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Clips from Brooklyn Nine-Nine - Sabotage (S02E02)

That should be enough.

"That should be enough."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

And we told you to trust us.

"And we told you to trust us."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

That should be enough.

"That should be enough."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

All right, fine. You don't want my help?

"All right, fine. You don't want my help?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You're not gonna get it.

"You're not gonna get it."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

In fact, I'm deleting your numbers from my phone.

"In fact, I'm deleting your numbers from my phone."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Just let us take you home.

"Just let us take you home."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Where am I?

"Where am I?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Hello, Peralta.

"Hello, Peralta."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Geoffrey Hoytsman?

"Geoffrey Hoytsman?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You're the one who's been sabotaging me?

"You're the one who's been sabotaging me?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I'm just ruining your life like you ruined mine.

"I'm just ruining your life like you ruined mine."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

But I basically got your cocaine charges dropped.

"But I basically got your cocaine charges dropped."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You only had to do 40 hours of community service.

"You only had to do 40 hours of community service."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Right, but I wanted to get them all done at once,

"Right, but I wanted to get them all done at once,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

so for energy, I did way too much cocaine and meth.

"so for energy, I did way too much cocaine and meth."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Went on a prolonged psychotic episode

"Went on a prolonged psychotic episode"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

involving assault, public fornication,

"involving assault, public fornication,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

and, apparently, the touching of my scrotum

"and, apparently, the touching of my scrotum"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

to every doorknob in a synagogue.

"to every doorknob in a synagogue."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

And you know what happened then?

"And you know what happened then?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

They thoroughly cleaned the synagogue,

"They thoroughly cleaned the synagogue,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

you landed on your feet

"you landed on your feet"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

and pursued your true passion of selling ice cream?

"and pursued your true passion of selling ice cream?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

None of that.

"None of that."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I lost my job and my wife and my home.

"I lost my job and my wife and my home."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

An ex-client lent me this truck.

"An ex-client lent me this truck."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

He likes me because I got him off

"He likes me because I got him off"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

on a strangle-and-mangle.

"on a strangle-and-mangle."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You have a phrase for that?

"You have a phrase for that?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I used to, when I was an awesome lawyer.

"I used to, when I was an awesome lawyer."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Now I'm just another idiot living in an ice cream truck.

"Now I'm just another idiot living in an ice cream truck."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Why would you keep my pee?

"Why would you keep my pee?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I need belongings, Jake,

"I need belongings, Jake,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

People are gonna notice if I disappear.

"People are gonna notice if I disappear."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

See? Someone's already looking for me.

"See? Someone's already looking for me."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You're in big trouble, buddy.

"You're in big trouble, buddy."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Your e-coupon for Big Mike's Calzones expires today.

"Your e-coupon for Big Mike's Calzones expires today."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

And if I don't redeem that,

"And if I don't redeem that,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Big Mike is gonna get real suspicious.

"Big Mike is gonna get real suspicious."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

with pizzas for eyes.

"with pizzas for eyes."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

All right, fine.

"All right, fine."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Maybe not Big Mike, but someone will.

"Maybe not Big Mike, but someone will."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Shut up, Peralta!

"Shut up, Peralta!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Captain Holt,

"Captain Holt,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

here's your CompStat report.

"here's your CompStat report."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

and there's no more dance in me.

"and there's no more dance in me."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

so I won't be tempted to use them.

"so I won't be tempted to use them."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Sarcasm... the coward's lie.

"Sarcasm... the coward's lie."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I don't get it.

"I don't get it."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Gina's always so sure of herself.

"Gina's always so sure of herself."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

She usually doesn't care at all

"She usually doesn't care at all"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Maybe not with most people, Captain.

"Maybe not with most people, Captain."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

But she cares what you think.

"But she cares what you think."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Fine. I regret what I said.

"Fine. I regret what I said."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

But now, I don't know how to make it right with her.

"But now, I don't know how to make it right with her."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Lie!

"Lie!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

there were baby bunnies in their stomachs

"there were baby bunnies in their stomachs"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

to get them to eat lettuce.

"to get them to eat lettuce."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

And that worked?

"And that worked?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

because they thought the bunnies would drown.

"because they thought the bunnies would drown."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

that they hopped out of their mouths while they slept.

"that they hopped out of their mouths while they slept."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I've lost track of your point.

"I've lost track of your point."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

They ate their lettuce,

"They ate their lettuce,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

and lying works!

"and lying works!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Pretty good gag, huh?

"Pretty good gag, huh?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

A prostitute taught me how to make it.

"A prostitute taught me how to make it."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Ugh. Where were you?

"Ugh. Where were you?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Okay, well, I had to grab a few things at the art supply store.

"Okay, well, I had to grab a few things at the art supply store."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Kidnapping is 90% crafting.

"Kidnapping is 90% crafting."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Jake, you're gonna help me get my life back.

"Jake, you're gonna help me get my life back."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

to framing me for everything that got me in trouble.

"to framing me for everything that got me in trouble."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

emotionally unstable,

"emotionally unstable,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

and pointing a gun at you.

"and pointing a gun at you."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Let's make a movie!

"Let's make a movie!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

guess who caught the Tim O's Limos perp.

"guess who caught the Tim O's Limos perp."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Jake?

"Jake?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Is Jake back?

"Is Jake back?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

No, we did.

"No, we did."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You called us useless.

"You called us useless."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You called us incompetent.

"You called us incompetent."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You called us zeros in the sack.

"You called us zeros in the sack."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Never happened.

"Never happened."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

How did you solve the case?

"How did you solve the case?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

We listened to those voicemails again

"We listened to those voicemails again"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Got a list of employees, did door duty

"Got a list of employees, did door duty"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

asking neighbors if any of them kept pet birds.

"asking neighbors if any of them kept pet birds."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

We finally found one who did, and guess what.

"We finally found one who did, and guess what."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

The landscaping in front of his building was covered with these.

"The landscaping in front of his building was covered with these."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I can't believe it.

"I can't believe it."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

What, you don't think it could break one?

"What, you don't think it could break one?"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Watch.

"Watch."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I meant I can't believe you solved the case.

"I meant I can't believe you solved the case."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Well, you were wrong on that too.

"Well, you were wrong on that too."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I destroyed the good name of an American hero...

"I destroyed the good name of an American hero..."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I got him fired from his job,

"I got him fired from his job,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

on the synagogue doorknobs.

"on the synagogue doorknobs."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Great, now just eighty more confessions to go.

"Great, now just eighty more confessions to go."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You've been very naughty.

"You've been very naughty."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I threatened to blow Mr. Hoytsman's head off

"I threatened to blow Mr. Hoytsman's head off"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

if he didn't quote-unquote

"if he didn't quote-unquote"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

"really cheap out on his dad's funeral."

""really cheap out on his dad's funeral.""

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

And while he slept,

"And while he slept,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I logged in to Hoytsman's computer

"I logged in to Hoytsman's computer"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

and flooded it with Thai pornography.

"and flooded it with Thai pornography."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Starts crying.

"Starts crying."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

"Starts crying" is a stage direction,

""Starts crying" is a stage direction,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

you imbecile!

"you imbecile!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

and it was I, disguised as Geoffrey,

"and it was I, disguised as Geoffrey,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

who spoke against her at her political asylum hearing.

"who spoke against her at her political asylum hearing."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You did it, not me.

"You did it, not me."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

to a truly decent man,

"to a truly decent man,"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

which is why I've decided to take my own life.

"which is why I've decided to take my own life."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Wait, no, I didn't decide that.

"Wait, no, I didn't decide that."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Spoiler alert!

"Spoiler alert!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

That last take sounded great.

"That last take sounded great."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

You know, I should write more.

"You know, I should write more."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

What a rush!

"What a rush!"

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Hoytsman, you don't have to do this.

"Hoytsman, you don't have to do this."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Your life's not so bad.

"Your life's not so bad."

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

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