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Clips from South Park - Are You There God? It's Me, Jesus (S03E03)

"Look, it doesn't matter who it is. The point is that"
South Park
"I think it might clear things up for you."
South Park
"Oooh yeah, yes, yes, baby"
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"Why don't I call you next week?"
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"And that's my song about the menstrual cycle, Stan."
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"Did that clear things up for you?"
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"So what you're saying is"
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"Is that what I said?"
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"and if I can't menstruate, then by God,"
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"I'm not gonna sit around and be the only periodless eight-year-old boy."
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"I'm gonna do something about it!"
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"Whoa, I must have missed a whole middle part there."
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"I can't tell you how excited Rod Stewart is about this millennium concert."
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"He's gotten a little older, but you're gonna see how much he can still rock."
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"Oh, I'm excited, too."
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"so I am gonna have to ask for a bit more cash, but we can talk about that later."
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"Here comes Rod now!"
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"- I pooped my pants. - Oh."
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"Nurse?"
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"Again?"
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"Now, Mr. Stewart, what did we say about trying to hold in Mr. Dookie?"
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"Yes, puberty is a very wonderful thing, Stan."
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"But what happens if there was someone who never went through puberty?"
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"Nobody! I mean, well, my dad."
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"No, and that's why he sent me here."
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"'Cause he's too embarrassed to come himself."
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"And be sure to tell him that his secret is safe with me."
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"Thanks a lot, Dr Mephisto! You're the best!"
South Park
"I just love helping people."
South Park
"Okay, today's word is "spirituality"."
South Park
"Oh look, it's that little boy who hasn't gotten his period yet."
South Park
"Yeah, they make you have your puberty quicker."
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"And I'm just here to tell you"
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"that my puberty is gonna be bigger than any of you guys'."
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"Yeah, you shouldn't force your period, Stan."
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"You should let it come, like the morning dew."
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"Well, we're going with our families to Las Vegas."
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"I guess there'll be some younger kids there, too, if you wanna go."
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"I'm gonna go take some more hormones."
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"Now, the word is spirituality."
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"Quiet, Kenny. The goddess lives in all of us and..."
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"Whoa, dude!"
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"Oh, my God!"
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"What killed him, Doctor?"
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"Apparently, he'd had it up there for several days."
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"It plugged him up until he finally burst from the inside out"
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"like a ruptured septic tank."
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"Oh, my God!"
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"Perhaps the children are all shoving tampons up their ass"
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"because they've seen the Backstreet Boys doing on it TV or something."
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"We must get to the bottom of this,"
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"is presenting Rod Stewart, the undisputed king of pop,"
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"that God himself is going to show up to the event!"
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"- What? - How about you, ma'am?"
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"Of course he is!"
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"This is Jesus we're talking about!"
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"He wouldn't let us down!"
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"Are you there, God?"
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"Hello?"
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"Wake up, honey, it's time to leave for Las Vegas!"
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"Whoa, dude, I've got boobs!"
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"Hey, Las Vegas is a pretty cool place for us mature people."
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"Father in Heaven, please let tonight's show go well."
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"Did you get your period yet, Stan?"
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"No, I didn't but..."
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"Don't worry, you'll get it some day. Come on, Kyle."
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"We've got about four hours to the New Year"
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"and so I think it's time to start it up!"
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"Ladies and gentlemen, here he is."
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"Oh, pooped 'em."
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"Yeah!"
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"All right, enough of this!"
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"Bring out God!"
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"- Yeah! - Oh, no."
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"We want God!"
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"We want God!"
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"Please, Father, do something!"
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"Folks, I'm afraid God can't make it tonight."
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"This is the worst New Year's ever!"
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"Thanks a lot, Jesus!"
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"Let's get him!"
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"Everyone is so outraged"
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"that they are building a large cross"
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"in which to once again crucify our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ."
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"He's gonna let me be crucified again."
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"doesn't mean he doesn't care about you."
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"Well then why didn't he give me what I wanted?"
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"What do you mean?"
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"If God answered all our prayers,"
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"then there'd be no point in our existence."
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"That's why he wouldn't show up to my New Year's party!"
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"I was overcome with my new popularity,"
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"Look! I can see him!"
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"Now look upon me, my children, and know me."
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"He is the Alpha and the Omega."
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"The beginning and the end."
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"What did you expect me to look like, my son?"
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"Since it is the end of the first 2,000 years,"
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"- One question? - Only one?"
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"- What should we ask him? - We have to think carefully!"
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""What's the meaning of life?" Or "Why are we here?""
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"Boys do not get periods."
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"because of an acute colon infection."
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"but you will never have a period because you are a man, with titties."
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"I'm not even supposed to have my period!"
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"That's why God wasn't answering me before!"
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"And never brought to mind?"
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"Should auld acquaintance be forgot"
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"For auld lang syne, my dear"
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"You know, down there."
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"is one happening in South Park, Colorado"
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"and hundreds if not thousands of people"
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"Looks like the little fella is a bit nervous,"
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"What are you people doing?"
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"and he thinks he's too grown up to hang out with us"
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"What is it, my child?"
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"I can't be the last one to get it, I just can't."
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"Dude, doesn't that hurt?"
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"You guys! I got my period, too!"
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"I don't want to be the only kid who doesn't get his period"
South Park
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