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Clips from The Simpsons - Waiting for Duffman (S26E26)

"Geez, Lis, you're riding the girliest bike in the world."
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"What you need to get is out of our way."
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"When will you people give up your dependence on handlebars?"
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"Quite a Schwinn-dig, eh?"
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"there is no Duffman."
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"About what?"
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"In other news, the Chinese land on Mars."
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"Marge, what would you think if I tried out to be Duffman?"
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"I know why you want to be Duffman."
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"Then what is this about?"
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"Marge, if I died today, the obituary would read,"
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""H. Simpson, father of three, extra pallbearers needed.""
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"Yes, Cat, yes!"
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"A million times, yes!"
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"Der Zip Zorp."
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"Mr. H.K. Duff VII."
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"Thank you, Cat."
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"Now, let's find our Duffman."
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"Oh, yes."
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"Oh, yeah!"
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"Like Mexico misses California."
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"It's down to two."
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"three beautiful children into the world."
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"That's right, man."
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"Homer, your words were beautiful."
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"That is exactly why"
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"Ooh, ooh, ooh, do I get the confetti?!"
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"I mean..."
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"Just take the oath."
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"It shall not end until my death."
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"I am the six-pack hidden in Daddy's secret cabinet."
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"and sell for eight bucks at ballparks,"
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"and promotional cozies,"
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"crossing the Duffaware River."
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"Mr. Duff, can I ask what's in this safe?"
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"Little lady, inside that safe is the formula for Duff itself,"
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"Uh, what the...?"
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"Why don't you kids run off and play in the bottle cap pit?"
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"Don't cut yourselves!"
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"Uh, Marge,"
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"let me tell you a little something about beer."
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"No."
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"It's true. Oh."
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"Okay, what...?"
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"that detects the slightest presence"
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"You see, Duffman cannot drink."
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"I thought you just said that Duffman can't drink."
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"But that would be crazy."
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"The only reason he wanted to become Duffman"
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"that says "Duff" on it and a cape for some reason,"
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"What a crisp and refreshing attitude."
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"Hey, this stuff is pretty good."
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"Uh, that's the chip."
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"I was licking my wife."
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"and I can't drink beer?"
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"Care to team up with Fruit Batman?"
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"Well, if you guys like commercials,"
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"you're gonna love this."
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"Wait, we never said we liked commercials."
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"Because executives are incompetent, sir?"
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"Well, then why do I have so many?"
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"Did I hear a no from section C-72?"
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"Oh."
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"Where the hell is that?"
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"so I will toss down a tow rope."
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"Oh, um..."
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"I need a little context."
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"Is this the most outrageous party you've ever been to?"
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"So you see, you don't need beer to have a good time."
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""I've had enough of that life-ruining Duff!""
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"What the...?!"
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"Homer, now, listen to me."
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"who want to kill you."
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"They don't have the guts."
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"Ow."
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"Now, there's one way out of your hell."
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"Prove you still love beer."
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"There never was a chip."
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"Whatever you do, you'll be my hero."
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"Now you're pushing it."
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"Come on, come on."
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"Oh, yeah."
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"and an Iggy Azalea CD?"
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"Come on, Barry, I know it's you."
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"for coffee-grinding pince-Nez."
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"Let's go, girls!"
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"Huh?"
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"I haven't ridden a bike"
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"since Lance Armstrong was a good guy."
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"Ooh, I stand corrected."
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"Hey, dipwad, bikes only."
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"I need to pay my water bill."
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"Not on motorized transport, you don't."
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"Trains win again!"
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"Your pants are too tight!"
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"Oh, yeah!"
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"My hips are proud to honor our endless war."
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"One, two, three..."
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"Something's wrong with Barry."
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"Never use... my mortal name in public."
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"I have very troubling news."
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"They came for Joe Camel,"
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"and I said nothing."
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"They came for the Frito Bandito,"
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"and still I said nothing."
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"are a beautiful tribute"
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"or just drunks too lazy to find a trash can."
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"Also, no more elephants."
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"Now, for more cool, refreshing news..."
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"It's so you can drink free beer and get shnockered all day."
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"Sure, I admit I get "shnockered" once in a while."
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"I might have been "lacquered" from time to time."
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"Being Duffman would give me another line."
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"Okay, sweetie, you can try."
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"Great, but it won't be easy."
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"your hostess, the inescapable Cat Deeley."
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"Are you ready to find out"
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"who will be America's next Duffman?"
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"America's next Duffman will be selected"
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"by the planet's foremost experts in the field of party starting--"
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