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Clips from Three's Company - Double Date (S03E03)

"You're just like all the rest, only worse!"
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"You no-good, phony two-timing twerp!"
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"Boy am I glad to see you!"
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"- Who was that? - That?"
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"That was the Avon lady. They hate to take no for an answer."
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"- You said you had a terrible cold. - Excuse me."
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"(Nasal voice) I have this terrible cold..."
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"Jack, I want the truth."
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"Okay, I was lying in bed, and this thing came through my window..."
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"- It was a girl. I never saw... - Jack, look."
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"Jack..."
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"I made this soup with my own hands."
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"- Right over the head! - Linda!"
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"- Not if you tell the truth. - Okay."
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"- Where do I start? - Start with your cold."
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"- You mean, you lied? - Not exactly."
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"Now, tell me about the Avon lady."
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"Okay, she wasn't an Avon lady."
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"- Oh, another lie? - A little one."
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"- Who was she? - Okay..."
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"That girl was Janet’s sister. She wanted to borrow a bible and I..."
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"No, wait, wait, wait..."
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"He name is Samantha Evans. I lied to you about being sick"
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"So I could be with her tonight."
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"- That's it? - That's it."
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"- Very good. - Whew!"
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"I lied."
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"She brought me some chicken soup."
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"I think you were supposed to eat it."
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"I didn't have time."
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"- You're going to get sicker. - Mrs. Roper, I am not sick."
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"I never was sick."
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"But Stanley says you are."
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"I only said I was sick to get out of a date, but it didn't work."
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"And you want to know something?"
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"Mmmm..."
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"How's my little teddy bear tonight?"
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"Not good, Helen. Not good."
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"Stanley, suppose you weren't sick."
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"- But I am. - Yeah, yeah."
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"But just suppose you weren't."
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"Where would you be taking me tonight?"
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"If I wasn't sick?"
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"Well, you know that French restaurant you're always talking about?"
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"Oh, but that's so expensive!"
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"Oh well... what the hell?"
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"And afterwards, Stanley?"
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"Where would we be going afterwards?"
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"- And dancing. - Dancing? You?"
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"And you."
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"Both of us. Together."
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"Oh Stanley, we're gonna have such a wonderful time tonight!"
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"You mean, we would have had a wonderful time."
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"I mean we're going to."
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"I just talked to Jack."
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"He lied about having a cold."
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"He's perfectly healthy."
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"So?"
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"So, that means that you're perfectly healthy too!"
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"So?"
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"So, you have a choice, Stanley."
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"You either put on these pants"
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"And we go out and have fun,"
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"Or leave them off and we'll stay home and have fun."
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"- Jack? - Huh?"
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"That was a rotten thing to do."
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"- Yeah, rotten. - (Sneezes)"
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"Stop pretending you have a cold."
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"Look, I’ve got to soak my feet."
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"Wait a minute. Jack, look,"
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"Why didn't you tell us the truth in the first place?"
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"Yeah, and in the second place too!"
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"I didn't want you to think I was a creep."
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"- That's why. - But you are a creep."
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"I know. I just didn't want you to think it."
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"Don't I get a "God bless you"?"
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"- God bless you... - Thank you."
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"It's all Larry’s fault. He's the one who made up that phony story."
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"- I never have thought of it. - Oh come on, Jack."
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"You know, Janet, he has a point."
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"I mean, it's Larry’s lie, not his."
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"- Jack's just the one who told it. - That's right."
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"Next time I see that Larry, I’m gonna tell him off!"
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"I bet you will. Just the way you have"
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"All the other times you've been mad at him,"
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"When you end up saying, "Larry, you're the best friend I ever had.""
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"- No, not this time. This time I’m really... - Oh Jack, come off it."
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"I've heard all this before. I'm going to bed."
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"Yeah, me too."
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"- I'm gonna soak my feet. - You'd be better off soaking your head."
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"- "You'd be better off soaking your head." - (Both blow raspberries)"
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"(doorbell rings)"
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"(Coughs)"
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"- Hi, pal! - You... you... don't you "hi, pal" me, pal,"
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"- I got something I want to say to you. - Whoa, hold it."
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"I brought someone I thought you might want to see."
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"- Hi, Jack, may we come in? - Huh... well,"
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"- If you... - I ran into the little lady"
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"Down at the Regal Beagle. Seemed she was pretty upset."
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"So, we talked and..."
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"Well, it seems there was some sort of misunderstanding."
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"Jack, Larry told me all you went through to go out with me,"
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"- And I’m really flattered. - Oh, it was nothing."
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"Yeah."
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"Well, I’ll just leave you two lovebirds alone, huh?"
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"(Snickers)"
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"Oh, Jack, what was it you wanted to say to me?"
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"Excuse me."
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"I mean it, pal. I really mean it."
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"(Sneezes) Excuse me."
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"Poor you. You really do have a cold."
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"(Mumbles)"
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"Oh, you just let Samantha take care of you."
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"And make you feel very very good."
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"Jack, do you need any..."
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"Is there any of that chicken left? Oh."
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"- That's what I said. - Oh."
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"Wha... don't keep him up too late."
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"- Yeah, we don't want him to get too tired. - Chrissy!"
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"- Now where were we? - You..."
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