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Clips from Friends - The One with the Dozen Lasagnas (S01E01)

"CAROL: It really is. Ha, ha."
Friends
"Do we know?"
Friends
"- We certainly do. It's going to be a... - Hey, hey!"
Friends
"Ho, ho! Hello?"
Friends
"See, a guy who doesn't wanna know standing right here."
Friends
"- Mm-hm. - Aah!"
Friends
"What?"
Friends
"Okay, what did we think it' was gonna be? No, no, no."
Friends
"I don't want to know. Don't want to know. Okay."
Friends
"You know, I should probably just go."
Friends
"- Well, thanks for the books. - No problem. Okay."
Friends
"Susan."
Friends
"All right, who should we call first? Your folks or Deb and Rhona?"
Friends
"[DOOR BUZZER]"
Friends
"Hello?"
Friends
"ROSS [OVER INTERCOM]: Uh..."
Friends
"Okay, so just because it was my table, I have to buy a new one?"
Friends
"That's the rule."
Friends
"What rule? There's no rule."
Friends
"If anything, you owe me a table."
Friends
"- How did you get there? - I believe this piece of furniture was fine..."
Friends
"...until your little breakfast adventure with Angela Delveccio."
Friends
"You knew about that?"
Friends
"The impressions you made in the butter..."
Friends
"...left little to the imagination."
Friends
"Okay, okay. How about if we split it?"
Friends
"What do you mean, like, buy it together?"
Friends
"Yeah."
Friends
"- Why not? - Well, it's just a big commitment."
Friends
"I mean, what if one of us wants to move out?"
Friends
"- Why, are you moving out? - I'm not moving out."
Friends
"You'd tell me if you were moving out, right?"
Friends
"- Yes, it's just that, with my last roommate... - Oh, I know all about Kip."
Friends
"We bought a hibachi together, and then he ran off and got married..."
Friends
"...and things got pretty ugly."
Friends
"So let me ask you something."
Friends
"Was Kip a better roommate than me?"
Friends
"Oh, don't do that."
Friends
"You've got a couple changes in your schedule."
Friends
"And Ms. Summerfield canceled her 5:30 shiatsu."
Friends
"Oh. Here comes your 3:00."
Friends
"I don't mean to sound unprofessional, but, yum."
Friends
"[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]"
Friends
"Oh. Paolo. Hi. What are you doing here?"
Friends
"Uh, Rachella tell me you..."
Friends
"...massage?"
Friends
"Yeah, well, Rachella's right. Yeah."
Friends
"[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]"
Friends
"Oh."
Friends
"Uh, I am, uh..."
Friends
"Um, that's really your decision."
Friends
"I mean, some people prefer, you know, to take off..."
Friends
"Ooh, oops! Being naked."
Friends
"I can't believe you don't want to know. I mean, I could not know."
Friends
"I mean, if the doctor knows, and Carol knows, and Susan knows..."
Friends
"And Monica knows."
Friends
"Heh. How could you? I don't even know."
Friends
"Carol called to thank me for the lasagna. I asked. She told me."
Friends
"So, what's it going to be?"
Friends
"Huh? Oh, great. Now he knows and I don't know."
Friends
"I'm sorry. I'm just excited about being an aunt."
Friends
"Or an uncle."
Friends
"Fine."
Friends
"- Phoebe, what's the matter? - Nothing. I'm sorry."
Friends
"I'm just... I'm out of sorts."
Friends
"Oh, right. That's me."
Friends
"Fine."
Friends
"- You know Paolo? - I'm familiar with his work, yes."
Friends
"Look, he made a move on me."
Friends
"- Whoa. The store will be open tomorrow. - More coffee over here, please."
Friends
"Well, what happened?"
Friends
"Well, he came in for a massage..."
Friends
"[GROUP GROANING]"
Friends
"- My God. - Are you sure?"
Friends
"Oh, yeah. I'm sure."
Friends
"And all of a sudden, his hands weren't the problem anymore."
Friends
"Was it?"
Friends
"- "Ooh," what? - Ma Thurman."
Friends
"Uma Thurman!"
Friends
"Thanks, Rach."
Friends
"You have to tell her. It's your moral obligation as a friend..."
Friends
"...as a woman. I think it's a feminist issue. Guys? Guys?"
Friends
"Oh, yeah, you have to tell her."
Friends
"Feminist issue? That's where I went."
Friends
"She is gonna hate me."
Friends
"Yeah, well."
Friends
"Here, how about that one?"
Friends
"That's patio furniture."
Friends
"So what? Like people are gonna come in and think, "Uh-oh, I'm outside again.""
Friends
"What about the birds?"
Friends
"I don't know. Birds just don't say:"
Friends
""Hello, sit here. Eat something.""
Friends
"You pick one."
Friends
"How about the ladybugs?"
Friends
"Oh, so forget about the birds, but big red insects suggest fine dining?"
Friends
"Fine. Do you want the birds? Get the birds."
Friends
"Not like that, I won't."
Friends
"Kip would've liked the birds."
Friends
"- Hey. - Hi, Pheebs."
Friends
"Are you moving out?"
Friends
"No, these aren't all of my suitcases."
Friends
"This one's Paolo's."
Friends
"Um..."
Friends
"Um, Rachel, can we talk for a sec?"
Friends
"Well, sure. Just for a sec, though..."
Friends
"...because Paolo's on his way over. - Oh."
Friends
"Okay. Um..."
Friends
"Okay."
Friends
"Um..."
Friends
"- Oh, Pheebs... - Um, okay."
Friends
"Um, ahem. We haven't known each other for that long a time."
Friends
"And, um, there are three things that you should know about me."
Friends
"One, my friends are the most important thing in my life."
Friends
"Two, I never lie."
Friends
"And three, I make the best oatmeal-raisin cookies in the world."
Friends
"Mm, my God."
Friends
"Why have I never tasted these before?"
Friends
"Oh, I don't make them a lot..."
Friends
"...because I don't think it's fair to the other cookies."
Friends
"Ahem, God."
Friends
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