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Clips from The Simpsons - The Fat Blue Line (S31E31)

"Uh, Ralphie will stay with the car."
The Simpsons
"¶ ¶"
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"Dear Lord, who sees all, the jabronis and the mamalukes,"
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"In your mercy and by your grace,"
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"but please just ignore that and help me out, will ya?"
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"Dear Lord, please bring back plastic straws."
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"The paper ones get soggy so fast."
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"I brought the mob lawyer right away"
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"like you asked, boss."
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"They wouldn't even let me put my pants on."
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"I was barely able to grab my rate clock."
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"Okay, what have they got you on?"
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"(slowly): Murder one?"
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"(slowly): Murder two?"
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"Pickpocketing! Quit talking slow!"
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"(slowly): All right."
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"Actually, I'm innocent."
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"Innocent?! Innocent?!"
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"A judge wouldn't believe you for a second."
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"What would you even plead? You really did it this time."
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"-I didn't do it. -(groans)"
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"-You want me to whack him, boss? -No! Just usher him out."
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"Got it. I'll "usher him out.""
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"Right. I'll "show him the door.""
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"(muttering in Italian)"
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"(both speaking Italian)"
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"¶ ¶"
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"The one crime I would never commit is pickpocketing."
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"Huh. He seems sincere."
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"I am sincere."
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"When I was a boy, my father, Fatso Antonio,"
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"needed a heart transplant."
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"On its way to the hospital, that heart was pickpocketed."
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"My father died the way no made man should die:"
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"(cries)"
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"Oh, my God. I discovered a clue."
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"(chuckles) I found an electric toothbrush."
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"with a certainty you can only develop"
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"putting hundreds of innocent people in jail."
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"DNA technology has not been my friend."
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"GUARD: Lights out!"
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"Why do you "psst" me? I'm not going anywhere."
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"(quietly): I think you're innocent."
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"But you're gonna have to convince me"
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"¶ ¶"
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"I was not born a rich man."
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"Where I grew up, there was one way out: your fists."
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"Or the many scholarships available"
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"to young Italian-American students."
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"But the forms required information,"
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"and I ain't no snitch."
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"All right, I'm losing my confidence."
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"I swear on this former priest that I didn't do it."
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"He's not guilty."
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"-And I know guilty. -And I can prove it."
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"-Well, go ahead. -I said I can prove it."
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"Well, why wouldn't you?"
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"Because what I was actually doing at the time is something"
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"a mob boss cannot do and let people know."
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"we'll find the guy that framed you."
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"All right, I will show you what I was doing"
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"(groans): Oh."
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"Give me your phone."
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"and then, God help me, I..."
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"-¶ Good times and bum times ¶ -("I'm Still Here" playing)"
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"¶ I've seen them all and, my dear ¶"
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"¶ I'm still here ¶"
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"¶ But I'm here... ¶"
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"Now you know. When I'm alone, I sing show tunes."
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"You didn't steal those wallets. You stole my heart."
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"Leave it on."
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"¶ Bought judges and mayors, and never paid tax... ¶"
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"-Okay, that's enough. -(music stops)"
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"Definitely enough."
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"(groans) Appreciate the offer, Chief,"
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"but prison has changed me."
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"Now I'm thinking I should just give up, serve out my term,"
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"then sit in the warm sun outside the butcher shop."
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"Isn't that what you always did?"
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"Yeah, but every few hours,"
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"someone would whisper something into my ear,"
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"then I had to decide whether to nod or shrug."
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"It was very stressful. The agita."
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"Uh, I thought you wanted to get the guy who put you here."
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"I do."
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"Well, we will, if you will wear a wire."
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"I'm sorry, but on principle, that is something I cannot do."
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"Let me repeat: something I cannot do."
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"(tires screech)"
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"Now, remember the phrase to call for help."
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"-What phrase? -"Remember the phrase.""
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"I will. What phrase is it?"
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"I would if you would tell me what it is."
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"Oh, and please, no profanity."
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"I play these for the missus"
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"when we're, uh, we're getting in the mood."
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"(laughs)"
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"(groans)"
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"A toast to Fat Tony, a man like a Botticelli nude:"
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"(laughter)"
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"Fat Tony. I was just saying how much we missed you."
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"Huh? Huh, guys?"
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"Quiet! I don't want to hear anybody"
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"but Frankie the Squealer."
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"W-W-What do, w-what do you want to hear from me?"
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"The name of the man who framed you? I would never."
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"I would never say Johnny Tightlips."
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"Ladies and gentlemen, our new boss, Johnny Tightlips."
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"So, it was you, Johnny."
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"After all your passive-aggressive replies"
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"and bitter looks, I never would've guessed."
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"You mistook my taciturn nature for fealty."
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"But it was simply that I didn't feel comfortable"
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"in social situations."
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"Then I saw this commercial"
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"where a sad cloud goes on a date with the sun."
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"So I talked to my doctor about Paxil,"
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"(agreeable chatter)"
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"This is my crew now. Ain't that right, Jimmy Kissass?"
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"You was always my favorite."
The Simpsons
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