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Clips from Schitt's Creek - Bad Parents (S01E01)

"What about this is funky?"
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"I'm just having a hard time understanding."
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"It's just, you know, like funky. Different."
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"Yeah, funky is a neon t-shirt you buy at an airport gift shop,"
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"next to a bejewelled iPhone case."
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"This... This is luxury."
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"There's a lot of stuff here."
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"Have you ever considered selling some of this?"
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"These are my things."
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"I've hand-selected each of these things. They mean a lot to me."
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"How much do you think I can get for this?"
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"Like hard drugs? Like..."
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"Did you wear a hazmat suit and work in a trailer?"
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"No. It was just weed and mushrooms, uppers."
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"Mostly to truckers and my high school teachers."
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"Mmm-hmm."
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"It's actually pretty clean around here,"
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"which is shocking considering the state of our motel room."
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"What's wrong with living in a barn?"
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"Hmm, nothing, if you're a goat."
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"Well, it serves its purpose."
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"It seems to. With the ladies."
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"That's just a joke."
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"I'm sorry for walking in on you and Twyla the other day."
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"No, it's cool."
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"So how long have you two been together?"
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"So, listen, I gotta take off for a bit."
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"I got this thing I gotta do. Can you cover for me?"
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"- Um, I mean... - Cool."
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"- Yeah. - Thanks. Sorry."
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"Excuse me! What am I supposed to keep doing here?"
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"I feel like we should break these into categories."
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"Um..."
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"Fit, fabric,"
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"and nationality."
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"Or we could do this."
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"- I... Hmm. - Keep or sell?"
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"- Well, those are... - Keep or sell?"
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"- Just keep or sell? - Sell. Sell them."
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"I got these at a showroom in Paris."
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"I got these on clearance rack at Target."
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"- Eight-fifty. - Eight-fifty what?"
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"- Eight hundred... - Dollars?"
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"- $850. - $850?"
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"These are collector's. There's a woman in Paris that makes them by hand, so..."
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"My car's worth less than your pants."
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"Well, I've seen your car and that makes sense to me."
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"You know, I think the reason our kids are so casual with us"
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"Hmm. No."
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"Because we're hip parents."
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"we are the polar antonym of hip."
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"Well, somehow we've lost touch with our kids."
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"We've become complete strangers."
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"Hey! Have we decided?"
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"Just coffee, please."
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"Uh, Twyla, do you get along with your parents?"
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"I did."
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"It's a little different now."
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"And it's getting harder and harder"
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"to coordinate visitation times with my dad in prison."
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"That's okay! I'll get you your coffees."
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"Your mother and I have been talking,"
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"and we've come to the realisation"
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"Sadly, and most of the time,"
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"we have no interest in what's going on with you."
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"We have no idea what's... 'Cause she means "no idea.""
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"We have lost touch as a family,"
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"and if we're gonna get through this ordeal together,"
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"Now, back at Rose Video, we had management retreats"
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"where we would play fun team-building exercises..."
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"Well, it was one DUI."
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"Do you know my middle name?"
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"we have got to get reacquainted."
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"Everyone can just calm down"
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"Did you know this?"
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"Stop."
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"and I'm just not that down into labels, you know?"
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"- I'm sorry! No, Hannah. - I'm embarrassed for you."
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"Yeah."
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"I don't get it. It's all done."
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"Ugh!"
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"Ugh! Ugh!"
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"by bribing him with sex."
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"You sure you can't take any of this stuff?"
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"Wow."
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