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Clips from The Goldbergs (2013) - The Scrunchie Rule (S05E05)

"Who can forget the gruff,"
The Goldbergs (2013)
"no-nonsense gym teachers of the '80s?"
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"They were true athletic authorities"
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"who demanded respect and ruled our lives"
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"with an iron whistle."
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"None more than"
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"William Penn Academy's Coach Mellor."
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"Well, aren't you a tall glass of Gatorade?"
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"Go get 'em, Ricky!"
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"After a great deal"
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"of legal wrangling,"
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"I am excited introduce a new unit --"
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"full-contact Red Rover."
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"- Oh! - Ugh!"
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"Did I hear somebody say "full-contact"?"
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"But like clockwork, my smother would always save me"
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"from the dangers of physical movement."
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"I forced Principal Ball to give me an advanced copy"
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"of all your units,"
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"and my baby is not doing anything full contact."
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"It's all very embarrassing, but so worth it."
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"It sure was -- till one fateful day when everything changed."
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"Today, we will be climbing the celebrated gym rope."
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"Fear not. This inch and a half of blue cushion"
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"will probably break your fall."
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"Goldfarb, kick us off."
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"Sorry, Coach."
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"My old lady likes to keep all this on safe ground."
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"She'll be here in three, two, one..."
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"Mama!"
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"Face it, Goldfarb -- she's a no-show."
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"Time to let the rope get to know every part of you."
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"Thing is, my mom's doing this whole Bevolution"
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"to reinvent herself"
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"and kind of dropped the ball on her schmoopie."
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"Move!"
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"For the very first time, I was Momless"
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"and had to face the infamous rope on my own."
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"And like many gym scrubs before me, I sucked real bad."
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"Coach believes in you, kiddo!"
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"Dig down deep! Failure is not --"
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"And he's coming down!"
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"I'm alive!"
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"Oh, no."
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"Coach, you okay?"
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"Pain is just weakness leaving the body."
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"Now, make room for me to acrobatically"
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"leap to my feet like a jungle cat."
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"S-S-Should I call Nurse Steve?"
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"No need! Just a tiny sprain!"
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"It is not a tiny sprain!"
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"I've ruptured my C2 vertebra."
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"As a result, I can no longer aggressively sneeze"
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"or use my full head to properly whistle."
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"Man, I feel like this is kinda partially my fault, Coach."
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"Oh, it is 100% your fault."
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"And as such, I will unfairly put you on a dodgeball team"
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"with a bunch of weak-armed scrubs"
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"so you get yours."
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"Game on!"
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"Ah!"
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"Let me just grab a couple ball..."
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"Who did that?!"
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"Who laughed at me?!"
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"Admit it! I can't turn my head, so I couldn't see."
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"You will not laugh at Coach!"
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"You will respect your sports leader --"
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"Aah!"
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"♪ I'm twisted up inside ♪"
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"♪ But nonetheless, I feel the need to say ♪"
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"♪ I don't know the future ♪"
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"♪ But the past keeps getting clearer every day ♪"
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"It was March 21st, 1980-something,"
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"the week my sister hit an important college milestone --"
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"growing to hate her roommate."
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"And the tipping point..."
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"a box of chewy fruit snacks."
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"Have you seen my Shark Bites?"
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"I've seen no Shark Bites."
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"Weird, because, um, when I went to class,"
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"my Shark Bites were here."
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"And now, my Shark Bites are gone!"
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"Are you, like, suggesting I ate your Shark Bites?"
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"Oh, I'm saying you ate my Shark Bites."
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"You owe me Shark Bites!"
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"And you owe me half a Taco Bell taco I left out last night!"
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"So, you admit it."
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"Oh, I admit it."
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"I ate them all."
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"And my tummy is super jacked up,"
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"but it was worth it to even the score."
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"I will eat everything you own!"
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"Aah!"
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"- Stop it! - No!"
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"Yep. Living on top of each other finally got to them."
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"Really?!"
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"It's for class, so... suck it."
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"You know, I'm getting really tired"
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"of how crazy passive aggressive you are!"
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"Me? You purposely didn't refill the ice tray."
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"I couldn't because somebody made it all crusty"
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"from the jello shots that she made in it."
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"I have no memory of that entire night,"
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"so I win this argument."
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"Did you?"
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"No! My special ice tray!"
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"And things went from bad to worse when Erica came home"
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"to a scrunchie on the door."
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"Back before texting, this message meant your roommate"
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"had romantic company, so go away."
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"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!"
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"Um, hello! Scrunchie on the door."
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"Just open up. I'm exhausted."
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"Oh, I'd love to help you,"
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"but I'm entertaining Hector."
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"He plays the flute."
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"I don't want to know Hector facts."
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"I want to sleep in my own bed."
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"I'm sorry, but it's the scrunchie rule."
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"Go sleep in the common room with the other loveless losers."
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