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Clips from What We Do in the Shadows (2019) - Citizenship (S01E01)

"JENNA: Sorry if I don't"
What We Do in the Shadows (2019)
"seem up to my normal self. I just..."
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"Having crazy dreams."
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"Like, super weird."
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"(grunts)"
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"Mood swings. Unusual cravings."
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"-(creature squeals) -(hisses)"
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"Who else? Michelangelo Buonarroti."
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"-(hissing) -Michelangelo..."
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"sometimes I have this urge"
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"to tear my roommate to shreds."
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"("You're Dead" by Norma Tanega playing)"
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"* Don't sing if you want to live long *"
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"* They have no use for your song *"
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"* You're dead, you're dead, you're dead *"
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"* Now your hope and compassion is gone *"
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"* Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead *"
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"NANDOR: Thank you all for coming to this house meeting."
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"I must remind everyone that if you are gonna entice a victim"
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"into the house and then you let them live,"
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"show them out."
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"-Loud and clear. -Fair enough."
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"-It's common courtesy. -NADJA: All right. Yes."
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"-It is. -It is. -Also,"
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"is it possible, for when you leave the house,"
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"to blow out the candles?"
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"Observe. (blows)"
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"Simple as that. Major catastrophe"
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"-averted. -LASZLO: What is that"
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"disgusting, putrefied smell?"
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"Like a... snake in heat?"
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"That may be me."
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"I'm wearing a new cologne called "Mr. Hijinks.""
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"-NANDOR: Okay, great. I am... -Aftershave?"
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"COLIN: It's a cologne-aftershave mix"
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"-and I found it in the bathroom at work. -NANDOR: Eh, great."
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"Can we just not talk about the cologne anymore, please?"
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"-Why would you use a cologne? -NANDOR: Shush!"
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"To annoy you."
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"-Touché. -NANDOR: Please, I am speaking here!"
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"And when I was the leader of my country,"
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"when I'm talking about candles."
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"You were the leader of a country?"
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"That sounds like you just made it up."
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"-COLIN: Sounds fake. -No, I have not just made it up."
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"It's a real country."
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"It's not a fake country, it's a real country."
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"Al Quolanudar."
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"-Bless you. -NANDOR: Guillermo, go on your"
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"GUILLERMO: Spell that A..."
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"-A-L. New word. -Uh-huh."
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"-I've got it. -NANDOR: Oh, great!"
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"Not so hot. It's dissolved."
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"-Wha... When did this happen? -1401."
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"It was my home."
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"Yes, I was driven out for pillaging"
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"and that's fair enough, really. But now what do I have?"
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"Aah! (hissing)"
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"(sucks teeth)"
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"NADJA: It is very disgusting for me to see this little one like this."
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"She is like a disabled,"
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"very sickly donkey"
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"that you want to smash in the skull because it is just"
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"Eh, I suppose I was not"
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"much different when I first became a vampire."
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"No one had had"
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"I had had no one to guide me."
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"that I take with me when I travel."
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"'Tis all that is left of Al Quolanudar."
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"Al Quolanudar!"
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"Al Quolanudar... Shit."
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"(car alarm chirps)"
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"(growling)"
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"Forget it."
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"What?"
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"You are released."
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"I'm not hungry."
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"It's just..."
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"and I'm really depressed about it."
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"And I've lost my appetite."
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"You don't want to hear about all this."
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"-Y-You were running away. -W..."
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"Are you okay?"
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"It's kind of you to ask, but really, you go."
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"Master, are you all right?"
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"I have no country. I have no home."
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"What? No, this is your home."
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"And this is your country."
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"No, it's not and it's not."
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"Well, maybe you'd feel better if you were an American citizen?"
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"-Is that possible? -Of course."
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"Yes."
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"and make this place my home!"
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"There you go."
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"I think that's a bus stop there."
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"I'll see you back at home."
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"Yeah, it's become pretty clear to me"
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"-that I'm turning into a vampire. -I bit your neck."
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"I made you drink my blood. What did you think I was doing?"
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"(scoffs) You are giving me sarcasm? (laughs)"
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"I-I enjoy. (laughs)"
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"Darling, you feel like crap because you are eating crap."
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"You are living like a little chimney boy."
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"If you want to be a powerful, strong vampire,"
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"you just have to complete your transition."
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"-How do I do that? -Darling, it's nothing. You just"
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"got to drink some human blood, baby."
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"That's all. I am going to teach you how to kill."
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"Okay, is there any way I could just drink their blood,"
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"-but not kill them? -Shh."
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"-You just shut up now, my stupid little baby. -Okay."
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"GUILLERMO: So I promised to help my master"
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"-apply for citizenship. -NANDOR: Yes?"
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"I called Immigration, and"
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"you are eligible for citizenship."
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"-You actually started the process, -Great."
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"but you didn't finish."
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"I didn't?"
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"No. 1992."
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"back in 1992."
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