennis."
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"- Look, Dennis takes care of me, OK? - I'd like you to meet Howard Jorgensen."
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"- Liz, how do you do? - He's the vice president of locomotives"
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"and a rising star at G.E. I thought the two of you had a lot in common."
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"You are relentless."
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"Look, Howard, you're obviously an attractive and confident guy."
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"And at a different time in my life, I could definitely see us together."
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"I'm married with two beautiful kids and a pool."
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"Liz, I wasn't trying to set you up. I wanted to show you my handiwork."
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"-walked around with lettuce in my hair. - Oh, son of a bitch."
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"And I cursed like a sailor."
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"But Jack saw potential in me. He changed my life."
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"Now Howard's earning seven figures, and he's married to a swell Filipino gal."
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"Fine."
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"Oh, my God. Maybe the musical guest can do some extra songs this week."
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"- Who is it? - James Blunt."
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"Are you at that crappy sandwich place again?"
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"Yeah, why is everybody judging all of my choices lately?"
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"This place is fine."
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"It's convenient. It's consistent."
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"I know what I'm getting."
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"It doesn't make me feel bad about my body."
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"Maybe I'm at an age where it's OK for me to settle for this."
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"Are we still talking about the sandwich place?"
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"No. Sadly, I don't think we are."
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"Dennis isn't a sandwich I want to eat every day for the rest of my life."
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"I'm clueless about men."
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"I'm clueless about everything that isn't this show."
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"you may be the most stable person I know right now."
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"Gentlemen, we'll have to continue this conference some other time."
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"That's her again, isn't it?"
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"Hi, Howard."
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"Lemon, today is the first day of the rest of your life."
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"And what is the first thing you need to do?"
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"- I have to break up with Dennis. - And why is that?"
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"Because he wears shirts with the Looney Tunes embroidered on them."
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"Because he cuts his own hair."
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"Because that one little nice thing that he does"
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"doesn't make up for the fact that I don't want to be seen with him in public."
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"And if you don't break up with him now?"
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"He'll just keeping showing up at work to sell beepers."
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"He'll just keep calling my mother to borrow money."
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"We'll just get more and more tangled up in each other's lives"
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"until I just can't even get away and we're just like..."
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"Oh, my God."
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"That's right. He's the rat king."
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"- I know. - Stuff your heart with steel wool."
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"You must be ruthless. You must be absolute."
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"Remember always, you are the exterminator."
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"- Say it. - I am the exterminator."
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"- Like you mean it. - I am the exterminator."
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"OK. Not that loud."
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"People are trying to work around here, OK?"
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"30 minutes to dress rehearsal, everybody."
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"- Tracy, they need you in wardrobe. - That's 30 minutes to dress."
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"Why is pan of your face still on the pillow?"
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"Look, I'm crazy, not stupid."
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"A movie star can't have a big old permanent face tattoo."
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"I just need to walk around with this for a week,"
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"I had extreme plastic surgery to have it removed."
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"There's another "not normal.""
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"Talking to that guy is like looking in a mirror, huh?"
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"I will only accept it because I love food."
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"He gave us the names of the most discrete private investigators"
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"Lemon. And you brought a man. Jack Donaghy."
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"Dennis has some dietary restrictions."
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"Anything?"
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"- Did you enjoy that restaurant? - No. I think I was right about that place."
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"- I used to mentor Howard. - I was a lot like you."
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"I dressed poorly, had bad posture,"
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