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Clips from South Park - Are You There God? It's Me, Jesus (S03E03)

"I've become a man! I started puberty, you guys!"
South Park
"I got my period!"
South Park
"by having you bleed out your ass for a few days every month."
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"I got my period and you guys didn't!"
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"that is causing bleeding of the colon in some small children."
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"Doctors are telling parents that the virus is nothing to worry about"
South Park
"The new millennium is almost upon us"
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"But probably the biggest event of the millennium"
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"here at his house in South Park."
South Park
"Everyone is giddy with anticipation for Jesus to come out"
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"if Jesus comes out of his house and is not scared by his shadow,"
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"it means the next thousand years will be full of peace and love!"
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"This is great news for us!"
South Park
"So? What happens at the millennium?"
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"- I don't know! - We thought you did."
South Park
"Oh."
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"Well... Yea, believe in me and ye shall find peace."
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"Yeah, yeah, yeah! We've heard that crap for about 2,000 years now,"
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"we wanna hear something new!"
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"and we think the least God can do is show up for New Year's Eve 1999!"
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"Yeah!"
South Park
"and Cartman was right, your period is the start of puberty."
South Park
"Well, if Cartman's the only one who gets it"
South Park
"Come on, Cartman! We have to make plans for New Year's!"
South Park
"Let's see..."Offers complete protection during heavy flow...""
South Park
"This one's got wings, you guys!"
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"You got your period, so now you're a man!"
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"but then he went back inside,"
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"because of the new millennium!"
South Park
"Yea, like John Travolta before you, you are experiencing a second revival."
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"But, Dad, I think this may be my one big shot at a comeback!"
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"Just make an appearance."
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"I am sorry, my son."
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"Ike, can I talk to you?"
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"And I don't think I am."
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"Yeah! I could just say I got my period!"
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"It's not like they'll check!"
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"Did you get your Maxi pads, Kenny?"
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"Yeah, I was just hanging out in my room"
South Park
"All right!"
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"You have to be in me and Kenny's club, then!"
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"My mom gave me this"
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"- Awesome, we get powers? - Yeah, come on!"
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"and get ready for New Year's Eve!"
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"Hey, don't feel bad, Stan."
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"Some of us just mature a little later than others."
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"Are you there, God? It's me, Stan."
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"Could you speed up my development a little?"
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"I'm 2,000 years old but I feel like I'm 28 again."
South Park
"Good morning, South Park!"
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"No it's not, it's terrible."
South Park
"I know you're really busy with things,"
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"If I don't get my period"
South Park
"my friends won't let me hang out with them on New Year's Eve."
South Park
"and he agreed that the millennium is significant to all of us."
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"So what we're gonna do, tomorrow night,"
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"and you're all going!"
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"Well, I better book my ass a flight to Vegas!"
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"I have only been bored"
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"Goddess Moon?"
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"I think Craig is pretty cool"
South Park
"Now let's talk about our periods."
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"Kyle, you first."
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"- What's the matter, Kyle? - Nothing."
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"- Oh, hello, Stan! - Hey, Chef."
South Park
"Well, sure."
South Park
"everyone else got their period and this person hasn't."
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"Yeah, Cartman told us."
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"Yeah baby, yeah baby, now baby"
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"Yeah, yeah, yeah, uh-huh baby"
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"Oh! Oh, no!"
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"Ew, baby, no!"
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"Aw! No, I'm all right, I'm cool, it's okay."
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"I'll tell you what..."
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"How about..."
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"But it's not fair!"
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"It's not fair that one day you're on top,"
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"you're the coolest kid in town and then the next day"
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"blood coming out their ass but you"
South Park
"I think it will bring my Father's children back to their faith"
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"Yeah, and you know Rod is a seasoned veteran,"
South Park
"- Hey, Rod, great to see you! - Ow!"
South Park
"the best New Year's bash ever!"
South Park
"- Poo pants. - What?"
South Park
"- Poo pants. - "Poo pants"?"
South Park
"Mr. Stewart has apparently pooped his pants."
South Park
"Well, I can't say that I blame him."
South Park
"So, do you know anything that can help him?"
South Park
"Well, I should think the most logical solution would be hormones."
South Park
"Hormones?"
South Park
"Yes, tell your father to take just one of these pills every week."
South Park
"My pleasure."
South Park
"we're supposed to reach into this little dish and pull out a word."
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"- I've started taking hormones! - Hormones?"
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"So what are we gonna do for New Year's?"
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"I believe that the goddess in me is my spirituality because..."
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"- Mr. and Mrs. McCormick? - Yes?"
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"I'm sorry, we couldn't save your son."
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"My little Kenny's gone!"
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"I can't believe it!"
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"We just didn't get to him in time. There was nothing we could do."
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"My worry is that he could have been following some kind of crazy new fad."
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"I've got to catch a plane to Las Vegas to see the Rod Stewart millennium show."
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"Rod Stewart's gonna be in Vegas?"
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"Tom, I'm here live in Las Vegas"
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"right here at this hotel behind me."
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"Everyone is very excited, because rumour has it"
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"Do you think God is going to show up tomorrow night?"
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"Father, will you please reconsider and show up tomorrow?"
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"All right, people, are we ready to rock the millennium?"
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"Have I missed anything?"
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"Well, I tell you one thing, I sure as heck am excited!"
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"As promised, Mr. Rod "Do-You-Think-I'm-Sexy" Stewart!"
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"This sucks balls!"
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"We want God!"
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"We want God!"
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"We came all the way to Las Vegas for this?"
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"He hates me more. He doesn't answer my prayers."
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"I prayed to him every day. And he never answered me."
South Park
"Well, yeah, but just because God doesn't answer your prayers"
South Park
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