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Clips from 30 Rock - Jack Meets Dennis (S01E01)

"You're my girl, right? I take care of you, huh?"
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"That little firecracker. She gets my blood running south of the border."
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"You said "Chinese" instead of something offensive."
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"That was before, and it was the playoffs."
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"and now he's the only beeper salesman left in Manhattan, which is cool."
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"After he dyed his hair and got super thin from all the stress."
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"Are you kidding me? He was smokin'."
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"Did you see this? It's horrible."
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"- How dare they? - That's what I'm saying."
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"That's character assassination. That's not normal."
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"It only looks like I'm walking out of a Starbucks,"
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"What's too boring, what's too gay, what's too old."
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"Theatre or drive-in?"
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"Of course. I don't know why I bothered to ask."
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"I'm totally serious. I mean, wouldn't you guys?"
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"Betcha they've made me a closet of clothes"
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"God."
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"with all this... mediocrity?"
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"you have a piece of lettuce stuck in your hair."
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"to spy on our ex-wives."
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"He held our hands during our triumphs"
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"There appears to be a gentleman making passionate love to himself."
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"That is unfortunate."
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"Obviously, he doesn't need one."
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"I got one for you. See the old guy over there with the girl?"
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"Hi. Dennis Duffy, Beeper King."
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"I didn't know they served chicken nuggets at this restaurant."
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"Do you know there are 17 rats per person in Manhattan?"
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"I think I read about that in The New Yorker. Anyway, we'll leave you to your meal."
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"Let's keep going, you guys."
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"Just getting more rest. Drinking more water."
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"Hey, what's up, baby? Liz around?"
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"- We saw a nest of rats when we were leaving. - No, we didn't."
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"and they form a multi-headed live rat king, and we saw one."
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"It gives us an edge... The reason why you brought me on."
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"- Will you take it off now, please? - I can't. I'm expecting a call from 1983."
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"- Thanks, Jack. - Look, I told you, I don't need a mentor."
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"Liz Taylor really messed him up. He might have brain damage."
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"No. I said no lettuce."
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"OK. I admit it."
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"Maybe you can tell me how to live, because, sadly,"
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"There's only one way to break up with a rat. You have to cut him off completely."
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"- Damn it. Where's my Sharpie? - Oh, it is fake."
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"get my picture on the interweb, show the world I'm still dangerous!"
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"What about when you don't have it any more? You're gonna look like..."
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"You know this is very, very, very bad for me, right?"
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"You have a People's Choice Award that you stole from Wayne Brady."
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"Fine. You can keep the tattoo."
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"For this week only!"
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"Rehearsing."
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"And now a word from the White House."
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"- Well, we had a good run. - What the hell happened here?"
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"What is your contingency plan for a crap storm of this magnitude?"
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"No wonder your career is being held back by a lack of foresight"
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"Street cred. He's a genius."
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"- Can I give you a ride? - Flashlight, $20."
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"Don't let Dennis chew his way out of this one."
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"Dennis, wake up."
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"- God. - What?"
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"You're gonna burn the place down."
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"- So, how did it go? - He moved in with me."
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"I need to protect my reputation."
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"You take away my street cred, and I am Wayne Brady."
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"Wayne Brady has three Emmys."
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"I shouldn't expect a white woman from Whiteville"
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"to understand street cred."
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"First of all, I'm not from Whiteville. I'm from White Haven."
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"And it's not as nice as it sounds."
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"OK. Here we go. Quiet, please!"
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"Good evening. I'm Laura Bush."
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"And I'm Condoleezza Rice."
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"The cast had a rough week."
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"- There is none. - We go live in a half an hour."
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"and an addiction to dysfunctional relationships."
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"You have no exit strategies."
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"He knows about my marriage."
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"No. This is gonna be a bad show."
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"Worse than the time we let Tracy do that tribute to August Wilson?"
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"That was my fault. I should've made sure he knew who August Wilson was."
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"Maybe we'll be pre-empted by some national news event."
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"- Oh! A blackout. That will work. - All right, nobody panic."
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"The backup generator will kick in in just a few seconds."
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"OK. You can panic."
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"This is real."
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"We dodged a bullet tonight, Lemon."
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"Yes, this blackout is a fortunate coincidence."
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"- You didn't do it, right? - What, you think I control the universe?"
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"This blackout messed me up. I didn't get to debut my dragon face."
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"Can I do "The Today Show" tomorrow?"
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"No, you're on a plane to Boston tomorrow, Tra."
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"We have a laboratory. They're experimenting in tattoo removal."
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"It'll be one of our biggest profit centres once today's generation finally sobers up."
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"Tattoo's fake, Donaghy. Fake."
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"Flashlight, $20."
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"Flashlight, $20."
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"No. I wouldn't want to crowd you."
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"Be strong, Lemon."
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"- Flashlight, $20. - Can I borrow 20 bucks?"
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"Flashlight, $20."
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"I wish I had burned the place down."
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"There's no reason to live any more."
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"What happened?"
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"The Islanders lost tonight."
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"Doesn't that happen a lot?"
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"I knew you wouldn't understand."
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"It's so sweet of you to walk me to work."
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"Who knows? Maybe we'll see Natalie Morales."
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"That is less sweet."
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"I'm gonna stop by tonight. Maybe I'll pick up some Chinese."
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"I told you, losing you last year changed me, huh?"
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"It made me more... more mature."
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"- Come here. - That really hurts!"
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"Dennis!"
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"- You're back with Dennis? - Yeah. I'm back with Dennis."
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"Don't look at me with your eyebrows all up. It's so annoying."
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"Oh, yes. I'm annoying. Not the man who honked your boobs on the jumbo screen."
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"Does he still work at that beeper store? What is it, Beeper King?"
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"He is the king now. The old Beeper King retired."
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"Well, technically, he shot himself. But Dennis took over,"
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"Who are you trying to fool? This is me."
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