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Clips from The Simpsons - Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy (S05E05)

"[ Gasps ] Live from the Improv Stacy's only 89 cents."
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"[ Both ] Ew!"
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"Hey, mister. What's in the box?"
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"- [ Screaming ] Get him! - Help! Mr. Weiss!"
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"Mm, I don't know if it's a good idea to do that while you're driving."
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"Marge, that's what I bought it for."
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"[ Imitating Engine, Firing Weapons ]"
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"- Hey! Watch it with that thing! - [ Missile Firing ]"
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"Why didn't you get something useful, like storm windows?"
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"Or a nice pipe organ?"
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"I'm thirsty. Ooh, what smells like mustard?"
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"There sure are a lot of ugly people in your neighborhood."
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"Ooh! Look at that one! Oh, my glaucoma just got worse."
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"The president is a demi-crat.!"
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"- [ Turns On TV] - [ Whimpers ]"
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"- [ Screams ] - [ Bangs, Rings ]"
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"Why are you people avoiding me?"
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"Does my withered face remind you of the grim specter of death?"
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"But... you're a weird, sore-headed old crank, and nobody likes you!"
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"Consarn it!"
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"I guess I am an old crank."
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"" [ Rock ]"
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"One sip and I'm totally hip!"
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"[ Announcer ] Buzz Cola. There's a little boogie in every bottle."
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"Holy smokes! That's it!"
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"From now on, I'm thinkin', actin' and lookin' young."
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"And I'm gonna start with a bottle of Buzz Cola."
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"Ow! Ooh. Water! Water!"
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"A hush falls over the general assembly..."
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"as Stacy approaches the podium..."
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"to deliver what will no doubt be a stirring and memorable address."
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"I wish they taught shopping in school!"
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"Ohh."
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"Let's bake some cookies for the boys!"
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"- Right on! Say it, sister. - It's not funny, Bart."
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"Millions of girls will grow up thinking that this is the right way to act."
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"and spend all day on the phone with their equally vacuous friends..."
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"-Just what I was gonna say. - [ Growls, Grunts ]"
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"[ Screaming, Grunting ]"
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"Hey. This ain't so bad."
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"[ Groaning ] Don't you people see anything wrong with what Malibu Stacy says?"
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"Oh, there's something wrong with what my Stacy says."
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"[ Male Voice ] My Spidey sense is tingling. Anybody call for a web-slinger?"
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"No, Celeste. I mean, the things she says are sexist."
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"- [ All Giggling ] - Lisa said a dirty word!"
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"- [ Groans ] - [ Chomping, Swallowing ]"
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"They cannot keep making dolls like this."
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"Something has to be done!"
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"[ Swallowing ] Lisa, ordinarily I'd say you should stand up for what you believe in."
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"But you've been doing that an awful lot lately."
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"Yeah. You made us march in that Gay Rights Parade."
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"as your daughters grow up in a world where this-- this is their role model."
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"I had a Malibu Stacy when I was little, and I turned out all right."
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"Now let's forget our troubles with a big bowl of strawberry ice cream."
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"Now let's forget our troubles with a big bowl of strawberry ice cream!"
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"[ Recorded Male Voice ] Hello, you have reached the Malibu Stacy..."
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"Customer Service Center."
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"If you've given Malibu Stacy a haircut and need to order a replacement head, press two."
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"- For information on our factory tour, press three. - Mom!"
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"We could go on the factory tour, and I could complain in person."
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"Honey, you're not going to throw red paint at the executives, are you?"
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"The Keebler people were very upset."
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"Welcome to Enchantment Lane, where all the parts come together..."
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"Aw, crap. There's a clog in the torso chute!"
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"Leroy! Get your ass in gear."
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"- Shut your hole. [ Grunting ] - [ Rattling ]"
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"[ Announcer ] Malibu Stacy, America's favorite eight-and-a-half-incher."
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"In 1 959, homemaker Stacy Lavelle had a design and a dream."
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"The design? Malibu Stacy."
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"A second, plastic Malibu Stacy took America by storm."
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"at StacyCon '94, at the San Diego Airport Hilton."
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"and millions of friends worldwide?"
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"Don't ask me. I'm just a girl! [ Giggles ]"
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"Well, that's the tour."
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"- Yes? - Is the remarkably sexist drivel spouted by Malibu Stacy..."
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"intentional, or is it just a horrible mistake?"
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"[ Chuckles ] Believe me, we're very mindful of such concerns."
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"[ Stops Chuckling ]"
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"It's awful bein' a kid. No one listens to ya."
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"I'm a white male, aged 1 8 to 49."
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"Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are."
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"- [ Chewing Noisily ] - But I'm not gonna accomplish anything just sitting here--"
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"- and see if I can get her to-- - come out of retirement!"
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"I'm gonna get me a job! A real Malibu..."
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"and see if Stacy... can help..."
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"invent... me..."
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"young-- Help!"
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"- [ Radio Static ] - Come in? Come in!"
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"Mayday! I'm losing your transmission!"
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"Do we sell French... fries?"
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"I thought you might be able to help me get in touch with the inventor of Malibu Stacy."
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"Stacy Lavelle is a total recluse."
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"She hasn't appeared in public in 20 years."
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"- I'll, uh, print you out a copy. - Thanks."
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"You're quite good... at turning... me on."
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"Um, you probably should ignore that."
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"- [ Buzzing ] - Excuse me. Miss Lavelle?"
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"I'd like to talk to you about Malibu Stacy?"
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"Do you have any idea how many kids have tried to track me down?"
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"I want you to hear what Malibu Stacy is telling a generation of little girls."
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"I see exactly what you mean. This is a problem."
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"- But what do you expect me to do? - Change what she says."
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"- It's your company. - [ Scoffs ] Not since I was forced out in 1 97 4."
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"They said my way of thinking just wasn't cost-effective."
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"- That's awful! - Well, that, and..."
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"I'd be mortified if someone ever made a lousy product with the Simpson name on it."
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"but 30 years of living her lifestyle taught me some very harsh lessons."
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"Five husbands: Ken,Johnny,Joe..."
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"But if you can learn from Malibu Stacy's mistakes, so can everyone."
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"- Come on! - Not now. I'm... too drunk."
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"No, you're not!"
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"[ Slurping, Swallowing ]"
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"Uh, I'll come back tomorrow."
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"We need some more secret sauce! Put this mayonnaise in the sun."
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"Hey! Now that Old Man Peterson's off our backs, let's have some fun!"
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"[ Muffled ] Ever see a sandwich that could take a bite outta you?"
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"[ Laughing ] Look at the sandwich!"
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"It's gonna bite you!"
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"I've got the solution."
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"You and I are gonna make our own talking doll."
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