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Clips from 30 Rock - Jack-Tor (S01E01)

"Next Friday is Damon Dash's birthday party,"
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"I mean thank you."
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"or 'hos-mens, " of G.E, products into your program."
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"setting a new standard in upward revenue-stream dynamics..."
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"- Look, I know how this sounds. - No, come on, Jack. We're not doing that."
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"I tried."
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"Oh, that... That's just offensive, Jenna."
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"- OK, all right... - Hey, what are you guys talking about?"
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"Oh, thank you guys for telling me."
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"- That way. - Thanks."
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"That's true. And he never reads the cue cards."
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"God, I thought that was just crazy Tracy, seeing what he could get away with."
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"Oh, I get it... the whole self-referential thing."
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"As you know, I've been studying comedy and learning what's funny."
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"You were great in that video."
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"- OK, I'll do it. - Great, great. Thanks, Jack."
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"Why is Jack Donaghy on the cast list?"
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"He's gonna do this G.E. sketch. It's really funny."
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"When has it not worked?"
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"Yeah, but this is different because I know Jack Donaghy."
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"Yeah, so now you just have to make yourself 10 years younger and Asian."
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"I don't know what to tell you. They're making me rehearse."
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"Scalp the damn tickets!"
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"These are the changes for the sketches you're in."
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"Today is the first day of the rest of my life..."
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"Liz... Did you tell Jack he can be on the show?"
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"Yeah, he was kind of excited about it, actually."
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"Oh, yeah, he's very excited. But you cannot put him on live TV."
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"- What's the first line? - "Product integration. ""
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"Line?"
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"- "And is satisfied." " - Oh, ouch, ouch, Are you all right?"
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"I think I just took a picture."
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"That was fun, you guys."
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"Liz, I'm a little bit nervous about this rehearsal."
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"You don't have to do this. I know how busy you are."
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"Oh, no, no, I have to do it. It's a new challenge, and I like challenges."
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"I'm gonna do this, yeah."
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"- Did I just hear Jack? - Oh, no, please."
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"I know for a fact he is talking to his boss right now."
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"- Fine. - Don't."
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"Of course, sir. I'll look into it right away."
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"Actions speak louder than words. Take care of it."
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"I'm Ron."
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"I take it with the non-daily creamer."
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"Quiet, please! Rehearsing from Mr Donaghy's entrance."
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"What's up, Mr Donaghy?"
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"Could I get two coffee cups?"
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"- You think the problem is the writing? - Yeah, it's clunky."
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"- But you know what? You're the boss. - I think I can do it."
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"like overtipping and supporting Barack Obama."
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"Yeah, I had to go to reading class."
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"I like it."
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"Jack? It's 3:00 in the morning. What's wrong?"
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"And it's not the public speaking."
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"I've never been able to do it."
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"OK, look, this is not your fault."
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"- We'll say you're on a business trip. - I have to do it."
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"I'm one of your actors. I'm freaking out. Talk me down."
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"Any dum-dum can act, Jack, so be a man and get it done."
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"That guy's an extra on the show."
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"He doesn't have lines?"
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"But he was yelling at Jack."
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"I'm on it, sir."
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"Frank and Toofer? That's where you're getting your information?"
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"I am gonna get back at them..."
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"and Yo-Yo Ma to the stage, please,"
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"I'm unbelievable? What about your racist mess?"
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"Liz is generally pretty racist."
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"But this job is hard."
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"Yeah, I paid to see that. That was supposed to be a Western."
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"and I expect the same of the professionals who work with me."
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"Oh, yes, do that. That's hilarious."
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"Pete..."
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"I posted on my Weblog that I'll be doing it."
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"- I'm not messing with you. - So which one?"
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"but I've been watching you."
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"I have this fantasy of sneaking up to the roof of 30 Rock,"
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"Don't be cute, Lemon. You're too old for that."
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"the most delicious part of the muffin..."
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"You're checking out my sweet hips"
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"So do not try to play me"
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"I run a tidy bakery The boys all want my cake for free"
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"Does she know we went off the air two minutes ago?"
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"You served up drama when I ordered your love,"
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"Hey, where are you going? They're paging you for rehearsal."
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"- No, we do a show every Friday, Tracy. - It's not gonna work."
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"and the Friday after that is an orgy over at Elizabeth..."
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"You're part of a team now, so you have to be in the shows and you have to rehearse."
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"And when you rehearse, Jenna would really like it... I would like it, too..."
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"if you would read exactly what's on the cue cards."
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"- It's making everybody crazy. - Can't do it. I'm an improviser."
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"Lily acting style is like jazz... jazz that you laugh at."
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"Just try, OK?"
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"I have a meeting upstairs. I'll be right back."
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"Pete, do you remember that song I recorded"
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"when I was dating that Persian record producer?"
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"Oh... no."
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"It's a dance-pop-techno hybrid called "Muffin Top.""
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"I gave everybody copies at Christmas."
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"Oh, yeah, right. I don't remember that."
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"Well, apparently, it's a number-one hit in Israel."
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"Hey, Israel. Wow."
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"I noticed we had a couple minutes left, so I thought I could do it on the show."
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"OK, you can do the short version."
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"You should know that "Muffin Top" is number four in Belgium."
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"Jack Donaghy, Vice President of east-coast television and microwave-oven programming."
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"Hello. For over 100 years,"
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"And I'm here to talk to you today about a wonderful new synergy."
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"It's called product integration."
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"It's revolutionizing the way we monetize broadcast television."
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"All you have to do as the writing staff of an NBC show"
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"is incorporate positive mentions,"
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"For example, you could write an episode"
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"where one of your characters purchases and is satisfied with..."
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"one of G.E. 's direct-current drilling motors for an offshore or land-based project."
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"Product integration..."
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"I'm sorry. You're saying you want us to use the show to sell stuff?"
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"We're not compromising the integrity of the show to sell..."
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"- Wow, this is Diet Snapple? - It tastes like regular Snapple, doesn't it?"
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"You should try Plum-A-Granate. It's amazing."
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