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Clips from South Park - Are You There God? It's Me, Jesus (S03E03)

"and suddenly give you everything you want."
South Park
"That takes all the living out of life."
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"Life is about problems,"
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"and growing and learning from obstacles."
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"- I just wanted my period. - I get it now, Father!"
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"I had to learn all this on my own."
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"and I let pride get in the way of good judgement."
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"Whoa, what is that?"
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"- It's Dad. - God?"
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"Be ye not afraid."
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"Blessed art thou, my children."
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"I will allow you, my children, to ask me one question."
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"Now you have to answer me once and for all!"
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"Your friends were bleeding a little bit out of their asses"
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"And your friend Kyle simply lied about it."
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"Hey, wait! That doesn't count as our question, does it?"
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"Boy, I'm sure glad everything worked out okay."
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"Should auld acquaintance be forgot"
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"- For auld lang syne... - Let's get him!"
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"Dude, what are we gonna do for New Year's Eve? It has to be awesome."
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"I know, it's probably gonna be the biggest night of our lives!"
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"You guys! You guys!"
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"- Guess what? - What, fat ass?"
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"- How do you know? - Well, because yesterday"
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"and nature starts to take its course"
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"You're making that up!"
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"Ms Allerton! What's it mean to get a period?"
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"- Well, boys, I don't think I can tell you. - Please, it's important."
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"Well, it's when puberty hits and you bleed."
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"Holy..., dude, Cartman's right!"
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"Dude, Cartman can't hit puberty before us!"
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"Well, maybe we'll get ours soon, too!"
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"I'm gonna go see if I'm bleeding out my ass."
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"In local news, a stomach virus is going around"
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"and that the infections can be dealt with, with simple antibiotics."
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"Well, it's just four days until New Years Eve 1999!"
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"By dancing, singing and killing one another."
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"where people have gathered for a chance to see Jesus Christ."
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"- Craig Netzel is standing by. - Thanks, Tom!"
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"It is indeed four days until the new millennium"
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"have come from all over the world seeking Jesus"
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"because as we all know,"
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"Oh, it looks like Jesus might be coming out!"
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"Oh, look, Tommy! There he is!"
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"Everyone is very quiet here, Tom."
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"- Yeah. - Yeah. Right!"
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"Yeah, you are supposed to know."
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"Yeah, you're Jesus. How does it go?"
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"- It's the year 2000 for Christ's sake! - Yeah!"
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"Well, what do you want?"
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"We want to see God."
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"- Yeah, with our own eyes. - Yeah!"
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"We've followed blindly for thousands of years"
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"I don't know, is that good or not?"
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"- Hello? - Dude, did you get your period yet?"
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"Mine neither. But I double checked"
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"Yeah."
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"- You did? - You got your period, too, Kenny?"
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"Well, welcome to the club, Kenny."
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"But first, you need to buy some Maxi pads"
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"to stuff in the back of your pants so you don't get blood on your underwear."
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"Tom, it looked for a second as if Jesus was going to come out of his house"
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"but meanwhile, more and more people"
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"are showing up to show their support for Jesus."
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"Well, the way I see it,"
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"if he really is who he says he is,"
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"well then, he'd better do something on New Year's Eve 'cause it's in the Bible!"
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"Please, Father, appear to me."
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"Father, everyone is starting to pay attention to me again"
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"It's the millennium, Father."
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"Nay, their eyes are not yet prepared to see the likes of me."
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"Be ye careful of pride, Jesus."
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"But if you want to earn everyone's love, you will have to do it yourself."
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"Cartman got his, then Kenny."
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"I might not even get to be their friend any more!"
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"It's not really lying, it's just jumping the gun a little!"
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"Thanks a lot, Ike!"
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"So you guys aren't going to spend New Year's Eve with us?"
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"Look, Kenny and I are mature now."
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"- Wow, cool! - You did?"
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"and then I perioded all over the place."
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"and I'm finding out all about our goddess powers!"
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"We can set up everything in my clubhouse"
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"If you wouldn't mind"
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"Thanks, God. Your friend, Stan."
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"because I just made a few phone calls"
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"and I'm gonna put on the most amazing"
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"New Year's spectacle this world has ever seen!"
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"until the new millennium!"
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"Damn it! Damn it, damn it, damn it!"
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"I'm not bleeding out of my ass!"
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"Are you there, God? It's me, Stan."
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"How come you didn't help me?"
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"Here he comes!"
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"He's coming out!"
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"I have given it much thought, my children, and you are right."
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"it does indeed say that something"
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"I have spoken to my father in heaven"
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"And ye who believe in me shall be rewarded!"
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"New Year's Eve 1999..."
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"We just got Rod Stewart to agree"
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"We knew you could do it, Jesus!"
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"For he is Lord"
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"He gives me hope when"
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"And he lifts me up with his gentle arms"
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"Okay, is everyone accounted for?"
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"- Goddess Wind? - Here!"
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"Goddess Moon?"
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"And I am here. Goddess Earthly Delights."
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"We're supposed to talk about our periods and boys."
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"I think Clyde is kind of cool."
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"Okay, that settles that."
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"My period is going swimmingly."
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"Okay, that makes sense. Mine's going swimmingly, too."
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"- Why bad? - Can I come in?"
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"Now, what's the matter, little cracker?"
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"Chef, I have this friend, see"
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"and this person is really bummed out"
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"and this person hasn't."
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"- No. - Your little girlfriend Wendy?"
South Park
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