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Clips from Schitt's Creek - Bad Parents (S01E01)

"Sorry. I had some stuff I had to take care of."
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"Yeah, I guess."
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"'Cause it seems to me like"
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"that you're this handsome man around town who's like"
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"How much can one person take?"
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"Joce, did you see him again today?"
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"No, I wasn't. I wasn't..."
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"Excuse me, I listen to the kid."
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"What're you doing?"
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"Well, you have your family."
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"- No. - Okay."
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"People here don't know anything, okay?"
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"Wayne huffs keyboard cleaner for a living."
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"I like some of this stuff."
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"Well, now that I know that she's your mother,"
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"So why are you sneaking around with your mom anyway?"
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"And you wonder why I make fun of you."
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"About your mother and me feeling disconnected from you two."
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"So, we'll keep working away at this."
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"Well, come in here and I'll tell you."
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"I did."
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"I still have to do that?"
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"Please, before I lose my mind."
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"Okay, so, um... Then what name should I put down then?"
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"If I said, "Anna...""
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"Have we failed them, John? I'm worried about our children."
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"Are we terrible parents?"
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"So what's your deal? You're pretty. What's that like?"
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"Um... It's good."
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"Clearly, as I register for community service."
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"to a parking garage."
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"And I was high at the time."
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"Who needs 14 grey suits?"
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"I'm still trying to figure out why you'd own more"
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"That's a problem I'd like to have."
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"What's this, then?"
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"So you got busted for selling drugs?"
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"Speaking of unfit homes, why do you live in a barn?"
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"Okay, then. Right. We'll try to get $850 dollars for your pants."
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"Keep or sell?"
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"I don't know."
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"is because they think of us as their friends."
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"No, it's obvious. It's obvious, Moira, right?"
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"- Oh, John... - And that comes at a price."
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"John, we're not hip."
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"I'm hipper than you, but in our children's eyes,"
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"My mom has this thing where half the time she thinks I'm her cousin Angela."
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"I'm sorry I asked."
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"that we've not been very good parents."
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"No, Johnny, they had to guess which one was the truth."
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"No, the game is "two truths and a lie.""
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"Okay, whatever. It's a good game."
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"I told you that I was on spring break."
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"Guys like that will bone anything."
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"Ew!"
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"Johnny. Johnny, look who's come in."
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"He's a vagrant in a barn."
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"Age?"
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"Okay. All right then."
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"Oh, my God."
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"Who will be pricing these items?"
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"Is there a problem, Wayne?"
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"It's just..."
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"Maybe we can use the sneakers."
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"This is French suede, with a vulcanized-rubber instep, okay?"
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"You've lost my trust and my business, so..."
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"- We'll be leaving now. - Sorry."
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"What is this place?"
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"So, what happened to you yesterday?"
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"You also had company-wide spa days."
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"Why don't we try that?"
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"And one of the ice breakers at these retreats"
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"was a game that was always a hit."
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"And it was a game where somebody would tell a lie about themselves,"
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"and then a truth, and then another lie,"
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"and everybody would have to guess which one was the lie."
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"Hmm. Which one was the lie."
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"It's just one lie."
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"- What did I say? - You said two lies."
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"- Well, it is two lies. - No, it's..."
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"- It's truth. So you've heard of it. - That's the game."
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"Well, yeah, because babies play that at their birthday parties."
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"Okay? Now, here's how it goes. I'll give you an example."
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"Why don't I start? Um, I'm miserable, drunk, and hate this game."
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"So... Here's a hint. Sadly, I'm not drunk."
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"Okay, wrong attitude. That's the wrong..."
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"- Right off the top! - Okay, my turn, my turn, my turn."
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"Um... Okay. My eyes are brown,"
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"I am basically sample-sized,"
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"and one time I escaped from a Thai drug lord's car trunk"
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"Right idea, honey, but you know what?"
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"It's gotta be more challenging for everybody..."
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"Her eyes are aqua."
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"You did what?"
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"I'm kidding."
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"I clearly would never bribe anybody with sex."
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"When were you in Thailand?"
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"because Aroon was a lovely gentleman until he ran out of money."
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"How many people do you know that are currently in the prison system?"
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"Is it like 12?"
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"I'm pretty sure just two."
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"All right, that's enough. Good game."
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"Good game, everybody! Alexis, you're grounded."
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"No! That was 10 years ago,"
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"and everybody does dumb stuff in high school."
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"You were 17?"
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"As if. I don't do girl talk."
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"Okay, everybody does dumb stuff everywhere."
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"For example, I saw Mutt today, the guy that lives in the barn,"
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"making out with the mayor's wife."
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"- What's-her-face? - Mmm-hmm."
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"- And the homeless kid? - Mmm-hmm."
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"Well, not anything."
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"- 'Cause that would mean... - Stop. Stop."
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"- That would include... - Stop it."
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"- You. Which it doesn't. - Don't."
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"You know, I remember when Alexis was just a chubby-faced little girl"
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"racing around the house in that banned baby walker,"
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"and now she's spending time"
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"in a drug lord's trunk?"
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