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Clips from The Simpsons - The Two Mrs. Nahasapeemapetilons (S09E09)

"- [Excited Murmuring] - Sounds pretty good to me."
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"Um, I run my own business, of course."
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"- Well. - Well, now."
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"and then to have a discussion about where it could be placed in a room."
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"- [Excited Chattering] - Get this man. He's wonderful!"
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"You better have enough left to pay my alimony, Luann."
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"- 300. - 350."
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"926."
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"- Holy moly! - Wow. Look who's the ladies' man."
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"Come on. l- [Giggling]"
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"must be skilled in the deadly arts."
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"Ooh. That date will not be easy to top."
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"- But we shall see. - [Honks]"
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"Why don't you try and stop me?"
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"[Tires Screeching]"
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"Well, it gets a little bit personal here."
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"I understand. Yoink!"
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"- Wow. - I know."
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"- Whoa. - Tell me about it."
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"Oh. Here's one from my mother."
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"Don't get me started on lotus flowers."
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"No. No, it is the sign that it is time for my arranged marriage."
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"Oh, well, congratulations."
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"No, no, no. Don't you know what it means?"
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"It all happened shortly after my eighth birthday."
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"Okay, here we go."
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"##[Harp Glissando]"
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"You call that a dowry?"
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"but only because Manjula's getting on in years."
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"Then it is agreed. Your third daughter will marry our first son."
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"It is done."
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"Oh. I cannot get married. I am just beginning to enjoy my bachelorhood."
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"Tell her the truth. You're not ready to get married."
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"Then get married. What the hell do you want from me?"
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"Yes, that is right, Mother. I already got married."
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"Oh. Well, I guess l- I didn't think you'd understand."
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"It worked. The lie has set me free!"
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"##[Continues]"
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"##[Continues]"
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"$500!"
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"Apu, wake up!"
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"I wanna buy a Yodel and this lottery ticket."
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"I'm sorry. You do not have enough for both."
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"[Whimpering] Oh. Oh. Oh."
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"- [Rings] - [Yawns]"
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"- Late night, huh? - I'm not the type to kiss and tell, sir."
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"But listen to this."
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"- [Vehicle Door Opens] - Whoa!"
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"- Oh, you dog. - It is my mother!"
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"Oh, no. Oh, no. What am I going to do?"
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"- What's the big problem? - But don't you see? She is here to meet my wife."
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"The wife that I told her I had."
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"- I do not have a wife! - Then maybe you shouldn't have told her you did."
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"Oh! She's going to be here any second."
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"[Groans]"
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"[Whimpers] Homer, you've got to help me."
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"What you oughta do is, um-"
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"What, what? What, what, what?"
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"Well, you could always move into my house..."
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"Is it me, or do your plans always involve some horrible web of lies?"
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"Welcome to the Kwik-E-Mart. May I help-"
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"What are you doing here?"
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"And meet her you shall."
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"- in a timely and efficient- - Let's go!"
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"Oh, crap! I forgot!"
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"Marge, I need a small favor."
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"For the next few days, will you pretend to be Apu's wife?"
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"What?"
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"[Whimpering]"
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"mmm, Marge."
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"Hello. So, what brings you to America?"
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"Ah. Here I am."
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"Okay. Gotta run. Apu, I'm sure you wanna get upstairs and fix that broken toilet..."
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"Thank you. And having met you..."
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"let me say how deeply, deeply disappointed I am."
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"Apu, your arranged bride, Manjula, is a sweet, refined, chaste woman."
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"- Are you nuts? - Mother, come on."
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"Oh, Bart and Lisa."
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"- Oh. - Oh."
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"I had two grandchildren."
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"We're scammir an old lady at my house, and I need a place to hide out."
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"Abraham Simpson."
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"Cornelius Talmadge."
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"The pink ones keep ya from screamir."
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"- [Tinkling] - All right, folks. It's suppertime."
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"- Supper at 4:00? Whoo-hoo! What a sweet deal. - [Reople Chattering]"
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"Hey. They got chairs with wheels."
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"And here I am using my legs like a sucker."
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"Right. How much longer is she going to be here?"
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"She really, truly hates you."
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"Can you see out of it? Does it change colors when you're ticked off?"
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"- You tell me. - Nothing yet."
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"Surely you children are aware of your Brahman heritage?"
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"Yes. Yes, we are."
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"Jasper. Gladys. Beatrice."
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"Hester. Emile. Prudence. Lemuel."
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"- [Bell Tinkling] - [Orderly] Suppertime."
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"- Oh, no, you don't. - Oh, yes, I do."
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"Oh, yeah? Eat my dust!"
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"- Wow. Someone sure likes his kidney mush. - Damn right."
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"- I can't suck just one. - [Buzzes]"
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"What do you have to do to get turned around here?"
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"[Grunts] A respirator. It breathes for him."
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"And here I am using my own lungs like a sucker."
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"And how come everyone gets a bedpan..."
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"and I have to walk all the way over there?"
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"- You mean there? - Yeah."
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"Hello. I'm Cornelius Talmadge."
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"but I broke free and went on a bit of a bender."
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"Wait a minute. If you're Cornelius Talmadge, then who's-"
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"It's like being a baby, only you're old enough to appreciate it."
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"Well, I'm glad you were having fun..."
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"because I've had my hands full with Apu's mother."
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"Oh, right, right."
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"The fake marriage thing. How's that going?"
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"- [Door Opens] - Okay, Apu."
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"Oh, my God."
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"Marge! How could you?"
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"Oh, Apu, give it up."
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"He lied to his mother. Tsk, tsk, tsk."
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