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Clips from Modern Family - Fifteen Percent (S01E01)

"Damn it. You're worse than your sister with this kind of stuff."
Modern Family
"It's a good thing Lily doesn't have an ejector seat."
Modern Family
"Oh, guess what. I ran into your dad and some of his friends."
Modern Family
"Oh, really? Yeah. And get this."
Modern Family
"He, uh- He referred to me as "a friend of my son.""
Modern Family
"Seriously? Yeah."
Modern Family
"That's a little disrespectful to you."
Modern Family
"I mean, would he refer to Phil as "a friend of Claire's"? No."
Modern Family
"I've heard him call Phil a lot worse."
Modern Family
"I'm not letting it pass. He needs to know that's not okay."
Modern Family
"And if he doesn't like it, he knows where he can go."
Modern Family
"Enter destination. Hell!"
Modern Family
"Mexican food. Shut up!"
Modern Family
"I came out of the closet in my mid-20s."
Modern Family
"I had to actually come out to my dad three times..."
Modern Family
"before he finally acknowledged it."
Modern Family
"I'm not sure if maybe he was hoping he heard it wrong,"
Modern Family
"like I had said, "Dad, I'm gray." [Clicks Tongue]"
Modern Family
"And my parents, they always just knew."
Modern Family
"My mother says labor with me took 36 hours..."
Modern Family
"because I came out of the womb like this- "Hello!""
Modern Family
"[Jay] I gotta lay off these cannolis. Hey, Dad."
Modern Family
"Mitchell. Hey, you guys know my son, Mitch."
Modern Family
"Hey, Mitch, how they hangin'? Hey, Mitch."
Modern Family
"Hey, hey, hey. That's a great coat."
Modern Family
"Where'd you get that? I don't know. It was a gift."
Modern Family
"Really? What is it- suede, microsuede? Um-"
Modern Family
"Some kind of lambskin? It's very soft, you know."
Modern Family
"Thank you."
Modern Family
"Huh."
Modern Family
"Thanks. Good seeing you. Be right back."
Modern Family
"What's the matter?"
Modern Family
"Um, "a friend of my son"? That's how you introduce Cam?"
Modern Family
"Cam and I have been together for five years. We- We have a daughter."
Modern Family
"Look at these guys."
Modern Family
"They look like they came out of the 1800s."
Modern Family
"You see Hugo over there? After lunch, he ordered a Sanka."
Modern Family
"No, they're not the ones that are uncomfortable with this. You are."
Modern Family
"You've never been completely accepting of me."
Modern Family
"And now that I have a family, it's getting a little old."
Modern Family
"Why create an awkward situation? That's all I'm saying."
Modern Family
"That's weird, because your friend Shorty there- gay as they come."
Modern Family
"My gaydar is never wrong, and it is pinging like we're at a bathhouse."
Modern Family
"What are you talking about- gay? The guy used to be married."
Modern Family
"Okay, that makes- So did Elton John, Merv Griffin, Cole Porter."
Modern Family
"You know what? Listen. You couldn't be more wrong about this."
Modern Family
"- Good seeing you guys. - [Hugo] You take care, man."
Modern Family
"Ping!"
Modern Family
"Phil Dunphy. Hey, it's me."
Modern Family
"who wanna watch the talent show DVD,"
Modern Family
"and I can't get the sound to work."
Modern Family
"Is there a picture? Yes."
Modern Family
"Be honest. Did you do that thing where you get frustrated..."
Modern Family
"and you start pressing all the buttons?"
Modern Family
"No."
Modern Family
"overly complicated things in the house..."
Modern Family
"Last month, it was the thermostat."
Modern Family
"♪ The snowflake button makes it cold, cold, cold ♪"
Modern Family
"♪ "Set temperature" makes it hold, hold, hold ♪"
Modern Family
"♪ The little flame makes it hot- ♪♪"
Modern Family
"I am sorry. It's okay."
Modern Family
"He just seemed so mature online."
Modern Family
"How could I be so stupid? [Manny] You're not stupid."
Modern Family
""Stupid" is not following your heart and taking a chance on love."
Modern Family
"[Crying] Manny's an old soul."
Modern Family
"Here. Use my handkerchief."
Modern Family
"I'll just be alone for the rest of my life."
Modern Family
"And that's okay. No, don't say that."
Modern Family
"In my country, there's a saying that means..."
Modern Family
""Love is just around the corner.""
Modern Family
"I come from a neighborhood with a lot of prostitutes."
Modern Family
"Maybe for you. I mean, men must throw themselves at you every day."
Modern Family
"They'II do the same for you if you just-"
Modern Family
"Just what? Put out? No. Just-"
Modern Family
"Like, the lipstick, the hair, push-up bra. You know."
Modern Family
"[Sniffles] What's it matter? I'm never gonna be as pretty as you."
Modern Family
"Ay, believe me, this takes a lot of work."
Modern Family
"You just need to find your inner beauty."
Modern Family
"It's hiding beneath a mask of insecurity."
Modern Family
"Okay, he's starting to freak me out."
Modern Family
"Manny, go play."
Modern Family
"Mitchell, how do these look to you?"
Modern Family
"Like they're dying. I know. Right?"
Modern Family
"I said something to the florist. He said, "Don't worry about it. They're gonna come back.""
Modern Family
"They're not coming back. They've crossed to the other side."
Modern Family
"You're completely bothered by the flowers."
Modern Family
"But when my father introduces you as "a friend of my son,""
Modern Family
"doesn't faze you in the least."
Modern Family
"Because the florist played me for a fool."
Modern Family
"Your dad didn't mean any harm. He's just being who he is."
Modern Family
"When I was back East in law school,"
Modern Family
"my dad used to call me every Saturday at 6:00 p.m., before people would go out,"
Modern Family
"And then, I think, the Christmas of my second year,"
Modern Family
"I finally got up the courage to tell him."
Modern Family
"After that, I-I... pretty much just talked to my mom."
Modern Family
"I'm not crying."
Modern Family
"I'm home! [Gloria] We're here."
Modern Family
"[Door Closes] This is Whitney. We're giving her a makeover."
Modern Family
"Hi. You have such a nice family..."
Modern Family
"Of course she is. I'll be in here."
Modern Family
"[Whispers] I'll be right back."
Modern Family
"That's okay."
Modern Family
"Probably didn't turn out how you wanted it either."
Modern Family
"I'll tell you what. If neither of us is with anybody in 10 years,"
Modern Family
"how about you and me give it a shot?"
Modern Family
"But maybe."
Modern Family
"How was your lunch with the boys? Good."
Modern Family
"Ran into Mitchell and Cam. Ay, nice."
Modern Family
"You're not gonna believe this. Mitchell says Shorty's gay. Shorty?"
Modern Family
"Yeah, I believe it. Oh, come on!"
Modern Family
"He's the only one of your friends that never hits on me. My friends hit on you?"
Modern Family
"Yes, all the time, but don't worry."
Modern Family
"They're a bunch of harmless old men."
Modern Family
"They're my age."
Modern Family
"I'm sure it's very hard on Shorty to keep a secret like that."
Modern Family
"Jay, I think you should talk to him. What?"
Modern Family
"We're guys. We don't open up."
Modern Family
"We talk about sports and cars, getting up in the middle of the night to pee."
Modern Family
"I'm sure you made it very easy for Mitch to come out of the closet."
Modern Family
"Yeah. Okay. I'm gonna finish my makeover."
Modern Family
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