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Clips from Modern Family - Fifteen Percent (S01E01)

"Haley's just in the bathroom. She'll be back in just a minute."
Modern Family
"Thank you."
Modern Family
"Blown a valve. Hey! Look who it is."
Modern Family
"You want me to take 'em to her?"
Modern Family
"And on the inside, it says, "Thank you for last noche,"
Modern Family
"but I can't find my pantalones.""
Modern Family
"And then he wants me to take them out for ice cream,"
Modern Family
"Vamos."
Modern Family
"[Man] ♪ Hey, hey ♪"
Modern Family
"♪ Hey, hey Hey ♪♪"
Modern Family
"I wasn't offended by it. Well- [Exhales] I am."
Modern Family
"Just let it pass. I should have never said anything."
Modern Family
"- Uh, can I talk to you for a second? - Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah."
Modern Family
"That's why you came here? Dad, it's just more than a little insulting."
Modern Family
"These guys don't understand the gay thing."
Modern Family
"You gotta be kiddin'. Mm-mmm. No."
Modern Family
"No, Dad. You could not be more wrong- about a lot of things."
Modern Family
"[Line Ringing] [Remote Beeps]"
Modern Family
"Hey. Listen, I've got a bunch of moms over here..."
Modern Family
"I have a theory that Phil installs..."
Modern Family
"[Crying] This is so humiliating."
Modern Family
"I mean, what kind of 11 -year-old talks like that?"
Modern Family
"You see what I mean?"
Modern Family
"You are a funny man. Why?"
Modern Family
"just to, you know, check in, catch up."
Modern Family
"[Quietly] Don't cry."
Modern Family
"and a really beautiful house."
Modern Family
"I'm sorry this didn't turn out like you wanted."
Modern Family
"That's disturbing."
Modern Family
"Well, he's a great dresser, a great dancer. That doesn't prove anything."
Modern Family
"Because I want to help them change their lives."
Modern Family
"Excuse me, but the experts at CNET.com rated it the best remote."
Modern Family
"It upsets you too much."
Modern Family
"Who's our dumbest kid? Luke."
Modern Family
"I was thinking of heading over to the driving range and hitting a few balls."
Modern Family
"Oh, my God! Oh, God!"
Modern Family
"I got all medieval on the florist."
Modern Family
"[Doorbell Rings]"
Modern Family
"Oh, no! That's the florist."
Modern Family
"Hi. [Chuckles] Florist."
Modern Family
"- They were like this when we came home. - Cam. Cam."
Modern Family
"Now turn those hips. That's it. You just gotta relax."
Modern Family
"And now choose "Watch DVD." What?"
Modern Family
"that's maybe causing you a lot of anguish."
Modern Family
"It's just that, Jay, you see, I'm, uh-"
Modern Family
"Haley. You ready?"
Modern Family
"- Put on a DVD. - Hairdresser Frederick Longmire denies he's responsible."
Modern Family
"- Skip forward. - Wait."
Modern Family
"No, honey, you're missing the point."
Modern Family
"- Vietnamese. - Only you would know the difference."
Modern Family
"Whitney, this is Cameron. Hello. It's nice to meet you."
Modern Family
"This old thing? [Chuckles]"
Modern Family
"One of my favorites. Me too."
Modern Family
"Me too."
Modern Family
"People are who they are- give or take, yeah, 15%."
Modern Family
"What? I need you to teach me to use the TV."
Modern Family
"Can people change? Well, that's a-"
Modern Family
"That is a tough one, but I would say yes. People can change."
Modern Family
"That's what I believe anyway, and I will till the day I die."
Modern Family
"You do realize you're proving the exact opposite of your point?"
Modern Family
"See? She's changed. She used to be very supportive of me."
Modern Family
"[Beep] [Claire] Come on."
Modern Family
"[Beeps]"
Modern Family
"- [TV, Loud] - Aah! Phil!"
Modern Family
"- Ow! Ow! Why is it so loud? - My ears are bleeding!"
Modern Family
"Why is it so loud? I don't know! Make it stop!"
Modern Family
"I just installed a sweet home theater system in the family room."
Modern Family
"The, um- The trouble is Claire struggles..."
Modern Family
"with technology of any kind."
Modern Family
"I mean, remotes, cell phones, computers."
Modern Family
"Haley, have you seen my blue- [Exhales]"
Modern Family
"[On Monitor] Hey, Mrs. Dunphy. Oh, hey, Dylan."
Modern Family
"You know I can see you, right?"
Modern Family
"No, I did not know that."
Modern Family
"Where were you pointing it? At the TV."
Modern Family
"[Laughs] This-"
Modern Family
"Honey- Uh, no. I'm sorry. It's-It's a home theater."
Modern Family
"What, so I can't point it at the TV when I want to watch the TV?"
Modern Family
"No. You point it at the receiver. What's a receiver?"
Modern Family
"Okay, imagine our home theater system is a human body."
Modern Family
"So then the receiver is the brain. Mm-hmm."
Modern Family
"The TV is the face. I know what part you are."
Modern Family
"[Jay] So he says to his wife, "You don't love me anymore?""
Modern Family
"His heart- boom! Quadruple bypass. [Others Laughing]"
Modern Family
"- Hey. There he is. - What a coinkydink."
Modern Family
"I was just getting some flowers for Gloria for babysitting Lily."
Modern Family
"I would, but I have the most hilarious card for her at home."
Modern Family
"It's- It's a hunky Antonio Banderas type in silk boxers."
Modern Family
"[Laughing]"
Modern Family
"I'm not doing it justice, really."
Modern Family
"Hi. I'm Cameron. Oh, geez. I'm sorry. Guys, this is Cameron."
Modern Family
"- He's a... friend of my son's. - [Man] Hey."
Modern Family
"This is, uh, Scotty, Dale, Hugo and Shorty."
Modern Family
"It's nice to meet you guys. You guys look like a scene out of Jersey Boys."
Modern Family
"[Chuckles]"
Modern Family
"- ¡Ay! So handsome! - Thank you."
Modern Family
"Manny, are you wearing aftershave? Yes, for my date."
Modern Family
"This will be the first time she will ever smell me."
Modern Family
"Her name is Whitney. I met her in an online book club."
Modern Family
"We both like vampire fiction..."
Modern Family
"and the romance of eternal life."
Modern Family
"I think it's adorable that Manny has a date."
Modern Family
"He even picked out the lunch menu-"
Modern Family
"grilled-cheese sandwich and tomato soup."
Modern Family
"Tomato soup because, you know, the tomato soup is like the blood."
Modern Family
"And the vampires like to eat the blood. [Chuckles]"
Modern Family
"well, because Manny likes ice cream."
Modern Family
"- [Doorbell Rings] - Oh, that must be her."
Modern Family
"If this goes well, you don't need to stick around."
Modern Family
"Hi. I'm Whitney. I'm here for Manny."
Modern Family
"♪ Hey, hey Hey, hey ♪"
Modern Family
"[Beeps] See how that works?"
Modern Family
"Sorry, sweetie. Sorry, Daddy. No, it's all right."
Modern Family
"We were just- Me and Lily were just using the time..."
Modern Family
"to figure out how to use the car's voice-command thingy."
Modern Family
"Oh. Here. Check it out. Watch."
Modern Family
"[Beeps] CD player. Next track."
Modern Family
"[Female Voice] Say a command. No."
Modern Family
"[Beeps] [Sighs] CD player. Next track."
Modern Family
"Air conditioner on. [Air Blowing]"
Modern Family
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