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Clips from The Goldbergs (2013) - The Hooters (S05E05)

"ADULT ADAM: Ah, wood-shop class."
The Goldbergs (2013)
"Back in the '80s, this sawdust-covered danger zone"
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"was a place where students handled heavy-duty machinery"
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"no kid should ever touch."
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"Whoa! That almost hit me, dude!"
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"I know! I should not be around this equipment!"
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"No matter what school you went to,"
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"all shop teachers were cut from the same piece of wood."
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"Ours was Mr. Crosby."
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"And remember... safety first."
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"There's no room for tomfoolery, shenanigans,"
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"or joyful horseplay in this class."
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"And why is that?"
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"ALL: We'll cut off our finger."
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"And why do we always measure twice?"
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"ALL: We'll cut off our finger."
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"And how do we know this to be true?"
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"ALL: You cut off your finger."
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"That's right. I cut off my finger."
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"And this one!"
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"This one they sewed back on, but it doesn't work right."
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"Finger rejected the host."
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"Yep, wood shop was grueling and difficult"
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"and only came naturally to the select few."
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"Check it, Mom. I made a spice rack."
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"Oh, my God,"
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"I was literally just saying this is exactly what I need."
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"Whoo-hoo! Look at you, saving us money!"
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"We can put spices in that."
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"Me, on the other hand..."
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"Hey, Mom, look what I made. It's a doorstop or a bookend."
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"Oh, look. Murray, Adam made a thing."
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"Hoo-hoo! Look at you, saving money on firewood!"
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"That's what it is. A starter log. I feel good about this."
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"Yeah, I guess you could say I didn't nail wood shop."
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"So instead, I used the class to hone my comedic skills."
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"All right. This is a butt joint."
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"See here?"
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"You line up the studs, and then you pound that butt joint"
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"until it locks in tight."
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"Questions?"
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"I got a question."
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"What's the best thing to use to wipe your butt joint?"
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"[LAUGHTER]"
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"He took something wholesome, like a butt joint,"
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"and made it hilarious!"
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"Since we're all in the mood to have a laugh,"
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"why don't you show the class your midterm project?"
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"You've got it, sir."
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"I call it "Really Big Jenga"!"
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"[LAUGHTER]"
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"That's just a bunch of 2x4s you sawed in half and stacked up."
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"You didn't even sand them."
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"Geez, if it's such a big deal, I'll use this thingy"
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"to sand the wood, and then we can play."
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"Nobody's playing Really Big Jenga, Mr. Hardeeharhar!"
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"Give me that wood."
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"- Ohh! - Balls!"
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"Unh! Whoa!"
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"[CLATTER]"
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"Jenga."
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"♪ I'm twisted up inside ♪"
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"♪ But nonetheless, I feel the need to say ♪"
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"♪ I don't know the future ♪"
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"♪ But the past keeps getting clearer every day ♪"
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"It was January 17, 1980-something,"
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"and my sister was going through a true freshman"
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"rite of passage... becoming a pretentious snob."
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"God, it all has to go, Erica. Poison, Madonna, New Kids?"
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"How did I ever buy into all of this top-40, MTV garbage?"
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"I'm actually embarrassed by who we were"
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"before we took Music Deconstruction 101"
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"with Professor Chang-Silverstein."
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"That class has, like, opened my eyes."
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"No, like, my ears."
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"No, like, my mind."
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"Well, get ready to have your mind blown,"
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"because I asked Geoff to get us tickets"
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"to the Avant Garde Music Festival of New York City."
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"Stop, we are actually going to see"
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"Philip Glass and the Tibetan Throat Singers live?"
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"Plus, there's a rumor that Yoko Ono is gonna scream onstage"
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"for a whole hour!"
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"I'm gonna scream from the audience for a whole hour!"
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"I can't believe that our lame-ass R.A."
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"called us "poser freshmen"
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"who are going through a pretentious phase.""
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"These personas we just discovered, like, last week"
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"are, like, who we are and are gonna be"
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"for the rest of our lives."
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"Exactly. I'll never return to who I was."
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"Oh! My baby's back!"
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"Whoa, how long were you standing there waiting?"
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"So long. Come right in."
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"Would anyone like to sample a flight of Hamburger Helpers?"
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"Oh, we're not doing processed foods anymore,"
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"and especially not the kind that have a spokesglove."
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"What's, like, the raddest sushi place you have in Jenkintown?"
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"You like fish?"
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"Uh, well, we have a Long John Silver's."
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"No! Wait! [CHUCKLES]"
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"I've got Tuna Helper right here."
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"Geoff, crack open a can."
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"Hey, Erica, it's me, your boyfriend, Geoff."
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"Oh, he's plating it all wrong."
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"I said "two heaping scoops," Geoff. Two!"
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"Hey, babe, you get the tickets?"
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"You know it. The Hooters, third row."
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"Okay, why would we go see The Hooters?"
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"Um, because it's our hometown's favorite band"
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"and, also, you're, like, the hugest fan ever."
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"Geoff, I specifically left a message for you to get tickets"
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"for the Avant Garde Festival."
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"Right, and I didn't understand what that was,"
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"so I ignored it and got third-row center."
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"I cannot miss this festival, okay?"
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"Yoko Ono is finally gonna free herself from the shadow"
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"of her husband's bubblegum band."
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"You mean... the Beatles?"
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"You know what? It's fine."
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