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Clips from M*A*S*H - Cowboy (S01E01)

"— Move! — Over my dead body."
M*A*S*H
"— I dare you. — Now, listen, Frank——"
M*A*S*H
"| havejust completed three straight days ofsurgery without rest,"
M*A*S*H
"and this nurse and I are going out and do some nature study."
M*A*S*H
"What‘s going on here? What is all the gaff?"
M*A*S*H
"— Colonel Blake, this man is about to pilferyourjeep. — Is that right, McIntyre?"
M*A*S*H
"No, sir, Iwas not pilfering."
M*A*S*H
"Listen, haven‘tI got enough problems without your——"
M*A*S*H
"Now, I assume you have a good reason for wanting thejeep."
M*A*S*H
"— He has not. — I‘m talking to him."
M*A*S*H
"—Sir? —No!"
M*A*S*H
"— McIntyre—— — Look, Henry."
M*A*S*H
"It‘s my curve ball. It‘s hangin‘. Won‘t come in over the plate."
M*A*S*H
"This here‘s my pitching coach."
M*A*S*H
"She may not look it,"
M*A*S*H
"— Nurse, out. “Disenjeep.” - Hold it!"
M*A*S*H
"I am not running a personal taxi service."
M*A*S*H
"— Knock it off, Burns. — Sir."
M*A*S*H
"Police that butt, soldier."
M*A*S*H
"— Sir, you wanna sign this? — I don‘t wanna sign anything. You sign it."
M*A*S*H
"I‘ll sign that."
M*A*S*H
"—Comfy? — Hey, you got a minute, Henry?"
M*A*S*H
"Oh, yeah, I got a lot ofminutes,"
M*A*S*H
"Ah—ah—ah. Don‘t get up."
M*A*S*H
"Let mejust pretend thatyou’re in charge ofthis nut house."
M*A*S*H
"— I got a problem. —Who is she?"
M*A*S*H
"Cowboy‘s X—ray."
M*A*S*H
"I thinkwe should give him a ticket stateside."
M*A*S*H
"It doesn‘t look all that serious."
M*A*S*H
"Well, who doesn‘t?"
M*A*S*H
"I left a going practice and a wife with a fistful ofcredit cards."
M*A*S*H
"Come on, Henry, show me there‘s a heart under that dirty T—shirt."
M*A*S*H
"Not this time, Pierce."
M*A*S*H
"Well, I don‘t remember the draft board promising any of us a lot oflaughs."
M*A*S*H
"Then your final word is no?"
M*A*S*H
"Either that or good—bye."
M*A*S*H
"[ Liquid Pouring]"
M*A*S*H
"What are you doing here?"
M*A*S*H
"Catching up on my sulking."
M*A*S*H
"One for this afternoon, and one tonight—— the season‘s first doubleheader."
M*A*S*H
"Took away my wheels."
M*A*S*H
"Taste that."
M*A*S*H
"— Hejust turned me down on letting Cowboy go home. — He‘s going sour on us."
M*A*S*H
"This place is eating away his brain,"
M*A*S*H
"which, I grant you, is only an hors d‘oeuvre."
M*A*S*H
"Okay, Henry, you may have the honor."
M*A*S*H
"Um,which way is the course?"
M*A*S*H
"This is the first hole."
M*A*S*H
"It‘s a par 29."
M*A*S*H
"The mine fields are out of bounds on the left,"
M*A*S*H
"[Clears Throat]"
M*A*S*H
"Nice ball."
M*A*S*H
"— Ball‘s okay. — Yeah."
M*A*S*H
"Swing‘s a little strange, but the ball looked good."
M*A*S*H
"Oh, me."
M*A*S*H
"Very nice, Henry. Very good."
M*A*S*H
"Well, what do you think I oughta use from here?"
M*A*S*H
"Uh, Ho—jon, give me the two wood, please."
M*A*S*H
"[Gunshot]"
M*A*S*H
"What the hell was that?"
M*A*S*H
"I don‘t know, but you‘ll have to take a stroke."
M*A*S*H
"I don‘t see anything."
M*A*S*H
"Coming from the camp?"
M*A*S*H
"No, no, I‘ll concede the hole, and the game,"
M*A*S*H
"We can leave. I got ‘em."
M*A*S*H
"[Fizzing]"
M*A*S*H
"[Sighs]"
M*A*S*H
"— [ Nurse] Oh, no! — [ Murmuring]"
M*A*S*H
"Colonel."
M*A*S*H
"— What happened? —[Man]Come on, move over."
M*A*S*H
"What‘d he say?"
M*A*S*H
"Jeep... tent... through."
M*A*S*H
"Ajeep must‘ve rolled loose and broke through his tent."
M*A*S*H
"Jeep... tent... crash... kill."
M*A*S*H
"Jeep, crash, kill. Yes, sir."
M*A*S*H
"—Jeep. Tent. —Jeep ? Tent ?"
M*A*S*H
"—Through. Kill. —Through, kill. Yes, sir."
M*A*S*H
"— Tent... boom... crash... kill. — Tent boom. Yes, sir."
M*A*S*H
"Would you translate that, please ?"
M*A*S*H
"You wouldn’t be the first man in the army who tried to kill his commanding officer"
M*A*S*H
"Steady, Henry. Your glue is melting."
M*A*S*H
"And what about tonight? Where were you tonight when that jeep went through my quarters?"
M*A*S*H
"—When the what went through your where? —He was right here."
M*A*S*H
"Oh, yeah ? Andjust where is “here“?"
M*A*S*H
"Oh. This here here?"
M*A*S*H
"Henry. Henry."
M*A*S*H
"Areyou all right?"
M*A*S*H
"—Boom. Crash. —Okay,just come over here and lie down."
M*A*S*H
"— Does Henry have an enemy? — Doesn‘t sound like the work ofa friend."
M*A*S*H
"We‘d better keep an eye on him."
M*A*S*H
"— Now ? — I don‘t think he‘s got a later. Come on."
M*A*S*H
"Radar."
M*A*S*H
"Radar?"
M*A*S*H
"[ Phone Rings]"
M*A*S*H
"— Hello? — It‘s me, Colonel."
M*A*S*H
"— Who ? — Radar."
M*A*S*H
"Radar, sir."
M*A*S*H
"— Where are you? — Uh, here, sir, in your outer office."
M*A*S*H
"Well, what—— what are you——"
M*A*S*H
"What are you doing out there ?"
M*A*S*H
"—Yes, sir. —We||, bring ‘em in sol can sign ‘em."
M*A*S*H
"Yes, sir. Good—bye, sir."
M*A*S*H
"- [Click] — G—— Good—bye."
M*A*S*H
"[ Rapid Clicking]"
M*A*S*H
"[Rings]"
M*A*S*H
"Yeah ?"
M*A*S*H
"Mmm,wi|l that be all, sir?"
M*A*S*H
"Woodward."
M*A*S*H
"— Nurse Baker. — Thankyou."
M*A*S*H
"Pierce."
M*A*S*H
"Mulcahy."
M*A*S*H
"— Goldstein. — [ Goldstein ] Yeah!"
M*A*S*H
"And 5 ulli i/an."
M*A*S*H
"Don‘t worry. It‘ll get here."
M*A*S*H
"One week, she ain‘t written."
M*A*S*H
"You‘re welcome to mine. It‘s an invitation to a great party—— last month."
M*A*S*H
"She‘s probably off with some rodeo rider."
M*A*S*H
"I could shoot the eyes out ofa rattler at 50 feet going at a full gallop."
M*A*S*H
"T—That‘s far enough, sir."
M*A*S*H
"— You ready for dinner? — Fix those chops for me?"
M*A*S*H
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