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Clips from New Girl - Models (S02E02)

""As if" is like the funniest thing ever!"
New Girl
"You know, actually, I thought maybe this year we could go out, you know?"
New Girl
"Please? You and I have never spent my birthday apart, ever."
New Girl
"I bet I didn't even touch boob. We knew you were stuffing..."
New Girl
"- Eye shadow, man. - Oh, that's makeup?"
New Girl
"[SINGING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]"
New Girl
"- You made it! - Sorry I'm late."
New Girl
"They let in a lot of people ahead of me. Like, a lot."
New Girl
"Earlier, when I gave you the cookie I heard: "I don't think about you.""
New Girl
"...than to throw it up, mash it into a cookie shape, and shove it down your throat!"
New Girl
"You know what?"
New Girl
"You know what? No! Stop it!"
New Girl
"...then returns everything where he found it?"
New Girl
"It's your birthday and you won't eat cake. Cece, you're better than that."
New Girl
"What, huh? You want that?"
New Girl
"They were out of turtles."
New Girl
"[SCHMIDT SNIFFLES]"
New Girl
"- Body slam! - No! Don't do this!"
New Girl
"- I'll do it. - What?"
New Girl
"He'll move on to the EcoBoost engine and the new interior."
New Girl
"You should see the other guys."
New Girl
"[BOTH CHUCKLE]"
New Girl
"- Who's your favorite rapper? - Brian Austin Green."
New Girl
"Happy birthday, dude!"
New Girl
"- Hello. - Made you a cake."
New Girl
"Can't. Booked a car show for tomorrow."
New Girl
"And I have been so good this week. I lost four pounds."
New Girl
"Oh, come on, Cece, it's your birthday."
New Girl
"We're going to eat cake, we're going to watch Clueless on VHS..."
New Girl
"...and we're going to try to make prom dresses out of towels, just like we always do."
New Girl
"As if!"
New Girl
"- I wish I had a step-brother to fall in love with. - I know, right? Paul Rudd."
New Girl
"We go party tonight. Let dogs out. Catch gypsy. Ha, ha."
New Girl
"Yeah. You know, Nadia wants me to go to this last-minute thing she found out about."
New Girl
"So I thought we could all go out tonight. You, me, Nadia, the girls..."
New Girl
"- The models? - Yes, Jess, the models."
New Girl
"Except for that one time when you walked out of my sleepover because..."
New Girl
"When you struck me in the breast."
New Girl
"Oh, my God! We were all stuffing!"
New Girl
"You've seen my grandmother. I was not stuffing."
New Girl
"- It was 7th grade! - I've been like this since 7."
New Girl
"Come out with us tonight."
New Girl
"- Please, please, please? - Okay."
New Girl
"- I'll come. Mm-hm. - Thank you."
New Girl
"I so excited. I shake this thing that my mama gave me."
New Girl
"YOLO!"
New Girl
"MAN [OVER TV]: The Galápagos tortoise or Galápagos giant tortoise..."
New Girl
"...is the largest living species..."
New Girl
"Spectacular."
New Girl
"Do you think Jess would be mad if I got a turtle and named it Jess?"
New Girl
"Even though I had that name before she moved in?"
New Girl
"- A turtle? - A thinking man's best friend."
New Girl
"In our home? Over my turtle-disease-ridden dead body."
New Girl
"I got you a cookie."
New Girl
"What, did you have, like..."
New Girl
"- Did you have, like, an extra? - No."
New Girl
"- So you just got me a cookie? - I was thinking about you."
New Girl
"What do you mean?"
New Girl
"I was thinking about you. I think about you a lot, bro."
New Girl
"Why?"
New Girl
"Because you're my friend. You're on my mind. Do you not think about me?"
New Girl
"Of course not."
New Girl
"Oh."
New Girl
"Schmidt got me a cookie."
New Girl
"Oh. Very nice."
New Girl
"- What do you guys think? - Smoking hot."
New Girl
"I'm going out with Cece and her model friends..."
New Girl
"...and I'm going for promising ballerina turned street walker."
New Girl
"You have too much joie de vivre. You want to look a little more bored and tired."
New Girl
"Just all together disengaged."
New Girl
"More tired. Sick, like. Really let your bones prop you up."
New Girl
"Did you put shoe polish on your eyes?"
New Girl
"I never understand you women. God!"
New Girl
"I'd take it off. That looks crazy."
New Girl
"I can't believe I have to deal with models just to be with Cece."
New Girl
"The last time, it was awful."
New Girl
"The best way to talk to models is just point to objects and describe them."
New Girl
"The table is round."
New Girl
"It's also flat."
New Girl
"Yes, the table is round and it's flat."
New Girl
"Oh, look, a lamp."
New Girl
"I love Cece, and these are Cece's friends, so I should be able to get along with them."
New Girl
"I should be able to deal with the fact..."
New Girl
"...that they think I look like a monkey, heh, from a Russian cracker ad."
New Girl
"Whatever. It's Cece's birthday. It's her special night."
New Girl
"I can get drunk and point at furniture..."
New Girl
"...if that means I can spend quality time with my BFF."
New Girl
"Hey, is it totally obvious that I'm not wearing underwear? Because it should be."
New Girl
"That makes two of us."
New Girl
"JESS: Hey."
New Girl
"Saving the best for last."
New Girl
"Monkey cracker! Monkey cracker!"
New Girl
"Monkey, monkey, where you keep the crackers?"
New Girl
"This is so much fun."
New Girl
"Schmidt. So it turns out there's more than one type of turtle."
New Girl
"I could go eastern box, or spur-thighed or nearsighted loner."
New Girl
"[SCHMIDT SIGHS]"
New Girl
"What was that? You just grunt?"
New Girl
"- It wasn't a grunt, it was a "hurumph." - It was a grunt."
New Girl
"- A hurumph sounds like this: "Hurumph." - You took it the wrong way."
New Girl
"- Serena Williams, that was a grunt. - It's all good, man, all right?"
New Girl
"It's all smooth in the groove. Mellow, man."
New Girl
"Mega mellow."
New Girl
"Okay."
New Girl
"What the hell are you doing?"
New Girl
"- You don't think about me? - What?"
New Girl
"- Why would I? - Because we're friends, not animals."
New Girl
"We're men, Schmidt! The only time a man is allowed to think about another man..."
New Girl
"...is when that man is Jay Cutler."
New Girl
"- I don't know who Jay Cutler is. - Why are you saying "Cutler" like that?"
New Girl
"I don't know what's allowed in the cold-hearted Republic of Nick Miller. But I know how I feel."
New Girl
"I know how much you love cookies. I saw it there and thought, I'm going to buy him that."
New Girl
"If I could give you that cookie back, I would."
New Girl
"Nothing would make me happier..."
New Girl
"You wanna mama-bird me the cookie?"
New Girl
"- You wanna mama-bird me the cookie? - No."
New Girl
"You're not mama-birding anybody."
New Girl
"I don't want to mama-bird you a cookie."
New Girl
"What is your problem?"
New Girl
"SCHMIDT: No mama-birding here."
New Girl
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