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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Friendship Algorithm (S02E02)

"I feel like an inverse tangent function that's approaching an asymptote."
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"- Stuck? - What part of "inverse tangent function..."
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"...approaching an asymptote" did you not understand?"
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"I understood all of it, I'm not a moron."
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"Just keep going."
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"Yeah, I don't think I can."
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"Well, then climb back down."
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"So, what's the plan, Cooper?"
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"Well, it's not exactly a plan but I think I'm going to pass out."
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"I'm sorry, can we just do it one more time?"
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"One, two. One, two, three and...."
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"It's a little thing but you really do miss it."
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"Hello to you too."
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"How was rock climbing?"
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"Just hung there like a big salami."
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"Eh, eh, eh. That's where I sit."
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"Ooh, you have a special spot. What kind of wacko are you?"
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"I gotta floss the Indian food out of my teeth if I'm gonna eat Chinese."
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"Sheldon, are you okay?"
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"Oh, yes. I pass out all the time."
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"...which brings me to an awkward moment."
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"...promises to be a Herculean task."
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"So I'm going to have to let one of you go."
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"Me, me, let it be me."
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"Leonard, you are my roommate, my source of transportation..."
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"You are safe."
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"Your cologne is an assault on the senses."
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"And you're not available for video games during the Jewish High Holidays."
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"You, too, are safe."
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"I'm not one of you guys."
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"- I'm not a scientist, so-- - Penny..."
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"...to a homogenous group, your responses to the questionnaire were truly disturbing."
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"How could you for a moment think that my favorite amino acid is glutamine?"
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"Should have, would have, could have, Raj."
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"I like to floss before I eat..."
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"Hello."
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"How did I walk past you?"
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"I'm Barry."
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"So, uh, Kripke, I was wondering if there's any chance..."
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"...you could get me some time on the Open Science Grid computer?"
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"No."
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"No?"
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"I'm confused."
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"I was given to understand that you allow your friends time on the machine."
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"I have no control over it."
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"Oh. This entire endeavor seems to have been an exercise in futility."
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"Raj, you're back in."
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"Secondly, the organic structure of tapioca makes it a jiggling bowl of potential death."
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"Really? I once saw him shopping at Ralphs."
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"It's indigenous to Brazil, as is the cocoa bean from which we get chocolate."
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"For shizzle."
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"Really? Oh, that seems rather shortsighted..."
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"I assumed he was joking."
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"...I don't know, pleasant?"
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"- Oh, you picked up on that, huh? - Yeah, wait--"
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"The ice caps are melting, Leonard."
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"- My condolences. - Thank you."
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"Do you have any books about making friends?"
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"Oh, my, that's awfully sticky."
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"Hardly makes her an expert in making friends, wouldn't you agree?"
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"I don't like birds. They scare me."
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"Well, then perhaps you'd have time for a hot beverage?"
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"Hmm."
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"Let's go, Cooper."
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"Coming, Kripke."
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"No, that doesn't seem any more likely."
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"But it was worth it. I've made substantial progress in bonding with Kripke..."
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"- Can I whistle? - Don't be silly."
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"Howard..."
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"Raj, you're out."
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"While you do provide a certain cultural diversity..."
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"- He had lysine but changed it. - Yeah."
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"...so my gum pockets are open for new food."
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"Ew."
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"Feel better now?"
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"Hello, Sheldon."
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"I agree."
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"I brought my new friend, Barry Kripke, home for dinner."
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"Hello, Kripke. Yeah, Sheldon Cooper here."
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"But we're friends."
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"So is this your entire job?"
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"Twenty thousand data runs and no statistically significant results."
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"I didn't think he had it in him."
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"Don't feel bad, Leonard. Negative results are still results."
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"Then why learn how to swim?"
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"- What's that? - Maintaining five friendships..."
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"On the floor."
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"- It is extracted from the plant-- - Hey, I'm thinking of growing a mustache."
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"But he controls the new Open Science Grid computer..."
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"That's why he eats by himself instead of sitting here at the cool table."
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"There you go. Now any e-mail from Wolowitz..."
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"- Would you like that? - Okay."
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"Well, Sheldon, I'm not going to defend a big-balled raccoon."
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"But you do bring up an interesting point. I don't have to break new ground here."
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"- Family. - Too bad."
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"The social sciences are largely hokum."
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"Ooh, pot stickers."
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"- Penny. - Eh, that's not a very hot name."
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"All right. Sheldon, why is tapioca--?"
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"Very impressive."
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"Heard about your anti-proton decay experiment."
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"...as much as the vacation pictures of him in a bathing suit."
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"Nevertheless, I hope you enjoyed it."
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"There was a flyer on the bulletin board at the university:"
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"Okay, question one:"
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"I know. I may have started off with a fairly obvious one."
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"It's kind of cute."
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"...as a purely intellectual exercise."
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"- Uh, till you get to the scrotum. - Yeah."
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"Damn it, I had lysine and changed it."
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"I believe I've isolated the algorithm for making friends."
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"Yeah, I see."
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"Time to learn rock climbing."
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"A loop counter and an escape to the least objectionable activity."
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"What would you say is the minimum altitude..."
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"Okay, you know what? I see where this is going."
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"I'm sorry. No, my friend."
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"Thanks. The e-mail doesn't bother me..."
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"...playfulness, Java-applet writing"?"
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""Rank the following aspects of Sheldon Cooper in order of appeal:"
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