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Clips from Schitt's Creek - Bad Parents (S01E01)

"No. I don't think anybody has sex in here unless they're being paid for it."
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"I thought this might be a good place to store your clothes."
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"Is this a safe place?"
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"Yes. I'm the only with a key. But there's a catch."
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"I get to wear whatever I want, anytime I want."
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"Fine."
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"Wow! Our son's clothes are no longer in our closet."
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"Something I said finally got through."
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"I just found somewhere else to put them."
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"I can't hear you from in there."
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"I found somewhere else to put them!"
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"Well, subconsciously I got through."
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"David? Alexis? Can you come here please?"
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"David? Alexis?"
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"They're not going to come, dear."
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"Well, how widespread is that news?"
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"Talk about salacious!"
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"He cut off his what?"
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"- Wait, what? - Okay."
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"How did it happen?"
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"Look, I just... I just wanted to make sure that, you know, we're all okay."
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"What were we not okay about?"
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"We are literally connected by a door that does not lock."
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"How much more connected do you wanna be?"
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"Emma. Your middle name is Emma."
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"Is it?"
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"- Well, that's that then. - Elspeth."
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"- No! - Wow."
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"I think it's Elspeth."
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"- It isn't! - I should know!"
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"David?"
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"Can you come here please?"
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"David, can you come in here please?"
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"What?"
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"Well, why don't you just tell me from there?"
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"- David... - You could've already told me."
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"I want to speak face to face."
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"Motels this size, we're basically always face to face."
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"In the same room."
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"Why are you yelling? I'm right here."
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"I want you to move your clothes."
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"Out of my closet."
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"You've got t-shirts on hangers. I've nowhere to hang my clothes."
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"Well, put them over the t-shirts then."
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"- Moira... - Alexis!"
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"No, no, it's David I want."
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"I need to speak with our daughter."
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"Good luck."
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"Oh, my God! Where did you hear that?"
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"Yeah? What is it?"
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"I need you to fill this out please."
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"Fill what out?"
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"Your community service papers."
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"As our only delinquent, I hope it's not asking too much."
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"Generally, that's how it works, honey."
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"When you break the law, you've gotta serve your sentence."
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"No, there's still a little bit that needs to be filled in."
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"Hmm, all that's missing is my middle name."
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"Then fill it in please."
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"Do I have to do that?"
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"Ugh! Why must you be so constantly irksome?"
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"Do you not know my middle name?"
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"Of course I do. I blessed you with it."
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"Alexis, do as your mother says, please."
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"I can't believe this."
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"Alexis Something Rose."
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"We have so many disasters bombarding us right now, my dear."
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"The middle name of an ungrateful child is hardly a priority."
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"Wait. Alexis has a middle name?"
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"Why is this the first I'm hearing of this?"
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"Do... Do I have a middle name?"
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"Now you come into the room."
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"Terrible parents?"
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"We sent them to the best boarding schools,"
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"we hired the best nannies."
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"We did everything right."
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"I mean, they're not overly affectionate with us"
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"and there's a lot more disrespect than I'd like,"
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"but, no, we're good parents."
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"But who are they?"
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"Well, it might be nice to get to know them better,"
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"I suppose."
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"Wouldn't it, John?"
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"But who has time amidst all this chaos?"
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"Hmm. I get it."
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"Yeah, lots of doors open up for pretty people."
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"Mmm-hmm."
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"So what'd you do?"
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"Um, I drove into the Prada store"
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"on Rodeo Drive."
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"In fairness, it did look a lot like the entrance"
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"Uh-huh."
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"Are you high right now?"
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"No, I'm not."
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"Well, you might wanna be,"
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"'cause this isn't exactly thrilling work."
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"And you won't be gettin' any chit chat from your buddy."
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"What buddy?"
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"You're not the only druggy in town, hon."
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"Ronnie."
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"Mmm."
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"Here's your garbage stick. You use it to pick up garbage."
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"And here..."
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"Oh, no, I'm fine. Thank you. That's very sweet."
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"This isn't Say Yes to the Dress, princess."
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"Orange is the new orange."
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"Okay."
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"What am I supposed to do with my dry clean onlys?"
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"than one piece of clothing"
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"you can't put in a washing machine."
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"You try putting a cashmere sweater in the washing machine."
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"It'll bite your wrist."
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"Are these all your clothes?"
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"That's a sweater."
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"It's one chromosome away from a crocheted blanket."
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"What?"
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"It's just your clothes, they're all kind of funky."
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"Funky?"
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"Yeah. Funky."
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"Yeah, no, no. I'm just trying to figure out what about this..."
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