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Clips from Archer - Mole Hunt (S01E01)

"Because you have information that I want."
Archer
"but we have ways of making you talk."
Archer
"That it was creepy and pathetic?"
Archer
"Oh, come on... At worst, that was "needs improvement.""
Archer
"And maybe you just got your face kicked off."
Archer
"Mother."
Archer
"- Good morning. - Hey, you."
Archer
"I'm so hungry."
Archer
"but you were quite insistent... - What was I?"
Archer
"That an exception be made."
Archer
"Watch this. Abergard, go."
Archer
"But if I find one single dog hair when I get back..."
Archer
"One entire whole week we've been calling you."
Archer
"- This is not a dress. - Are you serious? That's not a dress?"
Archer
"Krieger? Huh."
Archer
"You geeks wanna smell something?"
Archer
"- Archer, get the hell out. - What is it with you people?"
Archer
"Hey. Hey, what does this smell like?"
Archer
"You are amazing, sweet stuff."
Archer
"- Mother, hey. Just a second. - I cannot believe you."
Archer
"No, turn it on. I can do both."
Archer
"- Is that Archer? - Goddamn it."
Archer
"Come on, 22 black."
Archer
"Twenty-two black. Twenty-two."
Archer
"Black. Ass. Son of a bitch. Heh."
Archer
"How about this expensive prostitute?"
Archer
"- Archer, please. That's private. - Not calm enough?"
Archer
"Of course, because if Pam knows, then everybody knows..."
Archer
"Hey, wait. What about your account? Oh, I get it."
Archer
"Did you see Brian's Song? Same thing pretty much happened."
Archer
"I helped a guy with cancer. Look, I'm really sorry, Carol, but I couldn't..."
Archer
"I have 50 agents who'd literally kill to move up to your position."
Archer
"And for God's sake, take a shower."
Archer
"that's a bond of trust, okay?"
Archer
"There's my favorite section head."
Archer
"I offer these delicious doughnuts."
Archer
"- **** your dolphin, Pam. Archer, she's down, all right?"
Archer
"Then you can pretend they're marbles and you're a hungry, hungry..."
Archer
"- What are you doing? - Oh, just dicing veggies for dinner."
Archer
"- I always make Lana stir-fry on Friday. - Neat. Listen..."
Archer
"I'm on a top-secret mole hunt."
Archer
"Think what that would do to me if we had to kill her..."
Archer
"Inexplicably unprotected."
Archer
"But even if you zip-lined across..."
Archer
"... you'd still have to find the mainframe."
Archer
"Oh, God, everything makes you uncomfortable."
Archer
"Just the tip?"
Archer
"Now I have to break into ISIS headquarters in a $900 turtleneck."
Archer
"Oh, and thank you, duffel bag."
Archer
"Exactly. You're not Archer. That's what's so great about you."
Archer
"And the fact your mother died in a fire."
Archer
"- What? - I said where are we on that stir-fry?"
Archer
"Confirmed a naughty nellie's breaking our after-work phone rule."
Archer
"- Think it's the mole? - God, you and Pam..."
Archer
"- But if I'm not here... - Yeah."
Archer
"Not Faggis? - Figgis. I was very clear."
Archer
"Seriously, it's really bad."
Archer
"Okay, operations account. Just how deep in the red am I?"
Archer
"These are all black."
Archer
"into some pathetic idiot's account by the name of..."
Archer
"- Is that sound...? Is that Jewish? - It's Russian."
Archer
"Um..."
Archer
"- Russian-Jewish? - I'm the mole, idiot."
Archer
"Yes, but you told Pam and now everyone is looking for a real mole."
Archer
"God, do we hate Pam."
Archer
"- So I have to escape. - And irony."
Archer
"- Double irony. - I'll need 50,000 for travel expenses."
Archer
"- Fifty thousand? - From your account."
Archer
"I dumped you because you're dragging around a 35-year-old umbilical cord."
Archer
"- You wanna see crazy? - No, I've seen that movie..."
Archer
"and spoiler alert, it ends with a closetful of my suits on fire."
Archer
"- Cosplay enthusiasts. - What?"
Archer
"So why are you sitting here in the car eating stir-fry?"
Archer
"- What's this flap about a break-in? - Mother, look out."
Archer
"Shut up. It's classic misdirection."
Archer
"How is this a Mexican standoff?"
Archer
"Sterling? - Yes."
Archer
"What? - What the hell is wrong with you people?"
Archer
"Nothing. You, on the other hand... Ow. Ow."
Archer
"No, just half of one."
Archer
"Johnny Bench called."
Archer
"- What? Call him that again..."
Archer
"- Do you see this? - I just don't understand."
Archer
"and slowly I am rubbing it around... Goddamn it."
Archer
"- Who was this? - Who are you, Comrade Question?"
Archer
"Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants."
Archer
"Code name Duchess."
Archer
"So for us, this is... How you say?"
Archer
"- A good get."
Archer
"But not so good for you, Mr. Archer."
Archer
"What? Your little go-cart battery?"
Archer
"Son of a bitch. - Now you did it."
Archer
"- What is the point of these simulations... - Krenshaw's arousal?"
Archer
"If you don't take them seriously?"
Archer
"How can I? Between his lame accent and the go-cart battery..."
Archer
"Random? It was your dog's name."
Archer
"Oh, Duchess."
Archer
"I loved her so much."
Archer
"Exercise terminated."
Archer
"- All right, that's lunch then. - Agent performance unsatisfactory."
Archer
"I assume you'd try to suck a promotion out of some Russian guy's cock."
Archer
"That is my foot in your face. Smell the embarrass..."
Archer
"Ow, oh!"
Archer
"Mother, did you see that?"
Archer
"Mother."
Archer
"Leave a message at the tone."
Archer
"Um... Tone."
Archer
"- Is that a dog? Is it a dog? - Oui, that is Abelard."
Archer
"But you promised me breakfast."
Archer
"You want breakfast? Try the diner. You're obviously into Greek."
Archer
"- It's a short list, Woodhouse. Yes, sir."
Archer
"- Things we don't allow in. What are they? - Dogs and your mother."
Archer
"No, no, no, because forget the dog rule, because this pug is amazing."
Archer
"Do you not hear that?"
Archer
"- But I'm not to be trusted, am I? - No, sir."
Archer
"Stop. Shut up. I have to go."
Archer
"Very good, sir."
Archer
"I don't know if they grade it but..."
Archer
"Coarse."
Archer
"So we have something in common."
Archer
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