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Clips from The Boondocks - Mr. Medicinal (S03E03)

"* Chop, chop, chop Judo flip *"
The Boondocks
"They need to put you on a diet."
The Boondocks
"I'm not ready to face my own mortality."
The Boondocks
"Granddad, it's for your own good."
The Boondocks
"and pay the mortgage. What if they find"
The Boondocks
"I only have a month to live? That would totally ruin"
The Boondocks
"I'm going home. Man, Granddad kinda fast."
The Boondocks
"Been awhile since your last checkup, huh?"
The Boondocks
"Says here you haven't seen a doctor in, wow, 57 years?"
The Boondocks
"Hurry up and get to the point"
The Boondocks
"Now, you say here you've had some irritable bowels recently?"
The Boondocks
"Yeah. And it also says here"
The Boondocks
"Oh, um, pardon me."
The Boondocks
"Uh, Robert, this is Jessica. Jessica, Robert."
The Boondocks
"She's a medical student who will be observing today"
The Boondocks
"if that's okay with you. Actually I prefer if, uh..."
The Boondocks
"Patient has complained of irritable bowels,"
The Boondocks
"also diarrhea accompanied"
The Boondocks
"by a burning sensation in the anus"
The Boondocks
"Well, it's not really a burning,"
The Boondocks
"it's more of a tingle... And also experiencing"
The Boondocks
"a lot of gas pains. Extreme flatulence."
The Boondocks
"Give it to me straight, doc."
The Boondocks
"Robert..."
The Boondocks
"No! I'm too young to die."
The Boondocks
"There's so many things I haven't done."
The Boondocks
"I want my novel to be on Oprah's book of the month."
The Boondocks
"Robert, from what I can see"
The Boondocks
"there's a bunch of stuff wrong with you,"
The Boondocks
"but none that is immediately life-threatening."
The Boondocks
"But what I'm most worried about"
The Boondocks
"More or less. But you have to understand,"
The Boondocks
"my life is more stressful than most people."
The Boondocks
"My one grandson is a domestic terrorist"
The Boondocks
"and the other one is a public menace."
The Boondocks
"Robert, Robert, Robert, a lot of people have stressful lives."
The Boondocks
"Now your problem is how you handle the stress."
The Boondocks
"Now, I'm gonna give you a bunch of pills to take,"
The Boondocks
"but I believe if you don't get your stress under control,"
The Boondocks
"Got your lifetime supply of Viagra right here. Ha-ha."
The Boondocks
"'cause I already looked. Give me that."
The Boondocks
"I'm just fucking with you, old nigga."
The Boondocks
"What you got to eat in this motherfucker?"
The Boondocks
"Hey, what you doing with all them pills for,"
The Boondocks
"Man. I ain't never took you as a sucker"
The Boondocks
"for the fucking pharmaceutical companies."
The Boondocks
"Always trying to sell you some synthetic chemical"
The Boondocks
"that don't do nothing but make you sicker."
The Boondocks
"Well, he's a doctor and you're a dumb ass,"
The Boondocks
"so I'm listening to him."
The Boondocks
"I don't never take no pills."
The Boondocks
"Not that I can afford 'em,"
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"I don't take no aspirin,"
The Boondocks
"no fucking ibuprofen, none of that."
The Boondocks
"Now this shit right here, nigga,"
The Boondocks
"this all the medicine I need."
The Boondocks
"Reefer the same thing as weed."
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"What? Keep it down, I have kids."
The Boondocks
"What, I can't say "weed"? Shh."
The Boondocks
"How dare you bring drugs into my house."
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"You can get us arrested."
The Boondocks
"Weed ain't illegal no more, nigga."
The Boondocks
"Really? Hell, yeah."
The Boondocks
"I didn't know he did that."
The Boondocks
"I don't know. I knew a guy once who smoked some weed"
The Boondocks
"that was laced with angel dust,"
The Boondocks
"in his underwear and woke up in a chicken coop."
The Boondocks
"Nigga, that was Friday. Was it?"
The Boondocks
"Besides, man, ain't nobody fucked with this,"
The Boondocks
"I know the nigga that grew it."
The Boondocks
"Shit, I watched him take the bud off."
The Boondocks
"You need to grow up and get high."
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"As a matter of fact, since I'm the type of nigga"
The Boondocks
"that cares about your health,"
The Boondocks
"I'm gonna give you this joint, nigga."
The Boondocks
"I don't want your joint. This just ain't no joint."
The Boondocks
"but it's a damn good one."
The Boondocks
"Hey, what y'all talking about?"
The Boondocks
"Huh? Nothing. Nothing at all."
The Boondocks
"He was just talking about"
The Boondocks
"going on tour with the Fat Boys or something."
The Boondocks
"Congrats, tell Prince Markie Dee I said hi."
The Boondocks
"Okay, old nigga. Later, Riley."
The Boondocks
"Who are the Fat Boys?"
The Boondocks
"High blood pressure got you down?"
The Boondocks
"Ask your doctor if Zortafrinex is right for you."
The Boondocks
"In clinical trials, Zortafrinex was proven"
The Boondocks
"to lower blood pressure. Ask your doctor"
The Boondocks
"and most men should not take it. Known side effects:"
The Boondocks
"heart attack, difficulty breathing"
The Boondocks
"experienced a severe loss in sexual performance."
The Boondocks
"Please stop taking it immediately"
The Boondocks
"if you feel mild discomfort on or in testicles,"
The Boondocks
"as this can be a sign of an unpleasant"
The Boondocks
"If total scrotal implosion should occur,"
The Boondocks
"call your doctor. If you cannot move or talk"
The Boondocks
"due to the pain of total scrotal implosion,"
The Boondocks
"please have a loved one call your doctor."
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"There is no cure for total scrotal implosion."
The Boondocks
"Zortafrinex, always the right choice."
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"It's beautiful."
The Boondocks
"Yo, you smell that?"
The Boondocks
"Yeah, but it can't be what I think it is."
The Boondocks
"Breakfast."
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"We got pancakes, waffles,"
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"pork sausage, turkey sausage,"
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"veggie sausage, eggs Benedict,"
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"smoked salmon omelets, hash browns"
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"and of course huevos rancheros."
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"Or I can make you something else if you like."
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"Granddad, why'd you make all this food?"
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"Because my boys have to grow up to be big and strong."
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"I'm eating this bowl of Cheerios because,"
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"you know what? The cholesterol's not gonna lower itself."
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"Goddamn, that was the best Cheerios"
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"I ever had in my life."
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"That wasn't a regular Cheerios, was it?"
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"No, no, that... That had to be Honey Nut."
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"It had to be Honey Nut. It tastes like Honey Nut."
The Boondocks
"It tastes like Cheerios but..."
The Boondocks
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