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Clips from The Office - Charity (S02E02)

"Boyakasha."
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"I've got the "Slough gazette" coming down. It's like a photo."
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"No! No!"
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"Probably put a number up there, shall we? If people want to make donations."
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"And I hear people go, "Oh no. The money just goes to hungry foreigners." Not true."
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"- Sadly a lot of them are. - What do you mean?"
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"...actually are... - disabled."
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"Spend it on what you like. One of those little blue cars or whatever you want"
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"That was one way. I didn't kiss him back."
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"# here in your arms I found my paradise"
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"# and if I lose you now I think I would die"
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"# my baby moves at midnight"
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"# my woman keeps me warm"
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"That looks gay."
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"# what you doin' on your back? Aah"
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"Thank you very much. That's quite a bit in there. You can add that to yours if you like."
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"- All right mate. Show us your moves. - No, there's no beat, is there. You can't..."
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"- Come on! - He had music and eveything."
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"- Give me a bit of warning... - Don't have to give a donation for that, do we?"
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"- Sorry about this. My mad mates. - Er... well..."
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"Gents, sorry to interrupt. I wondered if you'd like to sponsor me?"
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"- You're gonna do what? - I'll be hiding Gareth's belongings."
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"David, I just don't understand this."
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"No David that's not what I want. I want to see this place run with you doing your job, ok?"
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"Neil makes me laugh, though, because It's his interfering. It's his timing."
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""Do it yourself! I've got to save some Africans!""
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"Why is that, then? Going on holiday?"
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"- So many times I've told you not to touch my stuff. - Listen...excuse me..."
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"- A lot of crime in America. - Right. Well, I'll be careful."
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"Word of warning, then. Out there they call them fanny packs."
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"...not your minge."
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"- Dawny. Take that? - Yeah."
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"Thank you. Where do you want your kiss?"
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"I think he's a little bit jealous he's not getting the view you're getting."
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"We're cool."
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"That's that ruined, isn't it? That's what I was..."
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"Jennifer, do you agree with this? Because we can..."
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"That's it. I've been made redundant."
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"See ya."
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"Yeah."
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"Good."
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"Ok."
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"All right? Hello. Just another normal day at the office."
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"Just a normal day, innit?"
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"What? What are you laughing at?"
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"He's mad. Obviously, red nose day."
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"It's always a good laugh. Keith? This is the sort of thing..."
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"Ali G? Ali Keith!"
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"Gareth, come here. Look at this. Normal day, right. Just a normal office. What are you doing?"
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"I'm going to hop everywhere. Been sponsored."
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"That's the sort of thing we'll be doing today."
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"It's always a good laugh. We raised quite a lot last time, didn't we?"
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"On a serious note, it is comic relief and we're raising money for people who are starving to death."
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"If I make people laugh while I'm saving lives, sue me, but..."
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"do it."
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"That's an accountant and that's the boss encouraging it! So what sort of day is it? Is it normal?"
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"- What time is it coming down? - About five-ish."
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"- They'll love us. - No it's just me."
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"- We can all be in it though. - Well not really. I called them, so.."
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"- They'll love us. - Stop trying to worm into someone else's photo."
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"Everyone's joining in. This young lady... ooh, a bit saucy."
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"Selling kisses for the lads, or the ladies, if there are any ladies who like that sort.."
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"- It's different for girls anyway, isn't it? It's more lighthearted. Lower risk. - Erotic"
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"Well, not in this case. I mean, it's not a sexual day. It's er..."
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"- Here's the man. Finchy! - Brentmeister!"
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"Kisses for a quid. It's a good cause. Do you mind kissing me on the nose?"
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"- No. Put your quid in. - Ok. Kiss me on the nose!"
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"What do I get for a tenner? Squeal, piggy, squeal!"
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"- No. I'm not that desperate. - Who says famine has to be depressing?"
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"Don't get me wrong. I've got nothing against this sort of thing, it's a good cause,"
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"but I don't want to have to join in with someone else's idea of wackiness, ok? it's the wackiness I can't stand."
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"It's like um.. If you see someone outside your house collecting for cancer research coz they've been personally affected by it"
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"or an old bloke selling poppies, there's a dignity about it - a real quiet dignity."
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"No. Come on, guys, leave it."
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"Leave it. Please!"
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"And that's what today's all about - dignity."
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"Always dignity."
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"Bastard! My wife and kids are gonna see those!"
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"Sure there's people watching this now going, "Oi, Brent! Why are you still bothering with comic relief?"
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""They're always doing it and there's still people starving." That's why I'm still doing it. That's why you should too."
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"A lot of it stays in this country and goes to home-grown problems..."
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"aka the disableds. A lot of money goes to these fellas."
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"No I'm not saying it goes to you. You don't need it, do you? You're working."
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"But if you do claim for it, you might probably claim for other stuff and that's up to you, as long as you don't abuse the system."
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"A lot of people are abusing the system."
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"- You gotta make sure that people who say they're crippled... - disabled."
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"What? Are you suggesting that people pretend to be disabled in order to claim money off the DSS?"
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"- I don't know. I'm just saying there be tests. - Oh god. What tests?"
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"Stick pins in their legs, see if they react."
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"That is not going to work. I have feeling in my legs. I just can't walk."
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"- Allright, I'm just saying there should be tests. - We're all ears, Gareth."
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"Oh I dunno. When they go down the DSS to make a claim,"
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"they should set off a fake fire alarm everybody legs it out the office, leaving them there."
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"If they're fake, they'll be up and running with you. If they're real, they'll be left there screaming for help."
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"Then you just come back in and say, "It's allright, don't cry. It's just a test. You've passed. Here's your money.""
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"It's just one idea."
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"So...that's..."
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"- No, I don't. - No? It's up to you. Up to her. Her own decisions."
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"Gareth, you know I'm doing kisses for a pound as well, like Dawn."
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"- Well, you're not, and I wouldn't pay you if you were. - I know, such...I'll put your pound in, sure."
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"- I'll put a pound in so you can kiss me. - I wouldn't kiss you if you paid me."
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"I am paying, Gareth. It's quite simple. So, first of all just know it's for charity, I need to just get..."
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"- Why are you such a bender? - I'm just..."
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"Get off! I'm not kissing you. I didn't put a pound in. You are such a pervert!"
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"- It just feels good, though. That feels better. - Get off! I hope you're getting all this."
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"And I hope your girlfriend knows that your gay coz otherwise she's gonna get a big surprise."
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"Is that your big surprise? I've found his big surprise. I've got it."
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"- Allright. Ok. Flipping heck. - You take things too far."
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"All right. Don't get so het up about it."
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"Ha ha! Hoo! Hah!"
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"He's funny. He's a funny bastard."
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"- Pass it back. - You got it?"
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"Yep. You got it."
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"Ok. Gather round, everybody. We've got a little surprise for you if you want to come away from your desks."
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"- Can you remember where we were in that game. - Sheila? Nice costume. You look fantastic."
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"Ok. Would you please give a big warm welcome to the fantastic Neil Godwin and the lovely Rachel."
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"Ok. It's that time again."
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"We've both suffered for our art here, please would you mind suffering with us and I'm going to be collecting at the end so if you give generously."
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"Thanks very much. Jennifer, could you do the honours please?"
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"# 0h, girl, I've known you very well I've seen you growing every day"
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