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Clips from The Muppet Show (1976) - Avery Schreiber (S01E01)

"Aha."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"He seems to have an overactive pituitary gland."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"All right, monster, this is Sir Avery of Macho!"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"I'm here to challenge you!"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"All right, I accept."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"(gonglike clang)"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"How do you wanna fight, with swords or clubs?"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Name your pleasure."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Well..."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"I choose, right? Mm-hm."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"The weapon I choose..."
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"...is insults. Huh? Insults?"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"That's right. Ha ha."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"He's a lot bigger than my agent told me."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"You heard that right here, folks."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Sir Avery has chosen insults."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"And, indeed, he is known for his razor-like wit, which he's gonna need,"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"because he's against one of the foulest mouths in the kingdom."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Ready?"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Give me your best shot, fat stuff."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Fat stuff? You call me fat stuff?"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Your mother wears open-toed combat boots!"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"(laughs)"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Sir Avery opened with an old standard there."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Let's see how the monster answers."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"You call that an insult? Here's an insult."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"The last time I saw a head like yours"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"was in a lettuce patch!"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Oh. Look at that."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Sir Avery has been hit. Sir Avery has been hit."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Let's see how he answers now."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Monster? Hm?"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"I've been talking to your best friends. And?"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"You don't have any. Huh?"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Look at that. Sir Avery is now choosing the psychological attack."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"As a matter of fact..."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"No, no, I won't tell you. Oh, no, please."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"I can take it."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"As a matter of fact, your dog doesn't like you."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Oh! In fact, I doubt if you even have a dog."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"I had a dog. You had a dog. What happened to him?"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"I ate him. Why'd you eat him?"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Because he didn't like me!"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"I give up. You win."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Look at that, folks. It looks like it's all over now."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Sir Avery? Yeah?"
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"Only one thing. When you and Burns had a comedy team,"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"well, you were my favorite comedy team..."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"well, second favorite, of all time."
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"What do you mean, second favorite? Who was first?"
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"Starsky and Hutch!"
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"Oh. Oh, look at that."
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"Sir Avery is hit bad, and he's going down."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"It looks... It looks like..."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Friends, I think it's gonna be a draw."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Wait a minute. I demand a rematch!"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"He didn't get me with his insult."
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"It was his breath. Hah!"
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"Well, so I win a lot,"
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"but it's a lonely life."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"(♪ fanfare)"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Funny man. He was great as a team."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"I wonder what it feels like to work alone."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Ask me. I do it every week."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"(chuckles)"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Welcome again to Muppet Labs, where the future is being made today."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"And here it is, folks, the product you've all been waiting for,"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"the new solid-state gorilla detector."
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"Yes, friends, how many times have you awakened"
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"at night in the dark and said to yourself,"
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""Is there a gorilla in here?""
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"And how many people do you know whose vacations were ruined"
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"because they were eaten by undetected gorillas?"
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"Well, no more of that."
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"Whenever a gorilla comes anywhere near this device,"
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"its lights will flash and its bell will ring."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Think of the safety, think of the sense of well-being."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"At last, your family can be protected"
The Muppet Show (1976)
"(thud)"
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"That creature is not a gorilla. If he were a gorilla,"
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"the lights would flash and the bell would ring."
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"Yes, Muppet technology is wonderful."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"It tells us that we are not seeing a gorilla smash a cabinet."
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"So I know scientifically"
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"that I am not being eaten by a gorilla."
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"(screams)"
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"Scooter! Scooter?"
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"Scooter... Yes, boss?"
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"Ah, Scooter, would you go for Avery"
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"and tell him to stand by for his next number?"
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"Boss, you know there's nothing I wouldn't do for you."
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"Well, so far, that's what you've done... nothing."
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"I would climb the highest mountain."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"I would swim the widest river. I'd walk across burning coals..."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Please! Just go get Avery."
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"That I can't do. What?"
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"Sorry, boss, but he and Miss Piggy are in his dressing room,"
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"Piggy and Avery? Are you nuts?"
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"Why, he wouldn't touch her with a ten-foot pole."
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"You're right. He was touching her with his hands."
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"He was also whispering sweet nothings into her ear."
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"Nothings like..."
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"(whispers)"
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"Will you get out of here?! Out, out, out!"
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"Anybody want to buy a gofer cheap?"
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"Piggy and Avery? Yecch."
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"(♪ tea dance music)"
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"You know, I had a bit part in a movie last week."
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"A bit part? Yeah, I bit someone."
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"I'm very careful with my diet."
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"When I got on the scale this morning, I weighed 104 pounds."
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"Stripped? Of course not."
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"The drugstore was crowded. Oh."
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"Hey, hey, let's boogie."
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"OK. Boogie, boogie, boogie."
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"(screams)"
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"I notice nothing bothers you. Are you into meditation?"
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"No. Sedation."
The Muppet Show (1976)
"Boogie, boogie, boogie."
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"(screams)"
The Muppet Show (1976)
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