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Clips from 30 Rock - The Funcooker (S03E03)

"No, I went to the new flagship compartment store on 5th Avenue"
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"A stacker thing to separate junk mail from your humidifier catalogs."
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"I'm going to become wonderful."
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"Everybody shut up. Shut up, Lutz."
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"chipped a tooth..."
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"And lost a shoving match to what I thought"
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"- Guys, seriously, be cool. - Why are you not wearing pants?"
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"Put on your pants!"
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"You can't go today. You have jury duty."
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"How did New York find me?"
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"why it went so very wrong?"
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"Synonym's just another word for the word you wanna use"
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"We can't sing the original songs, but it's gonna be phenomenal."
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"That's no excuse, ye banshee."
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"Wake up, mother..."
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"- I only heard the thin part. - Lemon is right."
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"I choose the movie. My face is bigger on it."
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"And I'll scale back the movie. We could cut the lesbian scene."
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"But the Oscars love that kind of thing."
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"You're going to the doctor."
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"Let's try to have a calm week downstairs, shall we?"
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"Yes, I'm trying."
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"The pocket microwave?"
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"I understand what it's like having too much on your plate."
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"What can I do? I haven't been this tired"
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"and diet and doing a movie and a TV show at same time."
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"You can burn the candle at both ends."
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"Pete is spending spring break with his kids,"
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"who will yell at me for goofing up the lunch order?"
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"I sure have."
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"you can say whatever you want on TV."
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"Stop. That's not the lesson."
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"If you have money, you can do whatever you want."
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"Great news."
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"Of course you are."
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"Now I can still be on the show as much as you want and do the movie."
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"Look how much energy I have."
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"but as the friend whose birthday you love to forget."
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"Please."
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"I will be right back."
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"to be in a jury because I'm a hologram."
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"You seem fine to me. Report to jury room B."
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"Most of that time has been spent focused on coming up"
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"Unfortunately, legal just informed me"
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"This product rolls out in 2 days."
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"- We should make t-shirts! - Yes. And you're in charge of that."
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"how long do these arson trials typically last?"
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"I'll head up there as soon as we are dismissed for the day."
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"All menstruating women go home immediately."
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"He's been doing that for almost eight hours,"
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"Dr. Vicky."
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"You know what I like to do for 8 hours?"
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"- clawing at the window. - I don't think so."
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"Guess I'm not in charge anymore."
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"Guys?"
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"They're all dead unless they come up with a name for my pocket microwave."
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"They're up in my office,"
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"where there are fewer..."
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"Jenna fills in time with a song. "Good night, good night." Mild applause."
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"In the meantime,"
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"any ideas for microwave names?"
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"If you're not going to take this seriously, then do your job."
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"Forget the fines. I've dealt with the FCC."
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"And NBC is issuing an apology on Tracy's behalf."
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"I see you self-publishing your novel"
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"and moving back in with your parents."
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"I'll go talk to Tracy."
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"What sounds more shocking?"
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"And if we don't have advertisers, they're gonna pull the plug on TGS."
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"you need to stop."
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"All right, everyone, back to the drawing board."
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"They knew what a Hot Richard was?"
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"Why don't we start over?"
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"Ms. Gaulke,"
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"how long have you been an employee"
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"I've been an assistant manager there"
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"but he returned unrepentant"
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"They said it was a problem with the subways,"
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"I suspect they were doing sex with each other."
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"And I knew that this was possible only through a cleansing fire."
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"It would all have to burn."
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"All of it would dance in the warm mouth of my fire."
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"And a new, better, wonderful me"
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"I knew this day would come. I have so much inside of me."
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"So it's kinda like a funcooker."
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"It's snappy, fresh, and incapable of offending."
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"- I owe you one. - One hug, you mean?"
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"I didn't even write that apology."
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"We have The Funcooker."
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"I should be able to get up there in an hour."
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"I'm free."
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"Professor Bananas is dead."
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"- as if darkness is closing in on you? - No, ma'am."
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"Cast is set for robot/bear talk show."
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"and I've got The Funcooker."
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"- What about the... - It's the bear and robot talk show."
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"Go to sleep!"
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"Sleep! It's for your own good."
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"Did he just say funcooker?"
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"My wife's throwing away some of our old towels."
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"Do you want them? Cause they're out by the trashcans."
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"Right? I'll be there with pants on. You're the best."
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"Hi, girlfriend."
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"All I did was ask for a diet slice"
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"and some pita chips."
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"Nice try."
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"You went firebug, and I'm sitting on four million..."
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"and heat up some ham in the shower."
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"It works in the shower?"
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"Are you pickling squirrel meat? Cause I can lend you my skull presser."
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"and got everything I need to get my life in order."
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"A thing you stick on your laptop that holds your keys."
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"of what shoes are in there."
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"It's a new beginning."
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"- Like a phoenix rise... - Look out!"
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"Or..."
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"maybe this is gonna be the worst day ever."
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"Episode 314: "The Funcooker""
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"Already today,"
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"I have lost faith in decor-ganizing,"
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