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Clips from The Simpsons - I Won't Be Home for Christmas (S26E26)

"Now I'm sitting on your shoulders! Please!"
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"Okay, okay!"
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"Mom, where's Dad?"
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"for fat guys being late tonight!"
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"♪ Silent night ♪"
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"♪ Holy night... ♪"
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"Stop stirring, you!"
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"The one night of the year"
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"Christmas is a great time to dump him."
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"I never thought I'd say this"
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"but I'm saying it now."
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"I don't want you here on Christmas!"
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"Marge, think about what you're saying."
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"Out now!"
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"assembling all those toys without me!"
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"We already did it."
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"Should I forgive him?"
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"Especially this time."
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"I mean it's Christmas."
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"With his marriage in this much trouble,"
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"I wonder if there's birds on the moon."
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"What kind of a cheapskate gives you"
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"one corncob holder for Christmas?"
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"Bye now. Oh, my God."
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"Santa brought me just what I asked for!"
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"Who's he fooling?"
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"Hmm... Hmm."
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"Hey, pal. Can't believe you have to work Christmas Eve."
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"Well, if you're here for a last minute gift,"
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"we have a cell phone holder that fits"
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"And, uh, Kwik-E-Nog."
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""Not Okayed by Government.""
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"Maybe Marge would forgive me"
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"if I won the lotto."
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"D'oh! Give me another one."
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"Give me another one."
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"Give me another one."
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"Oh please, stop! Stop it!"
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"My religion prohibits me from taking advantage"
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"of a fool more than ten times."
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"This thing basically has no winners."
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"Yeah, but doesn't the money goes to schools?"
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"You have been to our schools. What do you think?"
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"I got me Starbucks napkins!"
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"You know, ironically, in India, they did use the money"
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"for schools and they had fantastic results."
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"Aw, thanks for your honesty, Apu."
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"Is there any other product in the store"
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"Well, uh..."
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"those hot dogs began life as Twinkies."
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"is the one night he can't."
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"I can't have another cocoa."
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"I need to get to sleep."
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"the most prevalent duple-pulse rhythmic cell"
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"in sub-Saharan African music."
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"But the rest will have to wait."
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"Bart, Bart, I hear Mom sobbing."
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"And I don't know where Dad is."
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"Ah, yes."
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"I remember Christmas Eve when I was eight."
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"Why do you always wait till the last minute"
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"I don't want to ruin the magic."
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"And I certainly... Aah!"
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"Next year"
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"this is"
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"your job."
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"Ooh!"
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"Hmm, they say a boy never gets over seeing his dad"
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"in a Santa suit getting hanged"
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"Mom, I'm just a kid,"
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"Hmm."
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"You can't smoke."
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"Okay then."
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"Uh, your front door was locked,"
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"I, uh, came down your chimbley there."
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"Moe Szyslak, you didn't climb down our chimney"
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"and if I'm ever gonna be a good guy, it's now."
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"All right, here I go."
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"I'm the one that kept Homer from coming home,"
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"'cause, uh, well, I was lonely."
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"For it not to have been completely his fault."
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"Thank you, Moe."
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"I'm sorry, Marge, I'm sorry,"
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"That's lettuce caught in a spider's web."
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"All right."
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"I've got to call Homer."
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"D'oh!"
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"I never give up hope."
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"Even the anchor store's closed."
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"♪ One warm December our hearts will see ♪"
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"♪ A world where men are free ♪"
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"Any uplifting holiday movies?"
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"Well, let's see."
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"We've got a film about a nutty professor..."
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"Ooh."
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"D'oh!"
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"Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill... Yeah?"
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"...in a concentration camp drama."
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"And a cute model... Ooh!"
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"...airplane that lost its propeller."
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"Um, I guess I'll take the concentration camp one."
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"Well, if I got to spend Christmas Eve alone,"
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"at least no one will see me."
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"Hey-ya, Homer!"
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"Ah, just 'cause you're here shouldn't make you sad."
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"The guy with the smelly pants,"
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"the lady that carries empty cans in a PBS tote bag."
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"Ugh, what if I left now and gave you guys my popcorn and soda?"
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"Wow, Homer, you have a very generous side."
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"Flanders? What are you doing here?"
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"Christmas is my busy season."
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"Sold three pairs of scissors this month."
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"Two came back."
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"Say, Flanders,"
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"with all the hard luck you've had, how do you stay so happy?"
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"And don't say "Jesus.""
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"Well, sir, our good Lord and my boys are all I've really got."
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"and some ungraded papers,"
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"which I'm still working my way through."
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"Flanders, are you crying?"
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